Sunday 31 July 2011

A Sad Song

When I was a young child I grew up with the sound of passing airplanes, then many years later it suddenly stopped mum says it's because they stopped using the lane that is close to our house... Last month the all familiar sound of passing airplanes could be heard again. It might sound weird, but it didn't make me panic or make me feel insecure. No, it remined me of my childhood and because it did just that I still feel safe. It could be due to the fact that people generally may be more likely to feel protcted and safe in their childhood homes or the actual sound of passing airplanes makes me remember my childhood or more particularly upbringing. I can't be sure.

This Friday the first victims from the Norwegian massacre was buried... One person was apparenly only 18 years old.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Saturday 30 July 2011

Last Preparations

It's exactly a month now til my anticipated trip to Korea, after only a year since my first reunion. This trip is different I feel very anxious and I hope I will not disappoint my birth family by my lacking knowledge of the Korean language. Hopefully I will learn while there, I just hope they will not be disappointed or expect me to suddenly start speaking Korean. Will I be able to if not fulfill reach up to their expections ? To be honest I'm not really sure, I hope I will be able to make a third trip some time after this one.. But as for now let's focus on my upcoming trip and worry about the future later. One thing's already certain Korea will always have a special place in my heart no matter what happens...

Apparently Rob Cohen will direct one of Korea's soon to be released movies, this one is named 1950 and the journalist Margurite Higgins reports. Do you remember or know about the Swedish movie Patrick 1,5 ? Now there's a similar movie called Kyss Mig (original title) Kiss Me, which premiered yesterday. Again it's about unexpected love portrayed by two women.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Friday 29 July 2011

Kimchi Thoughts

I seriously have to brush up on my Korean language skills or start memorizing the most common basic terms in Korean. For instance nice too see you, it's delicious, see you later, see you tomorrow, good night, how much is this ? why?how come ?

There's a commercial in Sweden from an insurrance company where one add mentions a language pill, a pill that would make you start speaking another language after having taken the pill... Oh, if that could be true but no it isn't I'll just have to live my live by trying to achieve everything that I want the hard way without taking any shortcuts. But I guess life would be ratter boring if everything was easy...

The gift I sent some months ago to my Korean friend has finally arrived about two - three months overdue. Well at least I know it worked, I had almost started to think it was lost forever. But all is well, and a friend now has a Swedish jewelary presumely hanging around her neck.

I delibrately didn't make a hotel reservation for this trip, since I had hoped to stay with my Korean family this time around. But I'm not sure if that is how I will be living during my trip I might end up having to saty at an hotel afterall... What really worries me is that I need a valid address for someone (just so I can have an address for the emigration form on the plane)... Of course I have at least two addresses that I possibly could use but I'm not really sure if I will be able to use any of them. I really hope my birth family will be able to look after me this time, giving me a place too stay that is not spending all 24 hours with me. Maybe I'm being to selfish again and taking things for granted, overlooking things...

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Thursday 28 July 2011

More Than I Can Chew...

I suppose everyone has heard about what happend this past Friday in Oslo ?
Like Sweden, Norway to is a democracy that has press fridom and freedom of expression.
Yes, it's true I live in Sweden but to be honest Norway is one of Sweden's closest neighbouring countries...

I really thought the flower parade in Oslo seemed very powerful, and beautiful too even though the circumstances surrounding it could have been much better. But it was a touching moment and seemed like a nice way to honour all of those lost lives...

I might also have taken water over my head since it seems unwise to travel to a foreign country (Korea) without knowing at least some basic expressions... I'm beginning to dread my upcoming trip just because of the apparent language barrier... Hopefully it will all turn out for the best, and hey what about dehydration ?

One thing I do have lot of these days is spare time , hey what did you expect I'm unemployed !!??
I do have may ways to get a day pass.. I bake a lot and also do a lot of paintings and alike and sometimes write poetry (when I don't blog that is or wisit the blogsphere).

I wonder what you all do in your spare time?

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Wednesday 27 July 2011

Adoption And Divorce

I know that a marriage isn't a garantue that love will last forever... but when I come to think of it all people, friends and relatives that has adopted or is adoptees comes from families that # 1 is married, # 2 never has divorced. Maybe it's nothing more than just a coincidence.. very possible. But it still makes me wonder quite a lot...

This has made me wonder if divorce is less common among couples that goes for international adoption... (Of course this could possibly be a prejudice..). Do you know any adoptees or APs that has been through divorce?

I don't think APs love each other more than a normal couple would (normal means couple that only has bio children) in this case. Correct me if I'm wrong but maybe APs tend to stay with their significant others for the sake of their children... Possibly, maybe, no seriously I don't know. It's just a wild guess.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Tuesday 26 July 2011

Swedish Pictures
































This entry is an entry with pictures taking in Sweden during summer. It's my version of a Swedish summer. I am still shocked about what happened in Oslo this past weekend so I might not see any reason or have enough energy to blog about something that's a bit opinionated right now...

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Monday 25 July 2011

Stand By Me

If there only was a way to be certain to know for sure if a person that you trust always will be by your side... I wish there were but saddly and logically it's impossible to know because you have got to trust people and then just hope they'll still will be around when the going gets though...

Of course once parents generally doesn't betray you or leave your side (at least that's not what they're supposed to do) but some might... If you won't even be able to trust your parents to stand by then who are you supposed to trust and what are you supposed to do? Luckily for me my mum and dad has basically always believed in me but that doesn't seem to be enough because humans needs more people than there parents around in there life. What would life be without friendship and love ? I'm asking you since I'm incapable of answering that question...

Maria Mena's tribute video of Mitt Lille Land....



© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Sunday 24 July 2011

Confessions Of An Absent Minded

In adoption there's one evident thing separation (some may only have to go though three or less) but I've spent my first three months at an orphange which means that I first was separated from my birth mother then shortly after that I went to hospital and after a few days I was sent to an orphanage where several nurses or women cared for me then I was taken from the orphanage to the airport and from there I had an escort. But once I was on Swedish soil I was finally at my arrival destination.
At what was determined by law to be my mum and dad.


Several years later my brother arrived but unlike me he was placed at a fosterhome and was taken from Korea to Sweden by our mum.

See where I'm going with this?

If you start to think about there's no wonder I might have a hard time trusting people or letting people in... I don't really have any actual memories from my pre adoption time but imagine being tossed around different people even before you're 3 months old... That must leave some kind of bad memory (maybe uncontiously if anything). A newborn child and baby need stability and security or else that child might develop trust issues down the road. At the time of my arrival Korea didn't allow adoptive parents to travel there to pick up there children in the country since Korea would hold the Summer Olympics two years later. That's basically why I came to Sweden with an escort and I do believe it has messed me up a bit...

When we're already taking about adoption let's move the focus from adoption post adoption and reunion... As an adoptee that has been reunited recently I realize that it's impossible to not feel hurted and hurt your birth family. What do you write about in letters? You write about your life, a life that most likely might be very different from your birth family but more importantly writing about it your new is in itself hurting your birth family... Because it seems as if you're reminding them about the differences between you secondly you might offer them comfort or statisfaction just by the fact that you're alive...

At the same time it might be hurting the adoptee too, (both reading and writing) because you might realize that it's impossible for you to become a member in you're birth family. To me it seems very likely that the adoptee is shaped and influenced by the adoptive parents moral and values but also by society... This is also another factor that might be just as important to rembember. Because of your different upbringing you (generally) weren't raised with the same values.

An adoptee will always be an adoptee , it doesn't matter if the adoptee is newborn, 1,5,15,20 or 45... An adoptee will alawys be an adoptee (unless the adoption is dissolved). And there's no case where a certain kind of adoptee is better than anyone else. We're all the same, we share one thing yet we're different peoples with different lives and personalities.
I feel the need to write about this horrible event although I didn't plan to do so... (Yesterday) 22th of July, Oslo Norway was attacked twice by a bomb and later by wild shoutings. At least 91 lost there lives. I find no more words for this... Tomorrow Norway will hold a one minute silence to honour the lives lost on the 22/7 2011... Build the human chain for Oslo here .

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Saturday 23 July 2011

For My Brother

Dear brother, I want you to know that I honestly do love you.
We aren't related not by blood only through adoption which makes it legal.
I know I should be more mature than you because I'm older but it's really hard for me...

Our relationship makes me realize what it is that I miss from my birth siblings.
I know we had our hard times, we might not be so close because we are as different as night and day.
I know I probably don't say I love you often enough or appreciate you like I should.
I'm sorry for all this and I'll try become a better person if not for our parents then I'll try my best for...
I wish I could be the bigger person...

Our relationship might be the closest I will ever come to a sibling relationship, as far as my birth siblings and I go I think it is too late to create that genuine sibling bond that you get from growing up around each other. I wish I could restore or mend it back to what it should have been but I can't it doesn't matter how hard I try or how much I desperately wishes it could happen.

Nature never intended for us to be related, not even to know each other or grow up with each other like we did. But since we not only share the fact that we're adopted we were raised with the same parents and knows each other only as brother and sister. Yet we are as different as night and day but I want you to know that you'll always have me. I'll always have your back because you're now my brother and deep down I love you.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Friday 22 July 2011

Swedish Tourist Sights

  1. The Swedish archipelago (Stockholm)
  2. The Turning Torso (Malmo)
  3. Gota Canal, (Mem - Sjotorp)
  4. Liseberg, Goteborg (Amusement park)
  5. Gränna, Peppermint Rock Candy making
  6. Visby, Gotland
  7. High Chaparall, Wild West theme park
  8. Skane & Smaland (Wilhem Moberg & Astrid Lindgren)
  9. Ice Hotel, Jukkasjärvi
  10. Falu mine, Falun
  11. Båstad (Tennis week, Norrvikens trädgårdar)
  12. Gamla Stan, Stockholm (old buildings)
  13. Kolmården, zoo with car safari
  14. Vasa Museum, Stockholm
  15. Skansen, Stockholm (theme park)
  16. Grona Lund, Stockholm (Amusement park)

Funny places to stay ?

  • Norrqvarns Trollstubbar, Lyrestad
  • Undervattenshotellet, Utter - Inn, Västerås
  • Hotell Hackspett, Västerås
  • Hotell Andarum, Hornbergarsjön
  • Sala Silvergruva, gruvskikt
  • Jumbo hostel, Arlanda
  • Prison cell, Långholmen
  • Af Chapman, Stockholm
Have you been to Sweden or Stockholm ? What's your favorite place in Sweden ?

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Thursday 21 July 2011

    Preparing To Fly

    Why did you have to adopt me, me of all people !? Why couldn't you have chosen someone else...? You have not exactly made yourself a favour by adoption (buying) me from South Korea.
    Did anyone ever tell you that Korean is one of the world's most diificult languages to learn !? Did they tell you? Or didn't you listen!? If you´re from the Arbic speaking or Finnish speaking world then learning Korean isn't really that hard since they are from the same language family.

    Why, why !? I sometimes wish the words that come out of my mouth could be fluent Korean (Hangul) and not some unimportant language like Swedish. Because honestly what good has that brought me !? Nothing, nothing at all to be honest. If I could make just one wish I'd wish without a blink that I would have Korean as my native language or at least know fluent Korean.

    If that happen I could easilly write Korean letters and emails. Read the original letters without having to wait for translation. Maybe even speak on the phone with my real family...

    Sometimes I do hate being adopted. Enough sad.

    I'm still in Sweden but as every day comes too a close my departure to Seoul is coming closer. I'm trying to prepare myself, listening to K pop song on Spotify. Trying to watch some Korean dramas online and reading some Korean newspapers (online)...

    If I could I would probably take out my chopsticks and try to improve on my chopsticks skills.. I'll have to remember to ask mum to help me put my Han Bok and then take a picturé of me wearing it.

    Do you have any advice on how to prepare for Korean trip ? (I'm not talking about different places to visit, what to eat or do... What I mean is if you do something special to prepare yourself before a journey to another culture?)

    Something kind of akward happened the other day, I bumped into an old calssmate of mine, from 4th grade. First of all I didn't know what to do since it was akward, how should I have presented myself ? Secondly, my classmate was pulling a shopping cart and in it was a toddler. Suddenly I felt very old, bear in mind that we're the same age...

    I'm not sure if this blog still would be up and running if by chance someone from my birth family found it... Then I might have to maybe not delete it completely I might be able to keep most of my posts... But if that happens I sure will let you know.


    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle


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    Wednesday 20 July 2011

    Korea Betrayed, Donald Kirk



    I really like the frontpage quite a lot (it's a black and white photo) which I personally think is much more classy than those colour ones. Black and white photos reminds me of the 1950s somehow. Anyways, the title of this book by Donald Kirk is really hard to forget , don't you think ?

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Tuesday 19 July 2011

    It's Raining Cats

    When I had been living on my own for about a year I decided I was tired of living alone so I decided to get myself some company... I bought a cat (Yeah , what did you think... ???)

    Three or maybe four years later, he's developed such a big personality.. I'm not joking it's almost like I'm a dog owner and not a cat owner. He's desperate for company doesn't like to be alone, but he's not a cat that like to cuddle unless he decides it's time. Moreover he's so extremely curious (just like me) honestly I can't remember exactly how much stuff he's ruined and he's not even eight yet...

    A month ago or so he came up with the idea to climb on the roof top of our house, at the very top the highest he could climb. What on earth did he do there? Turns out he was chasing birds and well, no surprise the roof top supposedly smells of birds...

    The first time this happened me, my mum and my brother was trying to make him climb back in from an open window (of course he didn't want to) the only thing we managed to do was to make our next door neighbour  stare right back at us from the similiar window...

    Not long after that I was watching TV with the bedroom window slightly open and the cat somehow managed to climb in and out of the window for several times without me even noticing... And I believe he managed to pull this stunt of at least three maybe foor days in a row before I cought him...

    I've also found my cat with the head in the toilet (drinking like a dog) on more than one occassion. I still can't figure out if he thinks he's a dog or a person or if he knows he's a cat strangely enough he's apparently also suffering from separation anixety for some strange reason and he's always following you where ever you go (like a dog) and if you leave to go inside then he's there before you blink... Actually I don't think cats deserve the degrading status they've been given.. as if a dog is so much better.. A dog is sloopy when he eats and not to mention when he drinks , they also smell bad occassionally. I don't get it I like cats not dogs, a cat will decide for himself if you're worthy enough of their love and devotion a dog won't.

    BTW, as I'm writing this entry the little one is lying next to me close to the computer, maybe he wants to make sure he can give this entry his approval before I publish it?

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Monday 18 July 2011

    Question Time

    Is there anything you'll specifically want me to write about ? Then please tell me.
    I finally feel like it's time. Time for you to ask me questions (if there are someone who would like to know something about me).

    You can send questions until the 31st of July.

    How?

    Either leave a comment in this entry or send an email to tasteofkimchiatgmaildotcom .

    Today I spent the day making two different kind of jam one was cherry jam with Cognac and chocolate, and the other was black and red currant jam with improvised flavour (sorry, i will not say now, maybe later).

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Sunday 17 July 2011

    Chocolate Cupcakes & Whoopies

    Bellov you'll see links to Chocolate Cupcake recepies, that I wish I could try one day.The only recepies I havn't tried this far are the Black Bottom recepie because my parents are away so there's no one to bake too, and the other one would be the Giradelli one because it's impossible to find that kind of chocolate bars and chips over here.

    The reason for this lighter entry is that I didn't go to bed last night, I was baking another sour dough bread and for that reason didn't go to bed until 5 AM or closer to 6 AM. But don't worry I'll be blogging as normal tomorrow...

    I saw a Swedish cooking show the other day where they made whoppies (not Whoppie Goldberg) some kind of cake with filling in the middle maybe it resembles macroons somewhat. I might be making that soon...

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Black Bottom I

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    Saturday 16 July 2011

    Ars Gratia Artis

    Art for arts sake.
















    Just for the record it's two different kind of dough which took about 4 days and 12 hours to finish... And the correct guess would be sour dough bread.... I even went up at 5:30 AM just to finish the last batch... If that's not dedication, then what is it foolishness ? The long wait was actually worth it because the taste was priceless...

    I has also learned that I has been accepted to a Korean course at University level, but I decided to decline the offer since I for one already have booked tickets to Korea. Nothing is better than learing Korean while in Korea, right? I could of course have accpted the offer and hoped that I could get permission begin later but I'm not going to take that chance. To be away for two months which basically are the lenght of two subcourses doesn't seem feasable any time soon.

    No, ars gratia artis - art for arts sake, maybe my new motto...

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle


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    Friday 15 July 2011

    My Korean Treasures


    I guess many of you recognize those socks that goes with those Aladdin like shoes (you know highheeled shoes with a twisted toe)... Anyways, if you recognize them then you might know that those shoes are the shoes that is used for a Hanbok.


    This box is beautiful, right ? Almost like an artist piece but fact is that it is a box for a traditional Korean costume (also known as a Hanbok.) Which traditionally only is something that married Korean women used to wear...


    What you see on this picture is a purse for a Hanbok and the obligatory hair piece that you tie your hair with...

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Thursday 14 July 2011

    Korean Adoption Changes

    Korea's celeb couple ads to family (by adoption).
    Cha In Pyo and Shin Ae Ra has been dubbed South Korea's answer to Brangelina they even went as far as to naming ther daughter Ye Eun which means Jesus blessing. This was back in 2005 when domestic adoption in Korea still wasn't as common , maybe it became more coomon after Cha In Pyo and Shin Ae Ra's adoption.

    Korean adoption started with Korean War
    Intercountry adoption from Korea was started in the 1950s with the US and Holt agency. It soon allowed other nationalitys of couples to seek adoption. Right before 1988 the year Korea was to Hos the Summer Olympics the country suddenly decided to cut back on their inter country adoptions. Completed adoptions were the adoptive parents usually travels to Korea to pick up their adoptive child wasn't allowed and instead these children were sent on airplans with escorts. After 1988 there was a major decrease in completed inter country adoptions and after some year's Korea realized they weren't able care for their orphans and infants themselves so the limit for inter country adoptions were lifted.

    North Korea next
    As the international adoptions of Korean children is expected to decrease America is turning their attention to it's neughbour North Korea. A suggestion was made earlier that Americans would be allowed to adopt North Korean children (a suggestion that South Korea is showing no interest in).

    Restrictions imposed on international adoption
    Since introduced a quota system for allowed inter country adoptions it has resulted in extented waiting period for prospective foster parents. Which isn't that popular as supposedly younger children would be easier to get attached to. But this would allow Korea to seek for other options for young children before opting for international adoption

    Bill #1812414
    A new law has made it more difficult for prospective adoptive parents that wishes to adopt through international adoption , since the new law states that the government has to try all other avilable options before agreeing to international adoption. In the future there's a hope that the international adoptions of Korean children will decrease until an almost non existent level. Finally someone is willing to listen to the adoptees , although international adoption can be acceptable as long as it happening correctly. (Which in the past hasn't really happened).
    South Korea is shifting their policy towards family preservation instead of promtion of adoption.
    It also would enable adoptees to seek for their birth parents and to get access to birth records and in case of medical emergency they would get direct access to birth parents information if it is believed to save the life an adoptee. This is all thanks to Jane Jeong Trenka, Tammy Ko Robinson and Kim Stoker that assisted in the process of creating bill #1812414.

     ©  Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Wednesday 13 July 2011

    Ultimate Test Of Dedication

    What's an ultimate test of dedication ?

    Yes, it could be having an infant or baby to care for or a pet perhaps. But what do you do before that? Before you know if you're ready for such a big commitment ?










    It's some kind of dough with extremly long preparation time... can you guess what it's going to become? Did you really think I would stop baking just because it's summer !?

    Please don't read to much in to this entry (a child can't compare to a pet or plant I know that, it's supposed to be a little bit silly. ) Hopefully nobody is offended by the comparison.... Small hint this concuction is supposed to be healthier (why I will reveal soon enough...)

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Tuesday 12 July 2011

    Adoptees & Names

    For adoptees a name can be a toughy subject... to change or not change... there's those who might seem to want to do it but don't do it for some reason... Then there's those who go through it...
    As for me a Korean adoptee living and raised in Sweden I thought that it was quite common to make a legal name change... But I later learned that most adoptees (in Sweden) didn't prefer to keep their adoptive parents surname instead most of them replaced or reclaimed their original surnames ...

    Maybe I was naivë or just plain stupid, but no I don't regret it what I would like is that people wouldn't assumme so much about me based solely on my apperance.

    Since I started blogging I've discovered a few adoptees that has gone through the same thing as I did (the legal process) although this probably isn't identical for every country.

    Amanda writes about her own experience here as well as Mei - Ling and Thequeenofdenial ... I'm convinced there are more adoptees out there who may or may not blog,write or talk about their name change . But these two are the once I so far know of.

    What really inspired me to write this entry besides the bloggers already mentioned was a discussion in the Birth Mother's Forum some time ago...

    What's in a name ? A name is usually chosen by a child's parents but there's supposedly more or less possible for youngsters and adults to change their names. But what happens if it is an adoptee who wants to reclaim a lost name ?


    It does seem to pose as a valid threat for adoptive parents, regardless of the adoptee's reason to initiate a name change... But regardless of which it does look like not even a name change would be able to overcome and overwrite years of separation (from the birth family) because in the end it is the adoptive parents that most likely knows the adoptee the best.

    But sadly but not surprisingly, I do realize that in hindsight it most take a real dose of courage and determination to actually finalize a name change. I don't think my adoptive parents thought that much about it (since I had been talking about it for about a little less than 10 years) so I don't think they actually were threatened by it at first...

    Maybe they thought she's just having another one of those ideas it's that kind of day today... When I finally said that I would go through with it my adoptive parents showed my no support, none at all. Fact is that that they even questioned if I was prepared to pay several thousands for a sentence on a piece of paper. My mum also made it clear for me that I would have to use my own savings if I really wanted to go through with it...

    Here's the thing I first started talking about changing the spelling on my Swedish personal name (the name my adoptive parents gave me) that decision was one that my adoptive parents gladely would support. Prior to this I had only mentioned reclaiming my Korean name, I hadn't mentioned anything about my other name. When I finally did my dad and grandmum were the ones that objected the most, why should I have to be so difficult and change the name my adoptive parents gave me (I don't think I changed it I only replaced my Swedish personal name with a more internationally recognized version of the same it even had same meaning as my previous name did).

    I remember my grand mother starting to talk about my grand father how happy he had been when he became grand parent, how proud he was of me and so on. Then she finally objected with teary eyes that I was Swedish so there shouldn't be no reason for me to change my name. But you see, even though I love my grand mother in this case I do believe she was wrong...

    There should be nothing wrong with me wanting to honour my birth parents, country and culture which I would be doing by reclaiming my birth name. But even today Swedes are sometimes threatened by other Swedes of different ethnicities than a name change is not exactly making things any better. I'm proud to be Korean because I was born there and maybe I should have been raised by my birth parents... I want my personal name to reflect my new identity and I would like to have my Korean name on my tomb stone one day (strange argument perhaps) and I'd like my new name to be used instead of the name my adoptive parents insisted of naming me.

    I must say that I very early on considered telling my birth family about my name change (my adoptive mum suggested that I shouldn't have to tell them) that's just the thing they havn't been around for that long in my life and I do feel like I want them to hopefully get some kind of sense of exactly how important they are to me. So in the end I ended up telling them about my name change but the reaction that I recieved was to honest not what I had expected. My birth family's answer was that I shouldn't change my name (why I still don't know they could have been afraid that I resented my adoptive parents, or maybe they're proud to have a younger sibling in Europe and by replacing/changing my name it wouldn't be as obvious).

    To this day I still don't know why my birth family reacted so strongly to a decision that I thought would make them feel proud... I think I might have understood my birth family's reaction better if I had decided to change my surname instead of my personal name...

    In my case the surname I was born with back in they was shared with approximately 29631364 people since my surname from birth belonged to one of the four most common surnames (which would be either Young, Lee, Park or Kim and with different spellings and pronounciation). Now you all know not only my original surname but also the surname of my birth father and siblings...

    When I was adopted I ended up becoming the child to two Swedes with one Sweden's most common surnames. (Which would coincidentally consists of 15 Swedish surnames known as patronomicums that would be Andersson, Bengtsson, Eriksson, Gustafsson, Hansson,Jansson, Johansson, Jonsson, Karlsson, Larsson, Nilsson, Olsson, Persson, Pettersson, and Svensson) which would make me one out of 1802277 Swedes... After an adoption you instantly becomes a part of the adoptive family and thus generally gets a new surname (the adoptive parents). Because of adoption the surname which changed reflects the adoption in a nutshell (you're no longer a member of your birth family). So I suppose changing the surname (although it seems to be the most common name change for adoptees) it might also be seen as the ultimate betrayal in the adoptive parents eyes...

    Would you as an adoptee consider honouring your birth culture or birth parents by giving them appropriate names from that culture or maybe name your child after one of your birth parents ? If you had to choose would you pick your birth parents names or your adoptive parents names?

    Some questions (for KADs only) have you given you're child (if you have any) a Korean name too besides it's legal name , (given that the legal name isn't Korean...) Or do you plan to give your future children a Korean name too?

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:

    Adoption Swedish Style

    Rebirth

    Dual Citizenship

    Patrynomic Names

    Adoption Day

    Here I Come

    Monday 11 July 2011

    How Did I Get Here, How Did It All Start

    If you want to know about my life and journey so far  then I advice you to read this page.

    You'll basically get to know everything you need to know up until now... I'm not in the mood of repeting myself (yet again).

    Do comment if you feel like it but please read this before you do.

    1. English is a universal language (who knows Swedish except Swedes!?)
    2. Sharing memories and (life) experience
    3. Reaching out to other KADs or KAD relatives
    4. Wenting with other adoptees
    5. Swedish values and perspectives and so on...
    When I begun my quest for my birth family I desperately wanted to know the exact time of my birth (for different reasons) but since there were several complications I will never be able to get an exact birth time confirmed. But I'd say it's about 80 % certain that I was born in the morning and not at night (most adoptees are because the physician usually don't work at night).

    Know this when I blog I use my own experience, life and events and so on but I know that nobody else will be like me or have a life that's exctly like mine. But I do believe it can be helpful to share experiences with fellow KADs or adoptees.


    As I said the other day as for adoptees there's no right or wrong when it comes to how you live your life or deal with your adoption (as long as it's legal of course).

    Let's finish off with this question: do you let people in the blogsphere know if you've linked to them? Do you also ask for permission to do so? (Just out of curiosity when do you comment on other blogs?)

    You don't actually have to comment or answer any of the questions I'm simply wondering that's all.

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Please Read

    1000

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    Sunday 10 July 2011

    That's The Way The Cookie Crumbles

    My motto in life is to treat others as you would like to be treated... or else I suppose you might end up in something best described as that's the wat the cookie crumbles...

    The biggest IKAA Gathering so far will begin in about a month (give or take (book the date 12th - 15th August).


    What happens then ?


    The Swedish Korean Adoptees Organization will celebrate their 25th anniversery (it's the oldest NGO for Korean adoptees). It's the oldest NGO for Korean adoptees so it could be really special.

    I will not be attending myself, (although I seriously thought about it for a second) it's somewhat expensive and I don't know that many people irl besides I'm saving my money from my upcoming trip. I think that would be much more fun, I've never been much for partying...

    Lately I've become more active in the blogosphere ( I've started reading adoptee blogs and what's more started commenting). I'm still not sure what people would think of me, what they associate me with... All I know is what I am, although someone else would have to fill in the rest here.

    This might sound incredibly stupid but I actually miss all the things I could have been ...
    a real sister to my birth siblings and younger daughter to Omma and Appa. It really doesn't matter how hard I try to attempt to recreate that feeling , because I can't turn back time or make things undone. My life isn't a bad dream although it might have started as one.

    That's a hard thing to swallow, but that's my life and I know I will still struggle trying to come to terms with this (which to me is the true essence of adoption). I realize I might have to have to pat my back , move on (the best I can) and try to get over this but as this really is my life it won't be easy... But I'll try my best, at least I'm not alone , by reading other adoptee blogs and that's a small comfort...

    Or maybe I'm doing it all wrong (there's no How To books on how to get through life as an adoptee or not even a general solution) instead we have to learn by living...

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:

    Catch 22

    Discount Adoptee

    Bending Over

    Saturday 9 July 2011

    Right Here, Right Now

    What am I ? Who am I ? What's my name ... How will people remember me... What do people remember me for...
    oh you know that Korean girl, the adopted one... who doesn't know Korean...

    This post was previously published but removed by blogger (not by me).

    I heard the other day that England is launching a lottery were you can win fertlility (IVF) treatments... I think you all know what I personally feel about that. A child isn't an item, it's new innocent life. A child can never be compared to a fancy car , a posh house or thousands of $ or £. Imagine what that parent later would have to tell that child:

    You weren't planned, you were a lottery prize... !!???What !? (Hopefully no parent would actually say this out load, but then again you never know.)

    Has the world really gone to such drastic measures and what about the infertil and childless couples that desperatly signs on to win a ticket. In real lotteries the likelihood of a win isn't that high, so what are the chances going to be to win in this kind of lottery and what about second and third price, what would that be ?

    Last month a new law was passed to enforce change in the infamous Korean overseas adoption, it's certainly about time... Korean Society (and the world) has changed and developed in so many instances since the 1950s yet they still lack far behind on others. One of those would be the continued practice of Korean overseas adoptions.. but since Korea will host 2018 Winter Olympics in less then 10 years I suppose they really will try to make a bigger effort this time. One could only hope I guess...

    But has time really changed Korea that much ? Are they ready to start supporting their own orphans, infants and children?

    As many of you might remember (South) Korea has already tried to implement a similar law years before. That time they seemed more concerned with ending international adoptions, which in the end didn't work out.

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:

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    Adoptee Arrival

    Tears

    Reality

    Don't Push

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    Friday 8 July 2011

    Dreams

    Do you have any dreams ?

    I suppose you do, I think we all have at least one thing we aim at and ultimately wants to achieve.
    Personally I'm not sure if I'll ever get a chance to see mine fulfilled.

    If I'll never get a chance to fulfill my lifelong wish I hope that somewhere , sometime I'll get a second chance to know my birth family. (With or without my later family).

    I've already mentioned the lost generation and domestic US adoptions and I usually blog about Korea in one way or another. I'm not to sure about what nationalities and nations that gives their children up for adoption, but I do believe China is one of them. Then there's of course the war related ones like Vietnam, Sri Lanka and so on...

    I might write about other cases in the future, although I probably have to learn a little bit more about them...

    Enough about that now (no disrespect I'll write about that later on), South Korea's Pyeongchang will host the 2018 Winter Olympics!!!

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:

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    Thursday 7 July 2011

    Random Seoul pictures II

    This will probably be the last entry of Korean pictures before my trip, and yes all of them are from Korea or Seoul dating summer 2011...

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Wednesday 6 July 2011

    Writing Something

    I do realize my personal limits, after my name change there's a lot of things I realized that I might not be able to do...

    Like for example pulishing a book, be on TV or whatever public activity you can think of and then there's another thing which would be to get married. Although many Swedish women don't take their husband's or spouse's surname (which I know that most Korean women didn't do either).

    Why is that ?

    My name is unique I'm the only in Sweden who have those names in that particular order like that, spelled just like that and that version togheter with those other personal names...

    I havn't been thinking any more about future plans (like publishing a book or becoming a writer) and I have especially not been thinking about big life altering decisions. My dad's birthday is by the end of the summer and yesterday I asked him what kind of cake he would like for his birthday. That's how boring or interesting my life is right now. Let's just say I bake a lot these days...

    But earlier this week I started thinking about writing a novel about adoption seen from several different perspectives and over several decades.. I'll say no more.

    Speaking about adoption yesterday I mentioned Australia and the Stolen generation which also apparently has had a history of abandonment of children of mixed race and also of children whose parents are of differents beliefs... (but of course there could be more examples here) . Remind you that I'm not an expert I'm just an adult adoptee (and no I'm not an Australian adoptee...) But even so I think it is important to talk about these things... Which reminds me of a novel that we had to read in school by Sally Morgan called My Place...

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:

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    Killing Me

    What's Seoul

    Tuesday 5 July 2011

    Killing Me Softly

    No not really it's just a reference to the 1971 song Killing Me Softly With His Song, which was made by Charles & Norman Gimbel (but who seems to be mostly remembered as a Roberta Flack's song)....

    I have no one else to blame for the pain I sometimes feel. (The pain I've encountered in my adult years, I mean). Not so much the pain caused by adoption which is still a scar.

    I'm killing me softly.. and no body is around to pick me up or to make me smile again. And I've caused this by myself...(Or that's how it feels if I would try to explain it...)

    As an international adoptee adopted to Sweden I have always have had access to my birth certificate or what's called social study in my case (Although the details in that wasn't exactly 100% accurate). In the US maybe the entire US some states will keep the original birth certificate closed and some will only release this information later. I honestly didn't really comprehend exactly how complicated and complex this matter was. An American adoptee (by domestic adoption) could be born in one state and then later adopted by another state , which really seems to complicate the matter further.

    And let's not forget the Stolen generation (Australian adoptees of  Assie Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander) but more on that another day...

    Here's one petition on adoptees access to original birth certificates (US adoptees) as well as a site (American).

    Out of the US states only Kansas and Alaska has a law that grants access to adoption file and OBC (original birth certificate) while Alabama,Maine , Oregon and New Hampshire allows access at either at age 18 or 21 although Delaware and Illinous allows birth parents issue a veto to prevent adoptees to gain access and lastly Massachusetts which allows adults to born before 17th July 1974 and as of January 1st 2008 adoptive parents can gain access to OBC which means adoptees born before 17th July 1974 can't get access...

    (The above information might not be 100 % accuarte...)

    As you are reading this I'm getting ready to go to bed for the night...

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:

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    Adoptee Arrival

    Not For Everyone

    Why Korea

    Vivid Dreams

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    Monday 4 July 2011

    Bending Over Backwards

    I'm bending over backwords... because I attempt to catch your love, get your approval and acceptance. It's a though road to take, and I often end up feeling bruised and discouraged. Maybe that's because of the fact that I'm trying to repair the damage or scar from adoption. (Honestly speaking,I'm not sure why or even if I am trying to repair something, since society's pressure and presumptions has made me feel unsure and a bit lost and confussed, and let's just say (for the record) that my adoptive parents is behaving really strange some days)...

    And that seems to be something I can't achieve, at least not now, all by myself. With support or encouragement I'm afraid I've choosen the road headed straight towards failure.

    As some of my know I recently decided to reclaim my original birthname (which in my case would be my personal name) and ever since I've seemed to have gained access to another set of common misunderstandings, prejudices and generalizations. Like the fact that people seems to assume that I can't speak Swedish or that my native language is Swedish. Hey, that doesn't work not with that name, does it ?

    I am finally partially at ease (but only partially) you see I choose to take back my personal name instead of my surname... I'm honestly not sure what I should do in this question , a part of me would like to change my surname to simply because it was changed from the start. But then again I'm afraid what confussion that might cause for any possible future generations of mine. Although I've discovered that it easilly could be changed back...

    A part of me wants to, but as my adoptive parents reacted and objected my first name change in the first place I'm sure they wouldn't be exactly pleased to hear about my thoughts of maybe changing my surname too.

    Here's two major arguments:
    1. It's not like a change back to my birth parent's surname would nullify my adoption (certainly not)
    2. In Sweden it's actually legally possible to regain your original surname

    Here's a question for you if you're an adoptee what would you prefer to change your personal name, your surname or both?

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:

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    Finally

    What's Seoul

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    Sunday 3 July 2011

    Weird Fragmented Dream

    I still remember fragments of a dream I had not too long ago; I clearly recall being back in Korea with my (adoptive) family . Yet some things was different, in this dream my younger brother was with us in Korea.

    Fact is that he really wasn't last summer, but still there he was...

    I'm not exactly sure since it was a dream, but I think we were there to search for my brother's birth family.

    Here's the thing which made me realize it in fact was a dream:

    It seems to be like that adoption tendency doesn't it?
    A Korean child is adopted to Sweden and the next Swedish child is adopted to Korea... (someone made this particular comment in my dream, could have been my mum or dad..)

    This seems really, really strange why would Koreans adopt Swedish children while they still were sending away their own children ? (Remember now, that this comment is based on my dream nothing else...) Seems highly unlikely and unreal thus I know it's only a dream far from being materialized even in the future....

    I'd say that it is much more likely that Korea's domestic adoptions will increase rather than Koreans opting for international adoption themselves, wouldn't you say? At least if you compare the two mentioned in my dream. It was only a dream simple as that it's not something I dream would happen in the future.

    As for Sweden there has been suggestions about allowing domestic adoption by Swedish children as viable option instead of international adoption (and yes abortions too).. But as I'm not a practicing Christian I will not go into a debate about pro abortion or pro life...

    If this suggestion is accepted and made legal it would mean that homosexual couples that wishes to become parents would be viable to apply for domestic adoptions instead of waiting around for the world to change. As for where I stand on this topic (adoption in general terms), I can't give you a clear answer because it's to difficult for me.

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:

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    Saturday 2 July 2011

    Korean Restaurants In Sthlm

    If you're in Sweden or more particularly Stockholm, you might want to eat at a Korean restaurant right? Maybe it's promoting them, maybe no hopefully it's useful information for someone...

    Arirang, Norrmalm, Stockholm,

    Nam Kang, Östermalm,Stockholm

    Soraksan, Solna Business Park,

    Also be aware of the fact that I consider this as useful information especially for those looking eat Korean food while in Stockholm. There may also be other restaurants, but these are those I know about...

    Maybe it's like free advertising or promotion..., but I don't think it is because I don't get payed...

    Now you all at least know where too go and that's good , right? By the way no one is paying me to blog about something apart from my adsense ads everything else is chosen by me...

    Related posts:

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    Friday 1 July 2011

    Note Too Self

    Have you ever sent mail or packages (gifts) to Korea ? Obviously I have on more than one occassion. Do you know if it made it's way to the reciever ?


    I up until recently assumed that the Korean mail system was pretty safe.. But bare in mind that one; I sent a jewelary as a gift to someone.

    Two: Korea is a wealthy country, but there's of course still poverty and poor people there.

    Here's what really made me doubt the Korean mail system; I sent it recommended after having asked for advice about how to safely send it ensuring that it arrive safely.
    However, it could have gone lost somewhere on it's way between Sweden and Korea. Someone else might have signed for it (you don't have personal signatures in Hangul..)

    And no I've finally realized that Google, Altavista or any online translation isn't reliable for Korean - English translation. Maybe I'll inwest in some Korean children's books while I'm there later... Any suggestions on good Korean children's books? It has to be in Korean, Korean American writers won't do unless they write in Korean...
    Oh yeah, small note too self - the minimum wage in Sweden is 20000 SEK...

    Swedes celebrates their national day:
    • to commemorate the Swedish flag
    they celebrate the flag on the 6th of June:
    • that's supposedly the date that Gustav Vasa was crowned the Swedish king...

    Let me just end by saying that Sweden's now had it's very first established case of EHEC sourze is still unknown...

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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    Scary Reality

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