Born to Die

천국에서도 당신은 나의어머니입니다.

어머니, 천국에서도 나를 알아봐 주세요.

다음 생에도어머니는제되어주시겠어요 ?

평화

평화, pyeonghwa means peace which is something I really do believe in. I believe in equality and world peace. But it's difficult trying to strive and achieve world peace if you're not in harmony and peace with yourself.

사랑합니다 saranghabnida, means love and I do respect and feel love towards most, if not all humans. I am a humanbeing with feelings, I do love my family, relatives and friends.  

While North Korea, still is an autocracy still ruled by a direct decendant of Kim Il Sung, namely his grandson Kim Jung Un. While the population in North Korea are deprived of most things we usually tend to take for granted. The majority is extremely poor and starving. Yet many have begun to oppose and ignore many of the regulations, laws and restrictions that doesn't carry a serious punishment. Some say that North Korea already is a plutocracy or autocracy.

The older generation; those who experienced the Korean War and the first decades after seems to be more positive towards a future unification of the both Koreas. While the younger generation seems to be very sceptical towards a joint Korea, since they fear that South Korea's economy will suffer once North Korea fall. When that happens it is likely-at least if you ask me that, North Korea and possibly South Korea to will change from an autocracy to a plutocracy. Once North Korea falls, which it will someday sooner than later.

Those North Koreans who are fotunate to still have directly related family in the South might become part of the small plutocracy group.
With that its very likely that South will witness a flood of refugees fleeing trying to escape a faith and poor future in North.

I believe it will affect South Korea and that the period of communism and democracy will be over. Then North Korea most likely will face a period of interegnum where it might be ruled under martial law, or possibly a mandate from UN or South Korea. Then it's possible I'd say that there will be a temporary coalition government with leaders from the South , UN and North Korea might also be a suzerainty at one point where South Korea or UN would have political influence over them. In the future , many years decades from now I believe that North and South Korea will have to form a joint government with power-sharing between them.

The likelihood of a unified Korea might never become a realization instead it is more likely that North Korea one day will become a fre state with a freely elected president and becoming a republic. We can only speculate how that will affect the unfortunate families that were forced to separate in 1953 as a result of the Korean War.

According to reports  as many as 128000 people are registered as coming from North Korean families in South Korea. Some 44 percent out of those is said to have passed away while more than 80 percent out of the living survivors is said to be over 70 years old. The organized family reunions begun in 2010, last years promised reunions were cancelled only the day before.

The very first family reunion was actually held as early as 1985 and so far 18 family reunions have been held... Back then family members were schuffled between Seoul and Peyongyang promting North Korea to only allow future reunions within Peyongyang.

Maybe the future unified Korea will be a technocracy or a theocracy, who knows ? What if the future for Korea means two independent countries and not a unification? Please bear in mind that I'm no expert in area at all.not really..No

Since the separation of Korea in 1953 South Korea has managed to become a leading world nation, with strong economy, high level of industralization and a major exporter of technology. Would South Korea willingly accept to lose their economic status and international reputation and become 21st century's Germany?

This seems very unlikely to happen, and South Korea wouldn't willingly accept it- of that I am certain.

It could be wrong of me but I identify with them, these unfortunate families that were separated by the war. Not able to communicate with their loved ones , not informed about their relatives whereabouts, major life events or current health status.

Being an adoptee means I naturally and obviously unfortunately are left out of any information. That daily contact with my relatives, parents and siblings- that I never recieves... Not about those trivial eveyday things. I kow I am one of the more fortunate enough to actually have had the possibility to meet my 어머니and 아버지as well as 언니을 and 남동생.

Even if we, reunited I've realized that it was near to impossible to reclaim my role in my  biological family. I was an infant when I left and I returned years later, I was the youngest at the time. I'm no longer the youngest I was raised in a different society, a society who appears to be the opposite of were I once was born. I'm no longer considered a family member which I learned from experience. Should I want to reconnect with them it seems another role and function has been assigned to me one that I am having trouble to accept.

Unlike the separated families I have a choice to either accept my faith or to walk away. Whereas they don't have that option I am very aware of that.

현실을 탈출

Sometimes life feels rough like there's no end to your pain...
Those days I'd like to curl up in my bed or to run away and hide
But hiding from your problems is only the act of coward.
On those occasions I do indeed have a special place that I allow my mind to travel to
It's place feel of vibrant life , scents and a city who never sleeps
Once in a while I imagine what my life would look like if I lived there...
What my future would hold if I went there...
As of right now though I can only drem
But dreams can come true

Letter From the Heart

사랑하는 엄마와 아빠는 내가 당신을 용서 . 

 내가 나를 사랑하지 당신을 용서.

To my mum and dad :

Dear mum and dad I forgive you for not allowing me to showcase my difficult emotions 

at times when I felt angry or sad during my childhood. 

I forgive you mum for not having spent enough time

 with me when I was a child. Mum, I forgive you for not having listened to me

 and taken me seriously when I was a young girl. 

Dear dad I forgive you for the fact 

that I didn't feel noticed while I grew up. I forgive you for not showing me 

and teaching me that it's alright to be angry or very sad.

당신을 사랑합니다

100 Reasons why I love my Omma...
She is relly really strong, having given birth 8 times (that I know off)... and endured a lot in her life besides my birth/stillbirth which really was relinguishment for international adoption...

 내가 엄마를 사랑하는 이

1. because I'm your daughter.
2. because you gave birth to me.
3. because you spent many years grieving for me.
4. you never forgot the day you gave birth to me.
5. you treasured me in your heart.
6. once you knew I was alive and well you wanted to se me.
7. the way you never let me go.
8. the way you held my hand.
9. the fact that you requested to sleep next to me...
10. the way you cried and apologized to me (in Korean).
11. you accepted a gift I made when I was 8 years old.
12. you clearly wear the pants in the family.
13. you are the person that I strive to be one day.
14. you want me to do well in life.
15. you feed me food like a child as a token of love.
16. I loved eating the food you cooked.
17. I know I'm you daughter since I inherited your appearence and body phrame.
18.  hearing your voice and listen to you talk. 
19.  liked the way you showed concern and showed me that you cared about me.
20. the way you raised my siblings and created your own family.
21. the unconditional love you have for me 
22. your big , warm and caring heart
23. your nurturing side
24. the love you show your grandchildren
25. your open mind, they way you offer friendship and respect
26. you never complain.
27. you take care of your family.
28. your strict and harsher side.
29. your family always comes first for you.
30. I know that you must love your husband.
31. your family listens to your words and advice.
32. you are the matriarch in your family.
33. how you feel the need to protect and console in hard times.
34. the love I see in your eyes.
35. the love I heard in your voice and what actions show.
36. how you brag about your children including me.
37. you want me and my siblings to be happy.
38. you spoil your grandchildren like a grandmother should.
39. you never reminiscence about the past.
40. you live for your children.
41. I know you missed me after having me.
42. you want to come to visit me.
43. you don't like my cat.
44. you were concerned about my scars.
45. you wanted to take me the hospital once.
46. you worried for me maybe you still do.
47. I want to get your blessing before I settle down.
48. I want to introduce my future mate to you.
49. you have experienced and overcome poverty many times.
50. I want to grow up to be like you and have your strenght. 
51. The culture of which I am product fascinates me.
52. I can't understand you, all I am left with is love.
53. I love the athmosphere there, all the spices and its scents.
54. The hurried pace in the city area.
55. I pefer the Korean courtesy over the ignorant European I-don't-care approach.
56. I love Korean cooking and especially Omma's cooking.
57. I love Hangul and the Korean language.
58. I love contrasts between the city area, suburbs and the country.
59. I love Korean dramas.
60. I always remember a sporting event when Korea is included, it means I can be patriotic and feels like I am close to you.
61. I am proud to be your daughter and sister even if you're more ashamed of me.
62. I love the Korean fashion sense, it makes me feel closer to you.
63. I always read news from Korea, because it makes me remember you.
64. I love...
65. It...
66. I love...
67. That...
68. One day...
69. Let's ....
70. I promse to...
71. Never ever
72. Always
73. Don't 
74. Forgive
75. Forget
76. Some day
77. Sooner
78. Once
79. I wish to
80. I'd rather
81. I
82. I
83. I
84. I
85. I
86. I
87. I
88. I
89. Maybe
90. Perhaps
91. Possibly 
92. It
93. Whenever
94. K-pop
95. soccer
96. The UN
97. The president 
98. Korean feminism
99. wish I could get married in Korea one day or at least invite you.
100. I want to honor my Korean hertiage and give my future children a Korean name.