Sunday, 24 July 2011

Confessions Of An Absent Minded

In adoption there's one evident thing separation (some may only have to go though three or less) but I've spent my first three months at an orphange which means that I first was separated from my birth mother then shortly after that I went to hospital and after a few days I was sent to an orphanage where several nurses or women cared for me then I was taken from the orphanage to the airport and from there I had an escort. But once I was on Swedish soil I was finally at my arrival destination.
At what was determined by law to be my mum and dad.

Several years later my brother arrived but unlike me he was placed at a fosterhome and was taken from Korea to Sweden by our mum.

See where I'm going with this?

If you start to think about there's no wonder I might have a hard time trusting people or letting people in... I don't really have any actual memories from my pre adoption time but imagine being tossed around different people even before you're 3 months old... That must leave some kind of bad memory (maybe uncontiously if anything). A newborn child and baby need stability and security or else that child might develop trust issues down the road. At the time of my arrival Korea didn't allow adoptive parents to travel there to pick up there children in the country since Korea would hold the Summer Olympics two years later. That's basically why I came to Sweden with an escort and I do believe it has messed me up a bit...

When we're already taking about adoption let's move the focus from adoption post adoption and reunion... As an adoptee that has been reunited recently I realize that it's impossible to not feel hurted and hurt your birth family. What do you write about in letters? You write about your life, a life that most likely might be very different from your birth family but more importantly writing about it your new is in itself hurting your birth family... Because it seems as if you're reminding them about the differences between you secondly you might offer them comfort or statisfaction just by the fact that you're alive...

At the same time it might be hurting the adoptee too, (both reading and writing) because you might realize that it's impossible for you to become a member in you're birth family. To me it seems very likely that the adoptee is shaped and influenced by the adoptive parents moral and values but also by society... This is also another factor that might be just as important to rembember. Because of your different upbringing you (generally) weren't raised with the same values.

An adoptee will always be an adoptee , it doesn't matter if the adoptee is newborn, 1,5,15,20 or 45... An adoptee will alawys be an adoptee (unless the adoption is dissolved). And there's no case where a certain kind of adoptee is better than anyone else. We're all the same, we share one thing yet we're different peoples with different lives and personalities.
I feel the need to write about this horrible event although I didn't plan to do so... (Yesterday) 22th of July, Oslo Norway was attacked twice by a bomb and later by wild shoutings. At least 91 lost there lives. I find no more words for this... Tomorrow Norway will hold a one minute silence to honour the lives lost on the 22/7 2011... Build the human chain for Oslo here .

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:

The Wall

The Weil

The Epiphany

Perfect Adoptee

Family Values

My Brother

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