Thursday, 16 June 2011

Discount Adoptee

This might be a beautiful thought I'm not sure, but my adoptive parents were able to have a second child some years after my arrival. The government stepped in and offered some kind of adoptee discount or adoptee state funding for a second adoptive child. Which would ensure that adoptive children didn't have to grow up as single children, if the adoptive parents would like to have more than one child regardless of economic status that is...

I can understand the purpose of it, but personally I know that the notion of my adoptive brother never can replace the loss from my birth family. Yet I also know that my adoptive brother feels more like my real brother and in a way we are because we were both raised by the same (adoptive) parents.

But somehow this makes me feel like an item for sale, but the only difference is that it's not items  it's human beings, innocent children, in some cases even orphans. Buy three get, the third one for free or buy two for one. Those kind of deals, which I think most of you are more familar with...

Of course adoptive parents might be able to help two unfortunate children instead of only one, although some might argue that doing that only would make them responsible for separating two families or alienating two children instead of one.

I'd say everything is relative, there's benefits and negatives to every aspect in life. Some might have benefited from adoption more than others, while some feel might feel the opposite.. No, there's no easy answer just follow your heart and stay true to yourself and the things that you believe in...
I'm not against a state funding per see but I'm afraid that such a knowledge to be known by the adoptees might cause a permanent feeling of inferiority complex. Sort of like knowing that yes I was adopted, so was my younger sibling/siblings but they are worth less then me.

Is the eldest child's life more valuable than the life of a younger child? How are the agencies and adoptive parents supposed to handle this dilemma ? Should they tell their children about this or not?

If the agencies and state's insists of keeping this wouldn't it be better if such information was made sealed (as to not harm the adoptees)? Should adoptive children be allowed access of such information?

Isn't it like putting a prize tag on love ?

Please be aware that I'm not against people that wants to adopt, not even those who might consider adopting more than once. I'm only asking what good such knowledge could be to the ones involved; the adoptees.

I almost forgot that yes, I generally suppport people's rights to become parents, but it's more important to safeguard the right of the adoptee instead of the prospective adoptive parents. Just a day or so ago I learned that a Swedish couple had adopted a little boy and they were overjoyed with happiness. But the final documents which would have abolished the birth mother's parental right wasn't signed yet and the time for the birth mother to retake her child had not passed. So it just so happened that the birth mother in fact did ask to regain her child, the one she recently had given up.

This might not be related to my main message of this post but I still think it is just as important. Yet I'm not familiar with particular case, neither do I know this couple. This last piece might add nothing of importance to the actual post other than reminding me of what's important for future posts...

(Which of course again, could be discussed... what's important to me might not be important to you)...

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:

Adoption Swedish Style

Word Of Advice

Swedish Agencies

Pain And Greif

Return To Sender

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