Thursday 30 June 2011

Swedish Summer

It's supposed to be time filled  with happiness, hopes and laughter. (But I know many, many people who don't experience the same or even just a tiny bit of what I define as Swedish summer).

School's out and you can relax, play with your friends, sunbath outside, go fishing at the lake, swimming every day, go on overseas vacation. Eat strawberries, pick mushrooms, lingon berries and blueberries...



How do you celebrate summer ? What do you do on your holidays? How will you spend this summer?




Do you by any chance happen to know why we celebrate our national day on the 6th of June ? And what do you think we celebrate? Guess away, I'll answer very soon...

Personally I havn't felt like it's summer yet, I still have my bit of summer fun left... ^^ Because of the crisis in Greece you could easilly find a cheap Greece vacation for under 1000 SEK... That is if you dare to take your chances...

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:

Korea

Fear Of Flying

Swedish Upbringing

Wednesday 29 June 2011

Life's Crossroad

I now feel more than ever before that I'm at one of my life's many crossroads as you may or may not know I will be going to Korea later this summer in about two months time. My last and first trip ever to Korea was sugarcoated in many ways although it still was pretty difficult...

My entire birth family gave me their 100 % attention as often as they could and usually I'm not that comfortable with beging in the spotlight. They really did their best in creating happy memories and
they were also really nice too me the entire time. I almost felt like an innocent child (in good way this time).

I'm not sure what this second trip will bring, but I suspect my memories from this trip will be less sugarcoated and pink maybe more kimchitasting. So I really do feel this a deal breaker but regardless Korea will always be inside my heart...

I sometimes feel like the pain from my reunion is almost more than I can take. I so desperately want to form some kind of relationship with my birth family yet I know I might be to naive for just trying. Like it's predetermined it will fail...

I so much want my siblings to like me for me and love me for me... Not just because I'm 입양아, 스웨덴 인 or  외국인 .
Sometimnes I think the years that passed are far to many, all the hurdles to big to climb...
I'm foolish because I know I probably will carry on playing out this charade until eternity,
or for the rest of my life.

Does 어머니 love me without feeling pity for me ?
 Does 아버지 feel proud of me without feeling guilty?
I'm not sure, I wish I could give a straightforward answer: 네.

Is it really so hard understand that I feel like my Korean birth family
is just as important as my adoptive family?
(Or maybe just a tiny bite more
 just because I've hadn't had the same chance to get to know them and make memories.)

I think it's almost that time now, time for me to make a life altering decision,
a choice between Korea (my birth land) and Sweden (my native country).
It's not so much about me having to sacrifice the other for the one I choose.
I truely feel and believe I need to invest and sacrifice a little bit of time and effort,
if I'm serious about trying to get to know my birth family. 

Really get to know them I mean, what they like, dislike and hopes for...
Maybe I'm foolish or brave, but I leave that judgement for you to make.
As for the poem I published the other day I wrote it,
when I was feeling a bit frustrated at my mum. W
hich doesn't mean that I don't love her, I do.

As for Ahlenius book I havn't read it,
it sounds interesting but to me it seems to add nothing new.
Unless it's written by the author who's actually experienced something themselves,
 I'm not really willing to read it let alone buy it.
The only expection is fiction and novels.


© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:

Family Values

Korea

Upbringing

Tuesday 28 June 2011

Swedish Upbringing

I know many Swedes that probably wasn't able to celebrate Midsummer's Eve, because a majority of employees at SAAB was told they wouldn't get their expected salary for Midsummer. The company has no money to pay their employees salaries, but there's appparently a small chance that they will get their money later in this week. Surprisingly enough the Chinese seems to have more faith in SAAB than, well no one else...

As I mentioned before Sweden is actually struggeling with poverty that affects children....
 Read barnfattigbloggen here (Swedish) . And why not when you're at it, also read fattigbloggen (Swedish again)...

What does it mean to live in Sweden (really)? Or more importantly what does it mean to grow up in Sweden not only as an adoptee but a Korean adoptee.. ?

Well, that's a though one and I only have my own life to compare with (so it might not be so accurate).
  1. You want to know where you came from (genealogy research is really popular)
  2. People (genearlly speaking) accepts you if you're adopted but not so much if you're a immigrant...
  3. People tell you to be grateful
  4. Everyone thinks it's ok to ask all kinds of personal questions to you
  5. You may get unwanted advice one in a while
  6. If you by some chance manage to find your birthfamily people want to know all about it
A few days ago I wrote a poem about my frustration and stigma ( I won't publish the entire poem) and a little warning READ IT CAREFULLY, with an open mind that is...

I was never meant to be your girl,
I'm not a product of your love
The eyes which I use to gaze upon the world
It's not your eyes
Yet it is your wourld that I see
When I look into the mirror it is not your face that I see
I see the face of someone else
When I speak I speak your language
Yet you cannot understand me...

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle


And yes, the poem continues but I will not publish the rest ( it can be interpreted in two ways as it is now, but only one is correct)... I don't mean to offend anyone, I'm truely sorry if I do but it's not my purpose of blogging.

 Sorry if this entry is a bit confussing, I hope you the message anyways... This poem was one that I wrote straight up from my head and it isn't meant to be uppsetting but it might still be...

Related posts:

Swedish Music

What's Seoul

Best Thing

Being Earnest

Monday 27 June 2011

Seoul Siblings

I'm a 입양아 which a lot of people are these days, and just like many other Korean 입양아 I have birth siblings. Birth siblings that are living in Seoul.  Even though we are siblings our lives are very different from each other.

I spend my days worrying about the future, clining on to the past to often while I really feel like I shouldn't do so since my Seoul siblings lives seems much hasher. Although I'm not sure who would give that kind of verdict.

They don't work 9 to 5, 8 days a week they work from somewhere around 10 til 7 six days a week. They only have free Sundays and only 3 payed vacation days per year. (The offical holidays is not included). If you fall sick, so you have to take time off from work they will take your sick days from your annual vacation... Yet if you're sick more then three days your employment might be in
jeopardy...

(Of course there's exceptions to almost everything and yes there are wealthy people as well as poor, homeless and working class people in Korea).

Which basically mean if you're really good at what you're doing chances are you can ask demands.


© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:

Stubborness

Broken Record

Here I Come

Family Values

Sunday 26 June 2011

Family Values

In Korea authority is given to the elderly, well educated, older, married and wealthier. Yet the family is not only more important it is also defined differently, in Sweden a family is your parents, siblings, children, your grandparents (and occassionally also cousins and aunts and uncles).

While the Korean language have specific words for each relative.

In Sweden it is very common for sblings to don't get along until later adulthood while Korean siblings seems to spend a lot of time together. And another thing is that you almost never go against your parents whishes while it is common for children and parents to disagree more often. That doesn't mean Swedes love their family less.

I had hoped that people really would understand why it's not only important for me that people start using my new 2000 SEK worth of name instead of the old used one. It's almost insulting to me actually and I'm serious, all that money should at least indicate the importance of exactly how important such a trivial thing is too me.

My university friends is most open and accepting of my new name, while my old childhood friends and classmates don't even have a slightest clue. I like it that way, honestly. But what really bugs me is that my immidate family and relatives still insists of using that old familiar name. Which means the people who know me through my parents relates to me using the same familiar name.

When I'm annoyed or somewhat angry I just splurs out it's not my name !!! Totally unKorean probably...

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:

Final Rebirth

Delayed Name Change

Complete Fullfilment

Saturday 25 June 2011

The Importance Of Being Earnest

One thing that really has struck me as diffference between Europe, Sweden and Korea is the importance of being earnest. The high moral value of living an earnest life (or a life without complaning, clining to the past and worrying about the future...)

I wish I really could live more like that, like a person who's biggest goal in life is to remember and live by the importance of being earnest... which as you all probably know was written by Oscar Wilde back in the days...


© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:

Advice

Like Korea

Neverending Challenge

Friday 24 June 2011

Vacation Memories

Midsummer's Eve that's a really big Swedish summer holiday (which happens to be today). Because of this I thought it only fitting to share some vacation memories.
Have you ever gone on a vacation and somehow parts of it is still not forgotten ?
I for sure have.

Once many years ago my family and I went to Austria and my parents insisted on ordering the famous Wiener Schnitzel, while my brother and I has some posh pasta dish. When the food finally was ready the waiter came out with my parents dishes first. Turns out it was dishes from the kiddie menu and I think it's safe to say they presumed that it was for me and my brother...

The waiter got so surprised that he managed to poor almost all of the fries in my mother's lap (she was offered a free coffe..) and after a few minutes the chef came outside and stayed in the dinning room for quite some time. It seemed as he was looking strait into the corner he was standing in...

Could it have something to do the with the fact that there was a family there , where the children ate the adult's food while the adults ate from the kids menu?

Just last year while my parents and I were in Seoul, where we often had a breakfast/brunch which consisted of Coffe with Bagels from Starbucks or Donkin Doughnut (although there are other coffeshops there as well) like the Coffe Bean and Tea Leaf and Wendy's.

Once I recall my mother trying to place an order in which she accidentally replaced bagel with Beagle as in the dog... The poor employee didn't understand a thing until mum finally realized her mistake and succesfully ordered three bagels with coffe...


Or maybe it was Beagles she ordered ? No, I'm quite sure I didn't eat dog and coffe for breakfast every day in Seoul.

 (Oh, sorry mam we're not a dog kennel, if you insists of buying three Beagles try a Beagles kennel. We're a coffeshop we, serve coffe and tea but we do have bagels if that is what you mean...) which I suspect the poor guy might have thought...

Happy Midsummer's Eve , everyone!


© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:

No Dairy

Thursday 23 June 2011

Fear Of Flying In The Sky

Oh my I can't believe it, I'm going back to Korea in just a few months. That's almost unbelievable next to a miracle or something.

Why ?

Well, I'm no experienced traveller I've been on my share of family vacations over the years. But they included charter, hotel stays with pool and sometimes also those posh all-inclusive hotels.

The truth is that I've only been on one overseas vacation several years ago. I went to England to learn English, but the only thing that improve was my weight believe it or not. Although I didn't stay at an hotel at time either.

But now when the tickets are booked I begin to worry, imagining things like I'll be stopped in the customs... I'll miss my flight, I'll somehow end up on the wrong airplane (like Home Alone) , I'll missplace my luggage, the airplane will crash and so on....

The truth is though that I dislike flying (the actual part of being in an airplane) although I generally like travelling. What I really dread more than anything is the take off and the landing and I suppose it doesn't really help to watch the Hamburg Cell and United 93 and other dister movies... Especially not the ones about 9/11....

Do you have any good tips about how you could handle flying.. ? I'm not really afraid of flying it's just really uncomfortable, I get the worst kind of headache and not to mention that my hear becomes really bad...

Also, I've ditched facebook over a year ago or something.. can't remember and now I started twitting... But you will not be able to find me so easilly on twitter...

And btw, apparently Ban Ki Moon has been reelected as the UN's generalsecretary... So much for Ahlenius book Mr Chance: The UN's collapse during Ban Ki Moon... It's a Swedish book, so I'm not sure if it's available in any other language...


© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:

What's Seoul

Here I Come

Wednesday 22 June 2011

Poetry Korean Movie

A Korean movie will be screened in Sweden after having won The Best Screenplay Award in Cannes, could be due to the director/creator/writer Lee Chang Dong or the talented actress Yoon Jeong Hee.




If I'm still in Sweden when it airs I'll definitively go to watch it. ( If and when it will air here).

Read about it here .



© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:

Korean Writers

Famous Koreans

Adoption Feels

Tuesday 21 June 2011

Korean Bread Recepies

  1. Soboro Bread 소보로 빵 (Chinese Pineapple Bread, sound familiar ?)
  2. Sesame Tapioca Bread link to recepie here
  3. Korean Mochi Bread recepie here

Are there any more Korean (bread) recepies out there ?

Have anyone of you tried to make the Soboro bread, Sesame Tapioca Bread or Korean Mochi bread?
The few different types of Korean bread I've tried aren't many and I think I was a bit disapointed by the strong sweet taste... Apparently there's a really popular bakery chain in Korea now called Paris Baguette which I think (I'm not sure) is an American chain...

I'm not sure if there are myself... Oh, yeah that reminds me apparently there's a Swedish caffeé Fika
 in Seoul these days. Of course us Swedes, can enjoy a tasty Cinnemon bun as well as a yummy Semla (Lengthen Bun). Although I most confess I've never visited that place so I'm not sure if it really tastes like home....

Why is it so that I've so far failed to find Korean bread recepies maybe because Korean's don't eat bread... And just for the record I havn't eaten any bread for a year now... I seriously doubt I will get a chance to bake this since I'm not eactly eating anything of what I make. Secondly it seems to sweet for anyone in family to even consider trying...

But it sure is tempting, and what about when in Rome do as the Roman do...

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:

Korean Food I

Make Korean Food

Korean Food II

Monday 20 June 2011

G.O.A.L Funding Cut...

G.O.A.L founding cut [link to GOAL's message, click to read]

Personally I as a Korean adoptee has never had to relay on your services although I know that many, many adoptees has been helped by them. It's obviously good that the Korean government is starting to realize that they need to change their approch for adoption in Korea.
Yet it seems like they are forgeting or neglecting to understand that it's not as easy to just move forward... What about the Korean adoptees that has been sent overseas already and what about the future adoptees ?

Shouldn't they be allowed some kind of help as well ? The government hopes that they will be able to discontinue their overseas adoption although I'm not convinced it will stop right away. That's why I still believe it is neccessary almost vital that G.O.A.L will be supported by the Korean state...

Other information says that this funding cut is seriously also affecting INKAS as well... Oh no, can't be. It just can't. What now ? What will happen (not only with thousands of Korean adoptees, but with the NGO organizations that so far has helped KADs?) And how will this new change of direction affect overseas Korean adoption? Will the already adopted KADs recieve no help starting from now, or what ?

I'm far from an activist, yet I'm a Korean adoptee...

Please don't read too much into this post, I'm very grateful and humble towards everything Korea and it's people has done for me so far (as an Korean adoptee).

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:

Future Plans

Perfect World

Korean Volunteering

Sunday 19 June 2011

Employee Benefits

This sort of employment benefits really makes me annoyed because you can't possibly compare a child to a fancy car, or let alone an increased salary can you ? A child is not something you can return if you might grow boored with it, regardless of explanation there's no excuse for putting a child into the world unless you love the other person. And have mentally prepared to become a parent. (But of course, there's children that aren't fortunate enough to grow up under such circumstances...)

It's actually true in 21th century Sweden a muncipality is offering their employees an extra benefit, they will be not only supported in their decision to become parents and start a family but also encouraged to do so because the population density is at a level that is very low...

At present the muncipality is enabling employees to start a family through both assisted pregnancy and adoption. (assisted pregnancy is a word I use to describe what I mean since I don't want to use such words in this blog). Should we really allow employers to make such a life changing decisions for us?

Shouldn't it be more important and best for all involved parts, if the employers didn't have to feel forced to use such carrots when they look for new employees? Isn't it almost like playing good?

I suppose you all heard about the woman's right to hear own body and right to chose abortion. Ultimately a life is always a life and the muncipality might feel like they've come up with a solution to ensure that they keep their staff while getting new at the same time as the population density is increasing...

But is it really morally correct ? I'm aware of the fact that both assisted pregnancy and adoption are hughly costly process to increase ones chances to become parents. And I do think it's good that we do have those options today. Yet, as far as I know the government is already supporting couples that decide they want to try these options... (the Swedish state supports assisted pregnancies that is, and you can get the montly child child support from state if you do adopt).

Is it really neccessary then to use such measures to ensure that your employees feel happy ? Isn't they forgeting something rather imortant, what about the child's right?

I'm not saying or implying that children born out of this solution are less loved than other children, what I'm saying is once more that people seems to consider it every person's right to become a parent. I'd say that is wrong, not all people are fit to become parents although a child does have a right to parents or at least economic security. (Which unfortunately isn't always met..)


© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:

Discount Adoptee

Moral Dilemma

Saturday 18 June 2011

Moral Dilemma

Exactly how should a court rule and who's rights should be followed? What's in the best interest of a child ?

Remember, when I told you about the Swedish couple that was forced to surrender their adoptive child back to its birth mum?
Would it have been better for the little one to stay with it's adoptive parents or was it really better to return to its rightful mother?

This is a though one, because the little child had most likely started to feel some sort of connection with it's adoptive parents and it's birth mother had agreed to give the child up for adoption. But it's not illegal for a birth mum to revoke such a decision she's entitled to change her mind.'

I suppose it was better for the birth mum to make such a change of heart, while the child was still pretty young and it's better she do something about it while she's still protected by the law than to wait until it might be to late.
I hope that the Swedish couple one day will be able to become parents, because losing a child in such a way most be like emotional torture. Sometimes things might not be meant to be, I know it may be little comfort in those words but still... What can you really say, it most be one of the worst nightmares for adoptive parents to experience.. Isn't that exactly what they all are fearing..!?

To be a parent your children doesn't have to be alive or live with you... But the loss is still the same...

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle


Related posts:

What's Seoul

Regrets

Discount Adoptee

Friday 17 June 2011

Korea Here I Come

My itenerary is planned and the tickets are booked.. finally.
I'll be in Korea again after only a year.. ghess who would have thought that actually would happen...?

Maybe you wonder how I got the money to go on such a trip, well not that it matters but for the sake of it I'll tell you that it was a gift from a relative and I'm extremely grateful. But I'm still unemployed living on my parents that is... I'll deal with that after my trip...

I'm not exactly sure what I hope this second trip will bring that I wasn't able to experience the first time around... I might have to high expectations, maybe this trip will become more difficult and challenging than my first trip... But as of right now I'm not sure of what this trip will lead to....

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:

Happy Chuseok

Future Plans

Vivid Dreams

Thursday 16 June 2011

Discount Adoptee

This might be a beautiful thought I'm not sure, but my adoptive parents were able to have a second child some years after my arrival. The government stepped in and offered some kind of adoptee discount or adoptee state funding for a second adoptive child. Which would ensure that adoptive children didn't have to grow up as single children, if the adoptive parents would like to have more than one child regardless of economic status that is...

I can understand the purpose of it, but personally I know that the notion of my adoptive brother never can replace the loss from my birth family. Yet I also know that my adoptive brother feels more like my real brother and in a way we are because we were both raised by the same (adoptive) parents.

But somehow this makes me feel like an item for sale, but the only difference is that it's not items  it's human beings, innocent children, in some cases even orphans. Buy three get, the third one for free or buy two for one. Those kind of deals, which I think most of you are more familar with...

Of course adoptive parents might be able to help two unfortunate children instead of only one, although some might argue that doing that only would make them responsible for separating two families or alienating two children instead of one.

I'd say everything is relative, there's benefits and negatives to every aspect in life. Some might have benefited from adoption more than others, while some feel might feel the opposite.. No, there's no easy answer just follow your heart and stay true to yourself and the things that you believe in...
I'm not against a state funding per see but I'm afraid that such a knowledge to be known by the adoptees might cause a permanent feeling of inferiority complex. Sort of like knowing that yes I was adopted, so was my younger sibling/siblings but they are worth less then me.

Is the eldest child's life more valuable than the life of a younger child? How are the agencies and adoptive parents supposed to handle this dilemma ? Should they tell their children about this or not?

If the agencies and state's insists of keeping this wouldn't it be better if such information was made sealed (as to not harm the adoptees)? Should adoptive children be allowed access of such information?

Isn't it like putting a prize tag on love ?

Please be aware that I'm not against people that wants to adopt, not even those who might consider adopting more than once. I'm only asking what good such knowledge could be to the ones involved; the adoptees.

I almost forgot that yes, I generally suppport people's rights to become parents, but it's more important to safeguard the right of the adoptee instead of the prospective adoptive parents. Just a day or so ago I learned that a Swedish couple had adopted a little boy and they were overjoyed with happiness. But the final documents which would have abolished the birth mother's parental right wasn't signed yet and the time for the birth mother to retake her child had not passed. So it just so happened that the birth mother in fact did ask to regain her child, the one she recently had given up.

This might not be related to my main message of this post but I still think it is just as important. Yet I'm not familiar with particular case, neither do I know this couple. This last piece might add nothing of importance to the actual post other than reminding me of what's important for future posts...

(Which of course again, could be discussed... what's important to me might not be important to you)...


© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:

Adoption Swedish Style

Word Of Advice

Swedish Agencies

Pain And Greif

Return To Sender

Wednesday 15 June 2011

Korean Volunteering

Just a thought and a likely possibility...

And since GOAL has been forced to close down due to lack of government funding this leaves KOROOT and TRACK.
Although I suspect that KOROOT also might be somewhat affected of this funding cut...
I'm only interested in trying to help the (Korean) adoption community somehow... And since it seems very likely that I'll be spending an extended holiday there I thought I could make myself useful there while I try to look for a job.

Life's pretty funny (don't get my wrong for using that expression) I know some (Korean) people that never had the possibility that I had, but I still do say that I suffered an emotional scare from that. A permanent one, although I never would try to compare my loss and pain to someone else's.

To live as an orphan and homeless most be such a challenge I acknowledge that, and I will hopefully never know what that feels like. Or to live as a single mother trying to raise your child while trying to earn a living, another challenge one that to me seems just as distant as the first one...

Sweden might not be able to offer me the thing I'm desperately searching for, the thing I still havn't successfully found.. I might be able to find exactly that in Korea. I'm still searching for a place to call my own, to call my home. A place where I belong, where people will not judge me but kind to me.


© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:

Pain And Greif

Perfect World

Tuesday 14 June 2011

Chocolate Chip Cookies



These cookies are not store bought, but home made from scratch.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:





Monday 13 June 2011

The Maze

If I was to describe my opinion or standpoint of international adoption it for sure would be maze. Because that is honestly how I feel, the world isn't just black and white anymore. Some things are simply to complicated to be easilly dismissed.

And while there are certain aspects in adoption that generally makes people believe it truely would be better compared to if things was unchanged. That is mostly true since there are a lot of adoptees that benefits somewhat from adoption. But they also seems to lose out on other things at the expense of adoption.

Sometimes adoption does make me think that adoption is a market and the items for sale are innocent children and infants. I would consider myself lucky but I'm still very much aware of what I've lost because of someone's decision to place me up for adoption.

And thing that really hurts is that it wasn't anyone of my birth parents that made that decision, someone else made that decision for them acting as my birth father. How am I to get over that ? Yes, adoption can be seen as a sacrifice or unwanted gift but what if it never was considered a gift to begin with? Instead of a promised future that new life was yet another burden.. What then?

Please note that the last part including my personal family history shouldn't be seen as criticism to neither of my birth parents. They did their best, they were never bad people. As for my adoptive parents, they were just as innocent as my birth parents. I love all four of them and I blame neither. I just want to throw in another perspective into the mix.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:

The Wall

The Weil

Adoption Circle

Sunday 12 June 2011

Perfect World

What's a perfect world to you ? Is it a world without international adoption? See my posts Society's Pressure
and Unconditional Love  from my other blog. (Yes, it's still going strong. )
Ask yourself if it really would be better, I'm not convinced myself...

Contrary to with you may believe  there are quiet a few children in Sweden that are poor, they seem to be found in single parents households. Imagine not being able to eat til you're full and the one meal you have are the school lunch. Going the entire weekend with no food, not being able to go on school activities because of that extra added cost. Never being able to go at a friend's birthday party because you know you never can repay them or being forced to stay at home while all your friends go on overseas vacations. What if you weren't even able to visit your closest family because they lived to far away ?

As I'm writing this post just minutes ago I learned that GOAL has been forced to close down due to lack of funding...

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle


Related posts:

Korean

Unpatriotic Swede

Dual Citizenship

Swedish Agencies

Swedish Politics

Adoption Swedish Style

Saturday 11 June 2011

시조

Since learning Korean the thought of writing a poem in Korean has been a thought that has entered my mind more then once. And since others (not me) has told me that I'm talanted in writing (Swedish) poems as well as painting I might want to try that one day.

Apparently a Korean poem is called Sijo or 시조 and after some research I've discovered that there are a few rules that you basically needs to follow.

I think my Sijo would start with something like ...

엄마 미안해.아버지가 날 용서하십시오.난 더 이상 귀하의 언어를 말할 수 없다는 걸.너도 내 모국어를 이해할 수있다.저는 한국어 배울 아니라 항상 우리 사이에는 큰 차이가있을 것입니다.난 나이 형제 자매가 모두 젊은 세.그러나 그들은 내 형제처럼 느끼지 않는다.미안 해요, 용서하세요.나는 한국 알았다면 널 향한 내 사랑과 헌신을 선포 것이다.당신을 사랑합니다.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:

Korean Writers

Famous Koreans

Friday 10 June 2011

Turning A New Leaf

A chapter in my life has already begun it begun as I started to approach my 25th birthday. Which means I'm no youngster anymore but rather a young woman, but I still live my life like I did when I was 18 since I have been living at my parents.

Although it seems like I've created some new values and opinions that I didn't have before. Like for example the notion that Korea always will be a part of me in some way since it was rudimentary for my past but also include my future. Because I'm certain I will travel to Korea many more times and maybe one day I'll bring my spouse and perhaps even my future children although I'm not sure exactly when that day will come.

Who knows right ?


© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:

Broken Record

What's Seoul

What's Seoul

Thursday 9 June 2011

No Regrets

I want to look back at my life when I'm much older or even at end of every day and feel completely satisfied that I've made the best out of that day. Lived my life the best I could with no regets. Because I thinks it's worse to regret the things you havn't done because you simply havn't dared to try rather then to regret the things you actually tried to go after.

Then you have at least tried to something. That should be worth more shouldn't it? At least I think so.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle


Related posts:

No Drama

On My Own

Wednesday 8 June 2011

Next Best Thing

I confess a part of me partially and at times long for a connection and sense of belonging with my birth family. That's the plain hard truth.

Yet my adoptive family has offered me a secure and safe environment as well as material wealth which I might not have had had I not been adopted. And I for sure wouldn't have gotten to know my younger brother (yes, the younger brother from adoption). Would I really want to sacrifice that for a second change with my birth family?

Probably not.
A few days ago I happened to be in charge of market stand selling strawberries in a bigger city in Sweden. Anyways, after a while an older woman came up to me she was really happy because she had finally found

a foreigner that sold strawberries so she just had to buy them from me. I'm so glad I've found you, you're not Swedish if you were I wouldn't buy from you but since you are an immgrant I have to buy them from you.
Suddenly my 25 years of life and upbringing didn't mean a thing, I was shocked and amazed as well as insulted. But fact is that even foreigners or no, Swedish immigrants aren't generally familiar with adoption. That I learned that day.  For (some) adoptees it may at times seem as an offense to be called an immigrant even if that is what we are except for the cultural heritage thing.

An adoptee generally speaking and oftentimes is robbed from their heritage and is forced to assimilate and adopt into another culture. While an immigrant very often brings their own culture and background with them. They also have a native language whereas adoptees usually don't speak their original language instead they learn the language in their new culture and country.

I feel like I might be back to my old self whatever that might be, but as for my future trip to Korea I'm still hoping but I don't want to take any chances or make early guesses right now. It's still early, and a lot can change and happen to prevent me from going exactly what I will not say.


© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:

Personal Experience

Why Like Korea

Shades Of Grey

Illusion Or Dream

No Dairy

 The Weil

Tuesday 7 June 2011

Famous Koreans

As a celebration of my 천삼 post I thought this post would be helpful...

한국계 미국인:
Sebastian Seung (MIT professor)
Daniel Chun (writer for Simpsons)
Peter Chung (Æon Flux author)
David J Kim (founder of C2 Education)
Do Won Chang &Jin Sook (founders of Forever 21)
David Chang ( Michelin -star chef and restaurant owner)
Sarah Chang (violinist virtuose)
Yujin Kim (actor; Lost)
Alina Cho (CNN correspondant)
Corina Knoll (LA Times reporter)
Lieutenant Colonel Herbert Choy (first Asian American admitted to the bar and federal judge, later feder Judge)
Colonel Young Oak Kim (first non white to command an Army combat)
Harry Kim (former Mayor of Hawai'i)
Paull Shin (Washington State Senator)
Mark L. Polansky (NASA austronaut)
Eugene Chung (NFL football player)
Myong Sok Namkung-Mayes (first female taekwondo master)

한국계 캐나
Park Jong Soo (found World's oldest DNA)
Sandra Oh (actress)
Grace Park (actress)
Jim Paek (former National League Hockey player)
Ben Chin (news anchor)
Hanna Sung (reporter on CBC radio)
Wonny Song (classic pianist)

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:

Tiger

2011

Monday 6 June 2011

Random Seoul Pictures I



Happy Swedish National Day as a celebration for it I will offer some new pictures from Seoul, of course.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

 
Related posts:












Sunday 5 June 2011

Update

I don't know what's worse, or more particularly what could the cause behind my blues... I've been forced to discontinue my university studies (oh well no surprise there), and since January of this year I've been searching for a part time job or employment.

I really thought turning 살이십오would be , maybe not a happy moment but at least sort of a mile stone well it turns out  it really hasn't been. I'm not quite there just yet but I will be pretty soon...

This might seem unfamiliar but somehow this whole thing has made me miss  한국 or more especially my birth family. It's like the loss of independence and income makes me even more aware of all the things I miss or lost.

The loss from the ultimate separation from my birth family is very apparent, yet I'm not sure if I'm supposed or allowed to greif that loss since I've never actually experienced it in the first place. Only at later stage as a young woman and adult.

I'll try to cheer up in a couple of days or two but I will be posting as normal.


© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:

Crap

Heavy Heart

Saturday 4 June 2011

Reflection

They say Koreans are stubborn... yeah, could be true I would call it determination or devotion. There's a difference here people.

Am I one of those guys ? One of the others?

I'm not sure, I might be but hopefully not that much ... So far I've encountered Swedish adoptees here in Sweden where some of them have completed a name change. What didn't you just do it... ?

Yes, I have but I believe my reasons for doing so is of a completely different character. Mostly it seems like adoptees decides to change their surnames instead of their personal names. Could be that the personal name is a sort identification.

Even among other adoptees my new name is meet with shocking reactions, disbelief what have you. Like adoptees who reconnects with their birth culture isn't supposed to call themselves by their original birth names. However I have done just that so maybe I possess a new kind of threat for society. I know one thing though I'm not the first adoptee that has had a name change nor will I be the last. From now on I'd like to live my life with no regrets, staying true to myself and my name change was a first step in that direction.


© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:

Final Rebirth

Delayed Name Change

Friday 3 June 2011

A One Note

A common feeling that I personally feel almost daily is that being an adoptee means you're a one note. A broken record, because we may come across as nagging and ungrateful (seen through the eyes of the non adopted people). But adoption is a traumatic experience no matter at what stage in the adoptees life it occurs.

Yet adoption has existed ever since the Roman empire and Korean adoption is an ancient costume especially in the royal houses in the race for the title and throne. A daughter to the king could easilly adopt not necessarilly a child but young boy which was to inherit in place of the woman, which during one time in history didn't allow female heirs.

I wonder if they knew or realized that international adoption from Korea would become very popular and complicated.

Personally I confess I have my ups and downs, I suppose that happens when I long for my Korean family or when I'm overthinking everything.

Related posts:

Broken Record

Thursday 2 June 2011

Ad Perpetuum

I'm caught in between my life in Sweden and a life in Korea. Right now it feels like it is a permanent thing like ad perpetuum... Maybe that we'll never change because I will always feel like an outsider someone that's almost always questioned, asked inappropriate questions and because of my appearance not looking like an ethnic Swede but rather that of a Korean. Are there even such a thing as ethnic Swedes .... ? Maybe, but I think that would only be the Finnish Lap people...

These days Sweden has a diverse culture with many different ethnicities not only because of international adoption but also because of 1st and 2nd generation immigrants.

By the way, maybe I seem negative and constantly complaining but if you think so, then it's not likely that's going to change.

(Of course, there's a limit to what is accepted on this blog. But please don't turn this blog into a personal war zone. Sorry for the expression)



© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:

Ab Imo

Amore

Wednesday 1 June 2011

Korean Writers

or more correcty writers of Korean decent, saddly my knowledge in Korean is not at such a level that I can enjoy novels in Korean yet. Maybe baby books, so all of the authors presented in this post are Koreans by decent and they write in English...

Here's a random selection of authors and books... Maybe you could recommend Korean authors or novels ?
  • Jane Jeong Trenka - (Language Of Blood, Outsiders Within, Fugitive Visions)
  • Kim Suneé (Trail Of Crumbs)
  • Therese Park (A Gift Of The Emperor, When A Rooster Crows At Night)
  • Mari Paik Lee (Quiet Odyssey)
  • Helie Lee (Still Life With Rice)
  • Richard E. Kim (The Martyred, The Innocent, Lost Names)
  • Nancy Kim (Chinhominey's Secret)
  • Nora Okja Keller (Comfort Women, Fox Girls)

    I seem to prefer books with titles that includes food somehow like Trail Of Crumbs and Still Life With Rice but to this day I havn't been able to read any of them. But I've read the books by Jane Jeong Trenka and I think it good that someone has been able to write about their life yet I think I personally would feel restricted since you only have your experience and your own life to compare with, but so far there has been 200000 Korean adoptees which means they most likely havn't had a similar life... We share one thing that is the notion of being KADs or adoptees but everything else might be more or less dissimilar.


    And yes, the problem with Blogger is still not fixed.

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:

    Korean Food

    Tourist Sights

    Seoul City

    Itaewon

    Unknown Things