Thursday, 15 October 2015

Wednesday, 9 September 2015


China, Mongolia, Tawain.
(South) Korea, North Korea.

Saturday, 8 August 2015

Funiculi Funicula

Life is fast you can't stop it not even if you tried. Enjoy the little time that you may have. Forget all your sorrows, fears and mistakes. Live for the moment not for tomorrow or in the past.

Tuesday, 21 July 2015

Como tu Mujer

As a woman in the 21st century I should not have to forsake my dreams or anything that makes me me. I should be allowed to strive, flourish and blossom.

 Just as I should be able to search for requited love to replace my eternal unrequited love.

As a woman I should be able to love anyone I want, of course I still have my moral principles thank you very much.  I may be a woman but a proud and indepent one at that I know I don't need a man or boyfriend to make my life complete.

But it would be nice for me to love another man, to mend my broken heart and to love another man as the woman that I am. My life might never feel complete but I think it should be nothing wrong with wanting to have someone to share your life with. There can be nothing wrong with wanting to establish a shared future with someone else.

Sunday, 14 June 2015

Kiene Langewiele

As an adult adoptee there are many things I refuse to make a family tradition. Obviously adoption would be one of them. If I ever start a family with someone I rather do it with another Asian. I'm patriotic that way, preferably Korean although a Chinese or Japanese would be allright too. I dream of having a child that has my genes and whose etnicity would be Korean, or maybe Asian as in Chinese or Japanese...

I think of myself as a rebel, and I refuse to share my life with anyone who doesn't understand what it means to be a female Asian adoptee and a KAD. I consider myself fairly flexible yet that is my most important value that I will not accept any compromises on.

Sunday, 10 May 2015

Non, Je ne Regrette Rien

Apparently there is a common understanding that if a young child experiences trauma it will most likely affect them. Some say the only remedy is regressional therapy that would help you re-experience said trauma and by doing so you can resolve it...
Not sure if it's true or not all I know is that I can't seem to shake off my past...

I don't want to live a life with regret. I don't want to have a past filled with regrets.
Yet it is better to regret past actions than never having tried.

Thursday, 16 April 2015

Always on My Mind

If I don't get after my dream then I will always be on my mind.
Of course I could always settle and try to contempt-but I would never be it.
Most likely I would turn into an angry bitter woman and that should say a lot.
I am not willing to sacrifice my dream for anyone not even if I gain unconditional love in return.
Not until I tried my best would be inclined to consider recreating a new life under new circumstances.

I just think a lot about my birth mother and my olders sisters. Now I know that it is my mother that somehow is accountable for their nonexistant contact with me. My maternal grandmother refused me the oppertunity be raised with my older siblings. I have been rejected by three generations of women in my birthfamily and also two generations of men.

Thursday, 12 March 2015

Off The Wall

Rumors. Facts. Truth. 
I want to resettle in Korea.

Why? How come ? Similar questions is what I recieve from anyone a stranger or someone who thinks they have a right to have an opinion my life and my choices. 

That could not be more wrong. I know what I am and the little culture I have been exposed to is not enough. Not a society that only halfheartedly is willing to accept you under certain curcumstances.
Society wants me to reject my origin, my proud heritage and my culture. 

I have been given a new one I should fully embrace it. Believe me I have and still I am not fully accepted. I was forced to learn the customs of a foreign culture and now I have to choose. Either fully adjust into it or make a concious choice not to.

For my entire life I have lived a life that people think they have a right to have opinions on and to offer advice usually of discouragement. I will never be fully accepted in a society that is supposed to be my home this exactly why it does not feel like my home.

The parents who raised me, that I call mum and dad will never replace the parents that I should have had. Instead they are the next best thing, but I love my mum and dad tremendously - but there will always be a part of me that I lost and always will miss...

Wednesday, 11 February 2015

Slipping Through My Fingers

I know what I want and how to get it. I cannot rest and settle down until my soul find peace and my heart discovered happiness that lies within. To me life is so extremely short-that we only have one chance to reach our dreams and full potential. I will not let this just slip through my fingers because I may only get one shot.

To me my lifedream is my number one priority-I will sacrifice a stable future and even love to reach my dream.

For 15 years I was separated and detached from them, 15 years ago I found them and got to know them. But no matter what I lost 15 years, years that I never will get back. I have been in reunion with my birth family for half my life. Which is not easy I should add, I am the second youngest child and youngest daughter out of eight.

Sunday, 11 January 2015

Let It Be

Let Me Be
The Me
I Was
Meant to Be
The Person That
I Once
Was Supposed
To Be

Is it not ironic that I have a yearning and a life long dream to resettle in Korea, try my wings and search for happiness and luck -while one of my sisters did exactly the opposite. She did not marry a Korean man, nor did she settled in Korea she built a future overseas.

The culture that I long to know better and love tremendously she choose to reject and cast aside.  For reasons I am not sure off she decided to marry a foreign man. She knows the culture that we both are proucts of she knows what she dislikes about. Whereas I cannot reject or dislike anything Korean it is a part of me. If I reject it, I ignore a part of me.

I cannot change what happened or undo my adoption . I cannot disolve my adoption (it's supposedly not possible). Whould I even want to..? One part of me wants to do it, and another part doesnt' think its worth it. That would cause more pain for one or both of my families plus it was almost 29 years ago I was relinguished for adoption.

Plus I don't even know for sure if my birth ceritificate is real (social study).