The Weil

Have you noticed that you easilly could become a permanent reader of this blog without having to worry about spelling and blog address?

It's not like my Korean birth parents or my siblings understands me better than my adoptive parents does. If there's a wall between me and my adoptive parents then there's a weil between me and my Bumo and my Onni's, Hyung's and Dongsaeng's. When it comes to my birth family it's like I always see myself emotionally walking through quick sand or like I'm drowning and there's nobody around to save me. Maybe things will always be like that, but I guess it can't help to try too learn Korean if I want to achive 2 % or less of that real unconditional bond between siblings and sisters that I really long for but hasn't been able to experience for real.

It's not like I could call any of my Onni's in the middle of the night just too talk, not that I'm sure if you do that normally but I imagine that you would....

Or asking my Hyung's for serious advice, I wonder if I ever will be able to do that... Maybe some day, in my dreams most likely.

As for my Bumo's I'm not sure how filial piety would be best described but would I be prepared to marry someone that they've chosen for me as a husband ... And then next would be children would I accept to have a child with just anyone whenever my parents would tell me to...
Those last two are hard ones difficult to process, maybe I would have to conform to my parents advice would I have been raised under their care and love but reality does not look like this, not for me. But I imagine that it does  look like this for my siblings. At least to some extent.

As life has it now I think that my parents only wishes that I some day in the  future would see me finding love, not neccesssarilly marrying and maybe have a child or to somewhere down the road. One advantage for me parents is that they don't have any responsability of finding me a spouse to marry that's hard enogh with several daughters. Now I guess all they can do is hope that I will find my most suitable life path and maybe at times offer me guidance.



© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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