Wednesday 1 August 2012

If you like this blog then...

Maybe you'll appreciate, enjoy, relate or just find it interesting to see what other  bloggers are saying, thinking and experiencing.

KAD bloggers like me
Fellow Adoptees

Adoptive mothers

Birth mothers


©Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Fellow KAD bloggers

    If you think my blog has been interesting and relatable to follow then let me recommend some other just as intelligent bloggers to you.
    1. Korean War Baby
    2. Jane Jeong Trenka
    3. Mila
    4. Coloring out Lori Jane
    5. I am grown 

    Monday 9 July 2012

    Lost Daughters

    I am happy to tell you that I am proud and grateful that to start writing permanently over at Lost Daughters. As you may or may not know there already are several other female adoptees there. I will be the second or maybe third KAD but so far the first European adoptee.

    As a Korean adoptee, there are still issues , thoughts and questions which I think are unique for KADs and Swedish adoptees. Therefore my recently created blog is where you'll find me when I'm not writing anything at Lost Daughters.

    But I am convinced and certain that since I'm a woman and an adoptee, there are still things that I share with other adoptees and  especially female adoptees.

    ©Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Tuesday 3 July 2012

    Back again

    You may have noticed this blog has disappeared, re appeared  to only disappear again. Certain events from my birth family is the reason behind my indecisiveness (regarding this blog's future. But I think I finally have decided to just let this blog go (still keeping it around) because it was once how I felt and at some point I do still feel the same. Yet my life seems to have taken a completely different direction.

    Starting from today there will probably not be anymore updates here, if you still like to follow my life and my thoughts then I have already moved to another blog. You'll find me there from now on.http://jaesunsaysthis.wordpress.com/

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Monday 30 April 2012

    What Happens There

    Japan has apparently decided to defend themselves against the alleged missile from North Korea. They have apparently not changed their min and they may even be preparing to step up the ainty. People and international community now wants China to make a standpoint, hoping they can pressure North Korea not too launch the missile...

    And apparently there has been UFO sighting in South Korea some days ago... The North Korean leader very recently accused South Korea's president to be nothing but a rat because of remark about North Korea's leadership... So now it seems that North Korea wants blood!!! Havn't we heard that song before...

    Katherine Heigl has done it again, adopted a second child that is. Could be Korean, could an infant, baby or a toddler.

    I'm slowly beginning to complete my blog move and it's going to be back to wordpress for me. But I'll keep this blog up and running just as it is for the time being. I would prefer to have one or maybe only two blogs instead of several. So I have collected old entries from my other blog at the new blog and if I some day decide to return here I could easilly add old material to this one.

    Starting from tomorrow I'll be blogging on wordpress (in a completely different blog and alias.) An here it is: jaesunsaysthis :).

    인녕히계세요!

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:

    Sunday 29 April 2012

    Can You Relate

    Since I've been fortunate enough to find, reunite and visit my first family twice I start to realize many things about me, my mum and dad, my first family and Korea. First of all adoption messes things up for everyone involved weither they like it or not.

    I'm not trying to blame anyone, it's a fact.

    I feel a closer connection, eagerness or interest or whatever you want to call it towards my birth siblings (in comparison to my first parents.) Why is that ?

    It's very simple and quite logical, my first parents never raised me so; both me and them lost something. My bond to my Swedish parents are stronger than the bond I have to my first parents.

    But my siblings they may not feel the same because although I come with best of intentions to them I'm the younger sister, someone who they never saw or got to know naturally by being raised in the same household. I do think they are proud to have a relative living far away but to them I'm nothing but a stranger that they slowly get to know. I know I'm more eager to get to know them than what I assume that they must be simply because of two or maybe three things. We have different lives and ways of living, secondly I assume they have enough with each other. Lastly I have to accept that what I hope I'd achive one day might never become a realization. I might come close but it will probably never become what I imagined or dream of.

    As for my first parents I assume they feel a stronger bond towards me than what I do feel I have for them. Both of my parents knew about me before my arrival (birth) and although I'm not a parent I guess it's only natural that parents always feel a need or desire to stay close or in contact with their children because they are their flesh and blood. (Of course there may be many cases where this might not be true I'm aware of it but I don't intend to digg any deeper into that aspect).

    To me; unfortunately my birth parents do feel like strangers just like I imagine that my siblings must feel for me. That's a given fact and maybe I have to realize those things before I completely can move forward in my reunion saga and more to the point with my life.

    To summerize I know I'm forunate to have found my first family and I'm ever so grateful for everything that we shared so far. Excluding all the drama, tears, misunderstandings and cultural clashes because of language barriers and different cultural values.

    That's why I say that adoption messes things up, you know that tale about the boy who loved a girl who loved a boy who loved a girl it's sort of how to best describ the mess that adoption creates for the first family, the adoptee and adoptive parents.

    Maybe you now can understand why I personally never would choose to adopt a child myself, and it has nothing to do with my ability love someone else's child. I know I would eventually become attached to that person. That said, I realize that there are people that are willing, able and capable to become parents through adoption. And I'm not trying to point fingers, play the blame game, accuse or name call anyone who are an adoptive parent or in the process of adopting.

    It's not a question of love or making a choice between one of the two. My heart is big and I do love each of them dearly, yet I'm avare of the difference butween us and our lives. But I will always have a special place in my heart that are saved for my first family.

    All I ask for if anyone is listening is that adoptive parents try to take these things into consideration and mentally prepare themselves for what might be coming their way if they decide to choose adoption. 


    But no adoption is the same, because you deal with people not objects and people have feelings objects don't.

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:


    Without Them

    It Makes Sense

    Birth Families & Reunion 

    Need Nobody

    Saturday 28 April 2012

    A Nightmare

    Before you start reading this particular post I'd like to point out that it describes a dream I had one night. Which happened to be nightmare, so it didn't actually happen.

    I did have a nightmore about my first family a while ago, it centered around my siblings and my beloved younger brother. It seemed as if my older sisters might have been jelaous if not sad that their brother were treated differently than they were... I remember I saw that at least one of my sisters were crying due to this... They were all sad, I couldn't see my brother or my first parents anywhere though...

    And about that, I've only seen my sisters cry once and that were over one year ago...

    I can't turn back time, to a time before my birth, if I did my life might be different but who could really say.. ? Then I wouldn't have my mum and dad and probably wouldn't even be the same person. Perhaps one or several of my natural siblings wouldn't have been born... Maybe that's more what you could call a real nightmare... But that will never happen because it's in the past, the cards has already been laid and what's in the past can't be undone. 

    The new leader of the World Bank is another American, but also Korean. Jim Yong Kim is his name, and I don't think you could call that a nightmare... would you.

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:


    Selfish Phase

    Draw The Line

    Sour Grapes

    Friday 27 April 2012

    Swedish Morals

    The Swedish morals has changed dramatically since the Jante Law was introduced. Maybe it's because people are either scared or lazy but most people hesistate or ignore a person in need. And instead of Jante Law, it seems people are more concerned about their own business and simply can't be bothered to care about anyone else.

    Also, most Swedish schools still have industrialized produesed food, because we have no poverty or we do but our social security is handled by the state and most people get housing and money that way. Swedes have never experienced war or independence, most of ous don't know what it means to live under constant fear of war and death.

    When people get bored they destroy things !!! Mostly youngsters and teens, some schools tried to to have their own gardens but not surprisingly they were destroyed.

    Swedish employees and companies hires women and men yet women mostly get lower slaries compared to men. Swedish men are expected to help out with raising children and even to take parental leave, it's even reqired that father's stays home for a minimum of days out of the parental leave or else the parental leave might be cut.

    Unmarried women can have children without being discriminated by their families or society, and it's common that people enters common law marriage and have children and never marry. And low and behold, a few months ago an older woman reported that she'd won on scratch ticket and had to go on television to sracth new tickets to determine her prize. The thing is she said she didn't want to and sent her daughter instead. But the daughter never said she represented her mother. Then her mother got angry and suved her daughter because felt entitled to the money. It got to court and they were advised to settle on a compromise they decided to so but ever since they no longer speak with each other. How tragic and all because of greed. And the son/brother even had to testify about who it was that really bought the ticket.

    Next time you decide to go out driving don't forget to put on your best outfit, wear some makeup and look really smart. So that if you happen to drive over the speed limit than you might avoid a ticket if the trafic police happens to stop you they might ask you for a date ! It actually happened in politically correct Sweden... (obviously this is supposed to be sarcastic)

    And one more thing that's really Swedish but has little to do with moral is allergies. In Sweden there are many people who different allergies; not just the common food allergies and/or fur allergy. There's also allergies against perfumes, hay fever, electricity, skin allergies and the sun. And I'm not kidding you here.

    We have freedom of speach which makes it possible for me to blog and also voice my opinion without fearing being put in jail. Speaking of blogging I have recently begun the process of transfering my blog...

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle


    Related posts:


    What's It Like


    Have To Be

    Thursday 26 April 2012

    My Only Love

    My Only Love - Statler Brothers

    Please don't get the wrong idea about the message of this song, I love my first family tremendously. I think about them every day, sometimes even several times a day. The song might be chessy but how else can I express my devotion and love for my first family ..?

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:


    Lonely Life

    Do It

    Need No Other

    Wednesday 25 April 2012

    Sour Grapes

    If you thought my unemployment or luck of finding employment in Sweden would have made me realize that my dream of moving overseas suddenly seems unachivable. Then think again, it have not made me change me mind one bit, in fact it has only made me more determind then ever before. Secondly, it's not unachiveable - it's not like I dream of becoming an astronaut; traveling in space and time, or a race car driver not even a professional soccer player.

    I do know my limits and those three professions sounds very interesting but I know they're not for me.
    Right now I haven't been able to find employment so I guess you could say that i have no luck of the irish at the moment. Korea will always be there, my first family will always be there too and when I'm ready to move believe me; then I'm moving !

    Sometimes you have to eat some sour grapes , because life can't be fun and easy all the time then we wouldn't learn anything. But I feel like I have a death sentence on me or something similar, something I always have to live with and which makes me forced to accept that I can't live the life I want. But I refuse to accept my faith, the decisions that are still left for me to decide on I will take power over.

     ©Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:
    일요일

    First Person

    Sometimes

    Need Nobody Else

    Tuesday 24 April 2012

    Emmeline Pankhurst

    Emmeline Pankhurst is without a doubt a woman I admire a lot and I would like to meet her if I'd ever be given a chance. Either by time traveling , there's no such a thing of course or simply by whishing...

    She was the leader of the British suffragette movement and created female voting rights that would eventually be given to most European women. Although her parents wanted her to be contempt with getting married , having children and raising a family...

    In 1930 there were statue made of her placed in Victoria Tower Garden, London.

    I think that Pankhurst must be considered one of history's first real feminists.

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:


    Jeanne D'Arc


    Elizabeth I

    Christina

    Monday 23 April 2012

    Need No Other

    I Need No Other - Todd Agnew

    I don't need to find a mate to become happy, happiness is in your head. And too be honest I'm more than satsified with the people that I still have in my life. They represent my past and also my present, and they are equally inmportant too me. I have soo many siblings that I'm not sure if I honestly would like to take a chance of love "just because it's something everyone's supposed to do. Especially so if you're in your 20s and a female. But I don't see anything wrong in living life as an independent single woman, far from it in fact.

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:


    Like A Bird

    Nothing Else

    Born This Way

    Lonely Life

    Do It

    Sunday 22 April 2012

    Take A Chance On Me

    If you change your mind, I’m the first in line
    Honey I’m still free
    Take a chance on me
    If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
    If you’ve got no place to go, if you’re feeling down
    If you’re all alone when the pretty birds have flown
    Honey I’m still free
    Take a chance on me
    Gonna do my very best and it ain’t no lie
    If you put me to the test, if you let me try

    Take a chance on me
    (that’s all I ask of you honey)
    Take a chance on me

    We can go dancing, we can go walking, as long as we’re together
    Listen to some music, maybe just talking, get to know you better
    ’cos you know I’ve got
    So much that I wanna do, when I dream I’m alone with you
    It’s magic
    You want me to leave it there, afraid of a love affair
    But I think you know
    That I can’t let go

    If you change your mind, I’m the first in line
    Honey I’m still free
    Take a chance on me
    If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
    If you’ve got no place to go, if you’re feeling down
    If you’re all alone when the pretty birds have flown
    Honey I’m still free
    Take a chance on me
    Gonna do my very best and it ain’t no lie
    If you put me to the test, if you let me try

    Take a chance on me
    (come on, give me a break will you? )
    Take a chance on me

    Oh you can take your time baby, I’m in no hurry, know I’m gonna get you
    You don’t wanna hurt me, baby don’t worry, I ain’t gonna let you
    Let me tell you now
    My love is strong enough to last when things are rough
    It’s magic
    You say that I waste my time but I can’t get you off my mind
    No I can’t let go
    ’cos I love you so

    http://www.lyrics007.com/Abba%20Lyrics/Take%20A%20Chance%20On%20Me%20Lyrics.html

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:


    I Have A Dream

    SOS

    Dancing Queen

    Saturday 21 April 2012

    Where To Draw The Line

    Sometimes I ask myself, where to draw the line... fighting for justice can be hard. Let's say you'd like to make society aware of discrimination of some kind. Is it then fare to only listen to one group? Can justice really be achieved if we're supposed to listen to all that feel stigmatized or discriminated ?

    Take North Korea for example, with the new leader they have tried to launch a missile raket but failed to do so.

    And the Norwegian mass murderer have said that he idealizes countries like South Korea and Japan for their homogenious population and their culture.

    Personally, I still can't accept the view that adoptive parents have; that they say that it's better for orphans to be adopted than to according to them be raised in orphanages... Sometimes, I think it can be better, but not in all cases. Adoptees, young children never asked to be ripped up from their birth country, seperated from their  first families and relatives. And forced to learn a new language which in time might replace the naitve tongue...

    The Swedish government wants muncipalities to recieve refugees, and they of course asked the muncipality where I live as well. Only thing is that, our muncipality can't organize housing for their own inhabitants in the first place. So this time they unfortunately refused...

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:


    Sometimes

    Home Is Where

    Selfish Phase

    Friday 20 April 2012

    Birth Families, Reunions & Love

    My friends are in that period of life when they settle down and start a family, some even tie the knot. I want to find acceptance and love too, I worry a bit about my future. What's going to happened when my mum and dad are not around any longer... Of course I'd have my brother but we're total opposites of each other he's popular, funny and outgoing with a large social network.

    I really thought I'd like to find someone to love, but to be honest I don't I really don't. Honestly I don't want to, once I did go on a date with a much older guy, all the time I kept hearing alarm clocks in my head... I don't want to discuss that any further, let's just say that as for me I've learned that I sometimes need to do things I'd say I never do just to better understand why I don't want it.

    And please, I'm not against people falling in love, marrying or having children... Since my reunion with my Korean family I have felt a stronger responsibility of my search for happiness, although I can't explain it very well .. maybe I've become picker when it comes to choosing you friends and whom to love. Although you might not be able to control who you begin to fancy. I don't want to date and give people false hope when I know that it might be the last thing I want.

    To me my biggest nightmare is to engage in a relationship with someone out of pity either on my part or their part, and then I'd find myself trapped to somebody I deep down might noy even have considered dating. I just need to be more confident and express my opinions in the open and then let nobody try to talk me out of something because they think they might know better than me...

    I'd like to one day tell my umma and appa that I found someone to love, I just won't settle for the first guy that comes along because there might be somebody better somewhere else. In a way I think it would be much easier to put love on hold until I'm in a position to move to Korea, because I don't want to raise a family in Sweden when I have no intention of settling down. If I was to settle down I might have to sacrifice my dream and purpose of life of moving to Korea and my dream in life is not to find somebody to love, settle down and raise a family. At least not if it means I have to make such a big compromise...

    Today it's a month to my birthday and too be honest I'm not looking forward to it. Not at all in fact, but I'm putting on brave face and pretend everything is all right...

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:


    Reunion Reflectiom

    Friendships

    Thursday 19 April 2012

    It Makes Sense II

    I begun writing letters and sending pictures back and forth for some years, then everything suddenly stopped and it took a while for me to re-establish contact with my birth family. By then 10 years had almost passed and I had only been back in their lives for a couple of months when dad suggested that I'd ask if my birth family would like to meet me in person. I was lucky, they said yes and so I started planning my first reunion and first trip to Korea simultaneously.

    My reunion trip coincided with the Summer Olympics of 2010 and I was fortunate enough to witness the Korean soccer team meet other teams... They didn't win their last game, but that really didn't matter the experience was something else. I spent a couple of days with my older siblings and parts of the family before the entire family went on an outing to the countryside and we all wore matching T-shirts that weekened. We visited a Korean carnival and I went on the amusement rides despite the lack of safety nets. That was almost two years ago, in december of 2010 I begun planning for a second trip to Korea. 

    This time without my mum and dad, I thought it would be easier to establish a lasting and deeper connection with my first family without them but now I wouldn't have my safety net. I booked the tickets in december and I would leave for Korea around the beginning of July and I had initially planned to just stay a month, but I extended my trip last minute. And I can honestly say that I felt at home there, my soul became calm like I had found my inner peace.Now I still feel I'd like to move from Sweden back to Korea, to the land that ignored me... But when you think about it , really think about it it does make sense.

     I have finally found a piece of myself and my past and I am terrified I one day will lose conntact with them. Also 25 years have been stolen from us all, time neither of us can get back so now that I finally have them all back in my life I strive for and wants to pursue a new life in Korea with them more actively involved. Luckily for me my mum and dad in Sweden does support me, and they understand why I feel the way I do. It's not an insult to my Swedish parents, they are still very much a part of my life but I feel like this is my only shoot to try to make things right.

     Besides being adopted living in the Western World as a young Asian adoptee, especially in Sweden means you are subject to racisim and prejudices. The only place were I didn't experience that was in Korea the same place that once casted me aside.I am ready for deeper commitment to my first family, I could never ask them to come and visit me for obvious reasons. It makes more sense for me to come to them, instead of the opposite. Although I am dreeding what they'll say and how they'll react I feel like it's the next natural step in my personal reunion saga. My friends are starting to make their own families moving in with their partners and beginning to have children. But not me, either I am not ready to settle down or the urge to move to Korea is greater then anything else.

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Wednesday 18 April 2012

    Selfish Phase

    Some days ago I learned that my parents plans to sell their home ; my childhood home and also my only home, apart from dorm when I studied far away from home in University. I'm saddened by that fact.

    But I guess it had to happen some day, but in my mind I imagined that by that time my brother or I would be able to either by it or inherit it and then the other house would be left to either me or my brother. When my mother retires they plan to sell their home and move to our summer house instead.

    And yes the house has a hobby room, it's my mother's she does her handicrafts in there. Dad has the garage which really isn't a garage.

    I have never really liked the summer house that much, it's boring there nothing to do and it's in the middle of nowhere. Yet it is close to the sea and the family pets really enjoy spending time there.

    All good things have to come to an end at some point in time I guess. And well, I've been accused of being many things in my life; selfish, egocentric, narcisstic and you name it, the biggest trial in Norway's and maybe even the world started three days ago. People who think that I am just don't know me well enough, that's my weakness; I don't allow people to get too close too me.

    Maybe this is who I always will be or maybe it's just a selfish phase and nothing else or bigger than that.

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:


    Small Ranting

    First Person Plural

    Without Them

    Birth Culture

    Where Is Home

    Tuesday 17 April 2012

    Home Is Where The Heart Is

    Maybe I'm to blame for my own loneliness, but too be honest I prefer to be alone. I guess that makes me a lone wolf, I really hate being told what to do or doing things that someone wants me to do when I really don't. I go to movies on my own, and I exercise alone as well.

    I tell myself I'd like to fall in love and find a boyfriend, but I don't think I really want to. Love is such a delicate thing that needs constant care and commitment and I'm not just ready or more so willing to make such a big compromise in my life yet. That could be because adoption messed me up for years; I'm allright with shallow friendship but I have few if no close friends. Should that worry me, maybe it should but it doesn't.

    I was told  for years that I was given up for adoption because I was the wrong gender, I grew up feeling confussed because I wanted to find love yet I couldn't really trust a person of the opposite sex... Constantly thinking that they'd abandon me so it's better if I do the exit first. A part of me still thinks like that, but at least I've forgiven the people that I feel should be forgiven and accepted them just as they are.

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:


    Independency

    Sometimes

    A or B

    Birth Culture

    Monday 16 April 2012

    Bull Fighting

    소쌈


    Korean bull fighting has two bulls fighting each other; head to head. They both tries to push the other one back and the loser is the first bull who move backwards. It is very common and popular to place bets on different bulls.

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:


    Martial Arts

    Kite Flying

    Wrestling

    Sunday 15 April 2012

    Birth Culture


    My birth culture is very important to me because my Korean family lives there. They also speak another language and have completely different values, morals and social codes. But still Korea will never fade inside my heart. It doesn't matter if I live in Sweden, reside in Korea, are on holiday in America or on a short stop to Europe. Korea will always always, have a place in my heart and be a port of me. One way or the other.

    ©Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:


    Excerpt


    Infertility

    Childrens Needs

    Saturday 14 April 2012

    Does It Have To Be

    한구사람도 웨덴 사람는 있어요.

     I didn't have a crappy childhood, not really. My mum and dad spoiled me rotten to be honest. I will not forsake them just because I have found my first parents. Yet my first parents have a big part of my life maybe bigger then they realize. But that's allright.

    I have siblings that I visited and met, but now I'd like to take the next step. Moving to Korea in order to become a real part of the family. That doesn't mean I cast away my time in Sweden, by no means.

    I don't want to neccessarily stop adoption from Korea, but I wouldn't  choose adoption myself.

    I don't have to explain my decision or defend it not even apologize for it. If you have followed my blog , then you'll already know my standpoint. And please, if you choose to adopt then by all means do I respect your decision and I hope people could accept my personal opinion to ot do so. Not everyone wants to become parents not even by biology.

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:
    Reconnecting

    What's It Like



    Friday 13 April 2012

    Rescilience


    These days the awareness of Korean adoptees and Korean adoption is increasing, yet this is one of the first movies made (as far as I know).

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:


    Thursday 12 April 2012

    Without Them

    On my first reunion my meeting with Umma was more then a little emotional, it was extremly emotional.. to tell you the truth. My Korean mother was finally able to meet her little babygirl, only thing is that since 24 years had past. But at that meeting it really at is if I was more of a child then an adult.

    My next trip wasn't quite like that, my parents asked a lot about my scars on my arms, like they did the first time the year before. It isn't scars from self inflicted pain or supposed abuse from parents. Maybe it's a sort of self inflicted pain since I baldy decided on the cat with most energy. And yes, he bites and scratches me. Both umma, aand my unnis said that I shouldn't keep a cat like that and instead get a dog because they're nicer. It's not that easy for me to that, since i have special bond with my cat who literarily saved my life in theory.

    Anyways, enough about that what I wanted to talk about was my experiences from my first and second reunion. At the second reunion my parents and my sisters treated me more like an adult even though they havn't known me for as long as I have lived... But still I'm not a little child anymore, but in fact a young woman. If I return to Korea to spend time with my first family I do so as an adult and not as the infant baby who years ago left on a plane... with an escort... (due to pre Olympics of 1988)...

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:


    Jinhoo's Journey


    A Threat

    Wednesday 11 April 2012

    Sometimes

    Sometimes I really wish I could stop all the focus on Korea and the fact that I'm adopted. I just want to be me. I want people to see me for the person that I am, not because of something that I might have in common with other peopl who either are adopted , Koreans or adopted Koreans.

    I was raised in Sweden and I don't have any memories or recollections from my short (pathetic) life in Korea. That's the truth, that sad though I'm very stubborn and just as proud to be a Korean by ethnicity...

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Related posts:

    Tuesday 10 April 2012

    Korean Dishes

    I know that Korean cuisine is becoming more and more popular, and I thought it could be fun and useful to get to know the Hangul names for some of the most popular dishes and also some of my personal favorites ^^

    삼겹살 (Samgyeopsal). Grilled pork belly meat, very delicious. However, this dish is among the most expensive ones...

    볼고기 (Bulgogi). Marinated barbeque beef either chicken or beef.Number 23 out of 50 of the World's most delicous dishes.

    갈비 (Galbi) prounced kalbi. Similar to Bulgogi, except not grilled over fire. Ribs or meats, marinated in soy souce, garlic and sugar. Number 41 out of 50 most delicious dishes in the world.

    잡지 (Kim chee/gim chi). Fermented vegetables with different seasonings.

    갈비씸 (Kalbi) Local interpretation of Kalbi.

    씸닭(Dak galbi). Made from diced chicken that is stir fried, with chili pepper paste, cabbage, sweet potatoe, scallions and rice cakes. Popular Chuseok dish. Does not contain ribs from chicken. Very inexpensive dish.

    전복씸(Chinboksim) Snails marinated in soy souce and rice wine.

    두부선 (Doboseon) Steamed tofu with ground beef and vegetables.

    막창 (Maktang). Charcoal grilled pork.

    비빔밥 (Bibimbap) Mixed rice, with stemmed vegetables and egg, coocked in the plate and topped with chili pepper.

    라견 (Ramyeong) Korean instant noodles. Sold with seasoning and oil.


    설성탕 (Seollngtang) Stew made of broth from ox and brisket. With cellophane noodles, seasoned at the table. Very delicious.

    삼계탕(Samgjetang) Stew with Cornish gem hens stuffed with ginseng. Belived to cure illness and restore health. Very expensive dish. But delicious.


    퍼잔 (Pajeon). Stuffed pancake with seafood, vegetables and meat. Very nice.

    김밥 (Kimbap). Korean sushi dish, made from rice, rapped in seaweed paper, stuffed with cucumber, carrot , spinnich , fish or raddish.

    Sorry for the complete lack of pictures in this post... What's your favorite Korean dish ? And of course there's plenty more dishes in Korean cuisine, and I far from know them all...


    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Monday 9 April 2012

    What's It Like

    If I would be able to choose where I'd like to live I would choose Korea. That's more than just a fact a wish or whatever. And I have connections in Korea ; but not just my first family. People don't seem to realize that if you're adopted from the same country and in the same age you have many things in common and you might share other things. So yes, I know other KADS as well.

    Sometimes I still wonder how I can make my second parents realize that the person that they used to know doesn't live any longer... Or she does, I'm still around but by changing my personal name I changed a part of my identity but they refuse to see it that way. I don't know how I can make them realize how much I really changed...

    At this point in time I wonder what I need to do too get my message across, do I need to make the ultimate sacrifice just too make them realize that it's more than just fix idea or plain stupidity or stubborness... Would I have to renounce myself from them, cutting of all ties with them. Living my childhood, my teens, my ubringbing and all memories behind...

    I'm not sure anymore all I know is too things at this point in time. One; my adoption is starting to get the best out of me. Society dictates what they expect of you, and then you just can't be a person with one foot in Europe and the other overseas. You have too make a choice or not be as close to your first family as you might attempt to be or even like too be. To me that's sounds just backwards.

    Two: I don't like living in Sweden, not any longer. There are too much prejudices and presumptions around people who aren't ethnically Europeans or Swedes in particular. Basically, I think anywhere else is better than here. Sweden is way to bureaucratic these days, wanting to do everything by the book. And don't get me started on the rationalizations, they're everywhere!!! Instead of lowering the unemployment rate , it seems like companies and employees are more interested in maximizing their earnings and producations replacing man with machines.

    ©Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Sunday 8 April 2012

    Seoul Part V







    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle 

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    I'm A Threat

    I guess noboy would think twice about my future move to Korea, but you see I'm not just a European or Swedish gal. No fact, is I'm an adoptee from Korea... Why on earth would someone like even consider moving back to country that abadoned and basically disowned me, right ? I propaply could give a million of different answer to that one, but I suppose my heritage is stronger then my assimilation into the Swedish culture then anything else. And yes, I do think in numbers my first family outnumbers my Swedish family by far! That's nothing but the cold hard truth, and also you're accepted when you're a small child until 10 or so as I recall it one , especially an Asian adopted girl reaches puberty it's not longer clear for society that you're an adoptee, you could be just one of those other Asian girls...

    And generally an unformed or uneducated Swede naturally seems to assume that most Asian ladies in Sweden are Thai women and well, you all know what that means... Nowadays, Sweden have more immigrants from outside Europe to and as in most parts of Europe the immigration laws have been scrutinized and then made stricter.

    They say Korea is a homogen society, which used to be true but it's getting more common for Koreans to marry outiside their own ethnicity, to study abroad, learn English and much more. Even if I was prepared for the culture shock it felt way better to walk around at night in Seoul compared to a night out in Sweden. Could be because Korea always will be my birth country, or it could be that Korea is way safer than Sweden. Or maybe it has something to do with my first family, but even so I don't think society never intended for or was prepared for adoptees wanting to return to a country that previously disowned them.

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Saturday 7 April 2012

    Roly Poly

    Roly Poly - T-ara 

    Happy Easter everyone, here's another K - pop video to celebrate the holiday.^^

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Friday 6 April 2012

    Independency Is Good People



     I sometimes have a hard time accepting help from what I consider total strangers, too me asking for help means to be helpless which I consider a sign of weakness... Furthermore I don't like to be given unwanted advice from anyone, not even if it is your job.

    Independency is always good, at least that's what I think. And remember I'm Korean so I'm really stubborn...  You don't want to mess with me or make me angry.

    If you want something done it yourself!

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Thursday 5 April 2012

    Jinoo's Journey


    This most be seen as a remarkable and beautiful story with an all to real yet disappointing ending about a Korean adoptee's search for their roots... 


    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Tuesday 3 April 2012

    African And American Writers

    J.M Coetzee, 2003, Disgrace about South Africa, apartheid, and taking charge of your own life.

    Nadine Gordimer, 1991, The Lying Days, about race,love , politics, power relations, choices, moral, ordinary people. Semi - autobiography.


    Naguib Mahfouz, 1988, The Day The Leader Was Killed,playwriter, poet, author. Writes about love not politics.
    Wole Soyinka, 1986, The Lion And The Jewel, playwriter, poet and author.Influenced by segregation and and apartheid. 

    Out of these fout authors my favorie authors are ; Nadine Gordimer and Naguib Mahfouz.

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Monday 2 April 2012

    Christina, Queen of Sweden

    Christina, was the daughter of the Swedish King Gustavus Adolphus or Gustav II Adolph of Sweden and his wife Queen Maria Eleonora of Brandenburg. She was to become the only surviving child out of at least four children born and later she succeded her father on the throne and become queen of Sweden.

    What's so remarkable is that she never married and yet managed to rule her kingdom and her people  until 1952 when she willingly choose to abdicate her throne to become a devoted Catholic and thus moved to Italy where she later died in 1689.

    I think it's interesting with feamle leaders that has such a strong principles like Jeanne D'Arc and Elizabeth the I just as I think highly of women in power positions that chooses to remain unmarried even if society and time demanded otherwise.

    Maybe this makes me an angry feminst...

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Sunday 1 April 2012

    Dancing Queen

    You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
    See that girl, watch that scence, dig in the dancing queen

    Friday nights and the lights are low
    Looking out for places to go
    Where they play the right music, getting in the swing
    You come in to look for a king
    Anybody could be that guy
    Night is young and the music's high
    With a bit of rock music, everything is fine
    You're in the mood for a dance
    And when you get the chance...

    You're the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
    Dancing queen feel the beat from the tambourine
    You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
    See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen

    You're a teaser you turn 'em on
    Leave them burning and then you're gone
    Looking out for another, anyone will do
    You're in a mood for a dance
    And when you get the chance...

    http://www.lyrics007.com/Abba%20Lyrics/Dancing%20Queen%20Lyrics.html


    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Saturday 31 March 2012

    First Person Plural


    This is amazing yet touching documentary about identity as a Korean adoptee. I could identify with much o what the main person says. It comes in several parts and this is the first...

    Personally, speaking if I could I would leave for Korea without blinking, you may think Sweden may be a paradise on earth and it is in some regards but depends on what you compare it with and also what it is that you're comparing. I've been unemployed for 2 years now, and I don't sit on my but doing nothing... Maybe it's wrong of me too expect that I'd actually be able to find some kind of job in Sweden. Maybe I should start looking elsewhere, maybe overseas... But then again the recession and unemployment may be a global thing especially in these days.

    I honestly don't see my name change as having contributed or influenced the fact I have've been unlucky to find work. Many people these are unemplyed, but I'm starting too loose faith in lot of things.. Maybe I'm becoming an adult, but does adolescence and growing up have to mean to loose hope ?

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    안녕하세요

    Small Rantings

    Friday 30 March 2012

    My Korean Vocabulary

    한녕하세요.
    서는
    한극사람도 스웨덴 사람어요.
     일곱명 사매들세요.
    두명 남동생있어요.
    여섯명 언니가들이세요..
    스물다섯년있어요.
    하고생이 없어요.
    네명 보님들 있어요.
    두명아버지아 도 두병 어머님아 이세요.
    한마리 고영이있어요.

    and of course many other Korean words that can be used to make up sentences... But I still don't know enough Korean words as I would like to... 한극어않일아어 없어요.

    ©Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    일요삼월스무일

    Thursday 29 March 2012

    Didn't Know

    IU - Only I Didn't Know

    내 방 에두층 에앞 층계 있. 
    어제시한극어 험하어요.

    I had the oppertunity to once speak on the phone with dongseang and made me promise to learn Korean. I'm trying to, really I am but maybe they expect too much from me... or maybe I have to learn it because it's what's expected , and especially so if have found your Korean family and want to develop a deeper relationship... Yet I'm not sure. 


    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Wednesday 28 March 2012

    Korean Feminism

    Korea is a society where a lot of Koreans are devoted Christians (as in Catholicism) and a true Catholic doesn't have premarital sex or if they do they choose to marry it's usually because of unwanted pregnancy. Interestingly enough Korean teens these days say that they already have sexual experience.

    Divorced Korean women who wants to remarry are more likely to choose a bachelor rather then a divorcée.

    Korean women usually only work until their marriage then they're supposed too stay at home to take care of the household; raise their children and care for their husband.They may return to work once the children start school, and Korean families usually only have two children. They prefer one of each, a daughter and a son. That kind of life sounds pretty boring to me and I'm not likely to accept such a life so easily at least.

    South Korean women are apparently more picky when it comes to choosing a husband, they prefer their prospective husband to have a good job with a nice salary while North Korean defector women seems to marry someone disregarding their salary or work.

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Tuesday 27 March 2012

    Knock Out

    Knock Out - GD and Top

    내일시험아어요. 그리고 그래서 오일공부해요. 

    I just too think that it sometimes is a struggle to try to learn Korean, because I easily stop thinking that it's fun. I don't study Korean because it's fun, I study Korean because it's what's expected of me and if I don't do it my relationship with my Korean family might never improve... But I'm confident that I'll succeed this time around. 화이딩 ^^

    I don't enjoy watching Korean dramas any longer, I think it's fine to watch them in Korea... but here, no. But sometimes I still listen to Korean music.

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Monday 26 March 2012

    It Makes Sense

    Years ago I was relinquished for inter country adoption, I was only two days old. At the most;  not soon after, a couple in Sweden recieved information about a baby girl, that girl was me... they were asked if they would accept to become adoptive parents to that child. Naturally they agreed and it hadn't even gone two months until they recieved news about my arrival...

    It was summer time and my prospective parents were about to leave on a camping trip, because it was their summer holidays... Instead they didn't go on a camping trip as planned they had to rush and buy all necessary things to prepare for my arrival.

    My new parents raised me as if I was there own, I had nothing to complain about I know I was even spoiled especially as a young child... Maybe I still am at times... But even so my childhood was not easy, my teens was even worse . I never doubted for a second that my mum and dad loved me unconditionally, instead I doubted why my biological parents gave me up so easily.

    I begun to think and talk about my first family when I was twelve and at mere 15 I decided it was time for me to try to relocate my birth parents and my older siblings, society however didn't understand but it didn't matter because my mum and dad supported me. At times they even seemed more anxious than I... I did recieve news that my mother and father still were alive and not only that they had been blessed with the longed for son. That news hurt quite a lot too be honest, this created an unexplained anger that I think I better can understand now...

    I think it makes sense, 네, 아니요 ? I'm not saying that I'm angry at my Korean parents and not even my brother. Maybe I'm angry at the situation, not at any particular person...

    More to come soon...


    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    안녕하세요

    Sunday 25 March 2012

    일요일 삼월스무일

    I havn't heard from any one of my family members for a long time, but's all right. I know they are busy, three of them are married and they are all working. And they work 6 days a week not 5 like in Europe. Also the week starts on Sundays not Mondays.


    • 일요일 
    • 월요일
    • 화요일
    • 수요일
    • 묵요일
    • 금요일
    • 토요일


    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Saturday 24 March 2012

    Changes

    It's a bit tricky with the Internet, free access is a good thing yet there's the insecurity of not knowing who get access to your information... A few days ago I learned about two people who had had their identities stolen; one had been put as a membor off different business boards while the other had their personal things shared on a company website and ultimately her good reputation was hurt.

    Because my name is really unique I've decided to make another blog in my real name, my name could be rare and I may be the only one who has it.. in the entire world. And yeah, I did also get a new twitter account...

    There may also come changes to blog as well, I guess you never can be too careful... The off change that my Korean family finds this blog and reads it still pretty slim, although they do know more English than ordinary Koreans. But that's always pros and cons about everything and if I hadn't had this vare rare name I can say for sure that I probably would prefer being anonymous online.

    If you like the new address please send me an email at tasteofkimchi(at)gmail[dot]com ^^

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Friday 23 March 2012

    Children's Needs or Parents Needs


    Children's needs for parents should always be first priority over parents needs for children, or maybe adults needs for children to have parents...

    ©Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Thursday 22 March 2012

    Itaewon Freedom

    Itaewon Freedom - J.Y Park

    This song is really cool I think and it seems to be influenced by the 80s or something. And I've been to Itaewon many, many times. ^^

    홍대를 신촌 학고 명동 한데세.

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Wednesday 21 March 2012

    Small Rantings

    눈이요해요.
    홈없어요.
    겨울 었어요.

    I thought it ly don't had become spring by now, but guess not since it's been snowing since the weekend. So winter is back. I was thinking the other day that I really don't reflect over the fact that I'm not Swedish (my etnicity that is) , it's not like I ignore it or anything but I don't spend every minute of the day thinking about. Of course I know it, I see it and is reminded of it every time I look in the mirror, as well as every time I meet strangers , people I don't know, people that aren't familiar with me. I think it sort of is funny and sometimes annoying whenever I happen to meet an immigrant (someone who doesn't speak Swedish or hasn't been raised here).

    And most people that may just have meet me assume I'm a Japanese person not a Korean and not even a Swede. 일본 사람 없어요. 한국 사람도 스웨덴 사남. 입양아 사람.

    I wonder if there are anybody else that have encountered the same experience (maybe not on a daily basis or every day but more than once at least)....

    © Elle, Taste of Kimchi

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    Tuesday 20 March 2012

    Short Introduction

    I am a Korean adoptee, I was born with jaundice and treated in hospital and relinquished for adoption when I was only an infant. I spent a couple of months in an orphanage and was adopted to Sweden when I was 2,5 months old. I was raised with a younger (adoptive) brother , so we're not really really related. But if you ask my parents they can verify that we thought just as real siblings would and yes, I love him as he is my real brother. The place were I grew up was a Caucasian neighbourhood, so there weren't many other KADs or even adoptees around. It meant that I stock out a bit while growing up and I was occassionally teased.

    I decided to look for my first family at age 15, I was interested in finding my first parents and to know who I resembled if any. Yet I knew there would be a slight chance that my parents wouldn't be alive back then. But they were and I soon established contact with my siblings.

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Sunday 18 March 2012

    Ma Boy


    Ma Boy - Sistar19

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Saturday 17 March 2012

    Tears, Time And Thoughts

    When I first started this blog I had already familiarized myself with blogging, so it wasn't something completely new.And already back then I HAD established contact with my Korean family BUT I had yet to meet them face to face...

    My first year or so I was the steroetypical adoptee; angry,sad, and feeling betrayed. It's taken me a lot time and many, many tears and thoughts to come too the place where I am now. Metaphorically speaking that is, I used to have this friend another adoptee but not KAD and things started to go down hill once I decided I wanted met my birth family... I have done so twice now and while I discovered my goal in life, the same friend could no longer understand my thoughts, opinions or wishes.

    Now when I think about it I think I reminded this person of their own thoughts and whishes, if not directly maybe unconciously if anything else. My own thoughts about identity and adoption became difficult for this friend to listen to, and more importantly I found something that this friend might never find (if they don't decide to do something to look for information ) anyways we're no longer friends. Who needs a friend who turn their back on you when you need them the most ?

    I've realized that it's ok to feel love for my first family and the one I live with, it is even allright for me to have the goal of moving to Korea. It's doable - if there's a will there's way and there's definitely a will. What's so wrong about wanting to move Korea when other people move to Norway or settle down in Spain !?

    Why should my dream be considered as unreachable when in fact I do have every reason to because I have family there. Yes I call them family - we share the same flesh and blood so that makes us family. And also I feel like I've been robbed of things with my sisters especially and I would like to get to know them all better and the only way that would be a real possibility is if I would move to Korea. I'm lucky because my mum and dad totally support me in this goal they even say they UNDERSTAND and are willing to help me realize my dream.

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Friday 16 March 2012

    Himalaya Poems

    As I begun reading the Nobel Prize Literature I after a while discovered that I do in fact like to read poetry as well as writing my own poems. I don't do that as often as I used to though, but happens... I was positively surprised once I learned about Korean poet Ko Un.
    A Slower pace, a somewhat slower pace will do.Of a sudden should it start to rain, let yourself get soaked.An old friend the rain. One thing alone is beautiful; setting off.The world's to a waste, to live in a single place, or three or four.Walk on and on, until the sun sets, with your old accomplice, shadow, late as ever.If the day clouds over go on anyways, regardless.
      The Pilgrimage, Ko Un.

    There are stories. There are people telling stories and people listening to them. The room is full of the breath of the stories . That is enough. 
    Stories, Ko Un.

    I  really enjoy reading any kind of poetry but so far Stories and The Pilgrimage by Ko Un have become two of my favorites.

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Thursday 15 March 2012

    SOS

    Where are those happy days, they seem to hard to find
    I try to reach for you but you have closed your mind
    Whatever happened to our love ? I wish I understood
    It used to feel so nice, it used to be so good
    So when you're near, darling can't yoyu hear me SOS
    The love you gave me, nothing else can save me SOS

    When you're gone how can I even try to go on?
    When you're gone, well I try, how can I carry on ?
    You seem so far but you are standing near
    You make me feel alive but something died I fear
    I really tried to make it out I wish I understood

    http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/sos-lyrics-abba/5457bc980fc4f27648256bc6001f701b

    해피호이트데이^^

    안녕히계세요!

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Wednesday 14 March 2012

    안녕하세요!

    Being adopted from another country is complicated enough , but add the fact that you've managed to find and reunite with your first family might make people question you. It's true that I have family relation in Korea and a larger one at that, and it's also true that -I'd like to move there in the future like for real not just as a tourist or on holidays. No, I want the real thing.

    And I'm certain that my family shares that feeling of wanting to get to know me, because we're family and share the same parents by blood. But I would never take advantage of their love and hospitality. Once I did that for like a month, but to ask them to take me in for a longer period  is not something I'd do because even though I'm their younger sibling they have no legal responsibility to care for me for one and I'm an adult and have been one for many years now. I don't expect them to support me economically, I have my own mum and dad who I know will help me in times of need.

    But I love my mother, father older sisters and younger brother more than any words ever could say. But I guess this sort of relationship might not be so common, at least I've never heard of one... Maybe it's natural and not what the first adoptive parents imagined that life would become. Having two of everything is a blessing, but it doesn't seem to be that common among people in the real world. And it's complicated because you are family, but you might not speak the same lanuage or share the same costums and traditions and more importantly there are no legally binding ties that makes your first family responsible for you. But even so this relationship is just as important and real as my other ones.

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

    Tuesday 13 March 2012

    Banana

    Banana - G.NA

    This song seems to be more of a commerical for food rather then a pop song but maybe I'm wrong..

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Monday 12 March 2012

    Female Nobel Writers

    Selma Lagerlof , Gösta Berlings Saga, 1909. It's a story about the deposed minister Gösta Berling who is offered refugee at Ekeby and saved by the mistress of Ekeby.

    Grazia Deledda, 1926, writes about life on her childhood's island.

    Sigrid Undset, 1928, mostly known for her novel about the Heroine Kristine Lavransdottir, who lived during the Middle Ages in Norway.

    Pearl Buck, 1938,  author of The Good Earth is a story about family life in a Chinese family prior to the WW2. It revolves around the Chinese man called Wang Lung.

    Gabriela Mistral, 1945, Los Sonetas de La Muerta, writes poetry in Spanish. Supposedly the most gifted poet in whole of South America.

    Nelly Sachs, German Jewish poet aworded the Prize in 1966 for her poetry.

    Nadine Gordimer, South African writer, influenced by Apartheid in her writings, aworded the Prize in 1991.

    Toni Morrison, 1993,African American writer, writes about African American peoples lives. Mostly known for her book Bluest Eye.

    Wislawa Symborska,1996, Polish poet. Szukum slowa.

    Elfriede Jelinek, 2004, Austrian writer who is influenced by Feminism in her writings one of her books is The Land Of The Green Plums.

    Doris Lessing, 2007, The Grass Is Singing, about racisism social stigmas, class society, power, marriage and female awakening.

    Herta Müller, 2009, Roman German writer influenced by her own life writes about German minorities lifes in Communism Rumania. Niederungen & Drückunder Tango, portrays life in the village during the German occupation.

    Out of all these female authors so far my favorites have been ; Pearl Buck, Gabriela Mistral, Elfriede Jelinek, Doris Lessing and Herta Müller.

    © Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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    Nobel Books