Please note that the opinions and examples mentioned in this post doesn't represent all adoptive parents in general.
I know I did upset my birth family when mentioning the past, I wasn't aware of the circumstances of my adoption before my reunion. A big fondation and general belief in the Korean culture is to not think about the past since you can't change it but instead be pleased with you got right now and look forward to the future...
For me personally this has been very hard, especially when you consider the fact that my adoptive parents always used to imply and mention that I should be grateful that I was able to live a better and more enriching life in Sweden with parents who loved me unconditionally. If it really is neccessary to label my relationship to my mum and dad then I would prefer appreciation instead of gratitude. For obvious reasons which I will explain later...
I'm not really sure if adoptive parents usually is this contradictful like mine unfortunatly are; had I been there real daughter by birth I know that there never would have been any discussions about gratitude and they never would have even as much as one thought about them having saved me. Because of the fact that my parents constantly reminded me of this and also never let me forget it; I started to behave like they expected which ultimately hurt my birth family...
I'm sorry mum, I know you love me, you say that you do and I believe you, but I'm not convinced that you love me unconditionally.. because if you honestly did love me unconditionally you never would have nagged about my supposed gratefulness towards you and dad and I do also believe that you never would have considered you and dad as my rescuers. But of course I can't be sure...
I don't doubt that you love me, I just don't like the argument of you being my rescuers implying that I have an everlasting debt to you. Neither do I like the thing about me being forced into behave and think that I should be grateful because my life would have been much worse...
I know I at one point in my teens even told my mum that I might have been forced to marry at a very early age...
Now when I think back at it , the knowledge of my birth family and the general atitude among Swedish adoptive parents now has made me feel very bad for my birth family... To me it sometimes was as if you didn't really accept me as your real daughter and yet you seemed to have forgotten the fact that my ethnicity isn't Swedish like yours... Thinking of this now makes me feel really hurt and as... But I know you both tried your best to make me one of your children, maybe I was considered as an attention seeking child or a child who only created problems...
I think this might be due because of my knowledge of my birth family, which might have made it a greater challenge for me to adjust and accept my new living environment. My brother on the other hand didn't have this issues at least not as far as I know... He didn't and still don't know anything about his birth mother so maybe it was easier for him to accept the situation. I'm not sure. I was relinqused at a little over 2 months and was adopted to Sweden a month later or so. I don't have any memories or feelings of my birth parents or family but just knowing of them might have made me feel very conflicted...
And yes, I do honestly love my mum and dad but there are many things that I can't seem to accept...
♥쳐음은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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My mom is the same way with me. At a very young age, I knew what was going on and asked if we could visit Korea to find my birth mother and every time I bring it up, she cries and puts me through a guilt trip. When I have money of my own, I plan on traveling back there. You just have to try and explain to your parents your side of the story, how you see things, you know? I always feel like the black sheep in my family. I never like going to family events or talking to them because I get criticized for the smallest things. I hope you and your parents can find some common ground though.
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