Let It Be

Let Me Be
The Me
I Was
Meant to Be
The Person That
I Once
Was Supposed
To Be

Is it not ironic that I have a yearning and a life long dream to resettle in Korea, try my wings and search for happiness and luck -while one of my sisters did exactly the opposite. She did not marry a Korean man, nor did she settled in Korea she built a future overseas.

The culture that I long to know better and love tremendously she choose to reject and cast aside.  For reasons I am not sure off she decided to marry a foreign man. She knows the culture that we both are proucts of she knows what she dislikes about. Whereas I cannot reject or dislike anything Korean it is a part of me. If I reject it, I ignore a part of me.

I cannot change what happened or undo my adoption . I cannot disolve my adoption (it's supposedly not possible). Whould I even want to..? One part of me wants to do it, and another part doesnt' think its worth it. That would cause more pain for one or both of my families plus it was almost 29 years ago I was relinguished for adoption.

Plus I don't even know for sure if my birth ceritificate is real (social study).

The In-Between

Being in reunion with your birth family is something that I always dreamed of, longed for, desired and hoped for. Now when I finally are - sort of, I am ever so frustrated. Why you may ask ? I am frustrated because of how society looks upon people like myself, yes I am an adult adoptee - I didn't emigrate on my own, it wasn't my decision - to be separated from my birth parents or to be forced to live with strangers for the rest of my life. I never wanted to learn another language, to be raised in another culture.

Now that I am, I feel like my dear mum and dad are so afraid and scared to death of losing me, losing me to my original family the one that should have raised me. But I also know they love me yet I sometimes get so extremely irritated and annoyed at them... Society doesn't welcome or encourage people like me - I know that. Well, they do but only to a certain point.

Wanting to relocate, moving back, changing your citizenship all of those things are throwned upon.
I now don't know where I fit in, I don't feel Swedish yet I know I am, I find it hard to relate to my birth parents and siblings even though I just want to whisper that I love them. Because I think like this, I feel like I'm almost not welcome any longer in my own native country - to be frank it's the only culture and country that I know. It's almost like they don't want to recognize me or acknowledge me any longer.

All because of a very logical wish to reconnect and find my birth family.

From This Moment On...

I am sorry I havn't updated this blog as frequently like I did in the past, I feel like I want this blog to be more serious with entries of importance somehow, one way or another. Whereas my other blog -still secret is my personal blog about my life , opinions, thoughts and interests.

From this moment on I hope you will agree to continue following my journey as a young , female adoptee who is on a quest to find a place to call home, and looking for someone to love her and to love someone back. 

This blog may not be as Korea focused any longer, from this moment on I promise you to...