No facebook
No Skype
No miniroom
No cyworld
No cell phone number
Do I even exist... ?
Should I be worried that the Korean course might be cancelled after all since you apparently can apply to take it as a late comer. I should have trusted my gut feeling and picked the Master Program in Asian studies instead of what I'm currently studying. That is only 120 credits while my current education is 160 credits, but maybe it isn't too late I guess I still could choose that Master Program in Asian studies should I wish too after I've successfully completed one year of studies in the Korean language.
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Change Of Plans
Tuesday, 30 November 2010
Monday, 29 November 2010
Wasting Time
I know I should try to work on my thesis by now but I can't instead it seems I'm only wasting time.
Time I could have put on my thesis I now use for knitting,reading and art.
Quite convinient if it wasn't for the fact that I feel really stressed.
I'd like to finish my thesis before 2015 or at least before I'm thirty....
Seriously would it be too much too ask!?
I am counting the days until I leave this goodforsaken place forever and even though you might think that I will be presenting thesis in the same University it seems it might not be so... I know that if I decide to dl my thesis at another University I will for sure lose my place at my program and honestly speaking that is not such an awful thing! As long as I get a University degree from somewhere I don't really care where it comes from. I am really not willing to write my thesis at my current University with my supposed tutor or another one. I don't want them to get credit for me thesis or more importantly money for my education and thesis. Period.
I have found Korean songs on spotify so yes I'm now a subscriber of¨it, but I did sign up for spotify without knowing if there were any Korean songs at spotify at all. I should have made someone look for them before signing up, silly I know.
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Mission Impossible
Advice
Time I could have put on my thesis I now use for knitting,reading and art.
Quite convinient if it wasn't for the fact that I feel really stressed.
I'd like to finish my thesis before 2015 or at least before I'm thirty....
Seriously would it be too much too ask!?
I am counting the days until I leave this goodforsaken place forever and even though you might think that I will be presenting thesis in the same University it seems it might not be so... I know that if I decide to dl my thesis at another University I will for sure lose my place at my program and honestly speaking that is not such an awful thing! As long as I get a University degree from somewhere I don't really care where it comes from. I am really not willing to write my thesis at my current University with my supposed tutor or another one. I don't want them to get credit for me thesis or more importantly money for my education and thesis. Period.
I have found Korean songs on spotify so yes I'm now a subscriber of¨it, but I did sign up for spotify without knowing if there were any Korean songs at spotify at all. I should have made someone look for them before signing up, silly I know.
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Mission Impossible
Advice
Sunday, 28 November 2010
Father's Day And Parent Day
In Sweden we have two separate holidays for our parents: dad in November and mum in May. Koreans are clever they have one shared holiday for both mum and dad in May. I also think Parent Day takes place on the same day as the Children's Day and Youth Day (not sure if the last one exists)...
Today we celebrate First Advent in Sweden and I have put up a new electric candle in my window and also bouth edamer chesee which you only can find in Sweden during the Christmas season. It was really, really cold today when I went into town and all the shops is preparing for Christmas by putting out Christmas decorations...
I'm afraid I will forget how to use chopsticks not that I think I use them correctly but still... So today I decided to practice which wasn't really hard but I stilll can't eat cake with chopsticks. Oh, yeah I've ordered the literature for my Korean course already and I also found a book about Korean slang believe it or not. How am I supposed to write Korean on my computer ? Is it even possible ? If I use a dictonary I can write real hangul in suspected incorrect Korean grammar, my dictionary is an English Korean one. I used to own three but I left two behind in Korea with someone who will have much more use of it than I.
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Kim Kyong Hui
Cinnemon Bun Day
Christmas Spirit
Today we celebrate First Advent in Sweden and I have put up a new electric candle in my window and also bouth edamer chesee which you only can find in Sweden during the Christmas season. It was really, really cold today when I went into town and all the shops is preparing for Christmas by putting out Christmas decorations...
I'm afraid I will forget how to use chopsticks not that I think I use them correctly but still... So today I decided to practice which wasn't really hard but I stilll can't eat cake with chopsticks. Oh, yeah I've ordered the literature for my Korean course already and I also found a book about Korean slang believe it or not. How am I supposed to write Korean on my computer ? Is it even possible ? If I use a dictonary I can write real hangul in suspected incorrect Korean grammar, my dictionary is an English Korean one. I used to own three but I left two behind in Korea with someone who will have much more use of it than I.
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Kim Kyong Hui
Cinnemon Bun Day
Christmas Spirit
Saturday, 27 November 2010
Neverending Challenge
I will never be fully accepted as a Swede or a Korean no matter what I do.
I'm most likely to be accepted as a KAD in most parts of the world, but not everywhere.
When I learned that Korean adoptees would be able to apply for joint Korean citizenship it seemed like a nice oppertunity. But now I'm not sure I don't think I will since I never will be accepted as a fellow Korean in Korea no matter what official laws might say. I'm doomed to live in lonelines in constant limbo.
I'm not sure what I prefer someone who regards me as a foreigner for a change or someone who thinks of me as a Swede based on my behaviour...
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Identity Rambles
I'm most likely to be accepted as a KAD in most parts of the world, but not everywhere.
When I learned that Korean adoptees would be able to apply for joint Korean citizenship it seemed like a nice oppertunity. But now I'm not sure I don't think I will since I never will be accepted as a fellow Korean in Korea no matter what official laws might say. I'm doomed to live in lonelines in constant limbo.
I'm not sure what I prefer someone who regards me as a foreigner for a change or someone who thinks of me as a Swede based on my behaviour...
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Identity Rambles
Friday, 26 November 2010
Korean Nature
All of the above (pictures) was taken by me earlier this year.
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Open Market
Tourist Sights
Thursday, 25 November 2010
Koreans
I can't really say that I know my birth family, not really... Despite having known about them my entire life and having had contact with them since over 5 years. I have also meet them and spent time with them. I know who they are without knowing much about them as people with different personalities.
With this I conclude that Koreans are a very private people who keeps a lot of things in secrecy hidden from knowledge. Even though I was adopted through inter country adoption as an infant they could have given up children for adoption before me. If there are someone with similar records or the same birth parents I would never know that. I will never know if I have older birth siblings that also has been adopted. They have family secrets that you don't discuss or acknowledge whatsoever. This is just pure facts not intended as anything else than that.
If there'a strong determination even impossible things can become possible, if there's a will there's always a way...
But in this case I do believe it would almost impossible because it seems similar to finding a needle in a haystack there's simply too many inter country adoptions and inclusive social studies, false records and much else...
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
What If
Secrets
Accuracy
Maybe
Questions
With this I conclude that Koreans are a very private people who keeps a lot of things in secrecy hidden from knowledge. Even though I was adopted through inter country adoption as an infant they could have given up children for adoption before me. If there are someone with similar records or the same birth parents I would never know that. I will never know if I have older birth siblings that also has been adopted. They have family secrets that you don't discuss or acknowledge whatsoever. This is just pure facts not intended as anything else than that.
If there'a strong determination even impossible things can become possible, if there's a will there's always a way...
But in this case I do believe it would almost impossible because it seems similar to finding a needle in a haystack there's simply too many inter country adoptions and inclusive social studies, false records and much else...
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
What If
Secrets
Accuracy
Maybe
Questions
Wednesday, 24 November 2010
Shopping In Korea
One of the activites that I experienced while in Korea was shopping and it was nothing like shopping in Sweden, Europe or a Western country. First of all there was the smell from spicy food and then it was the fact that you could negotiate about the price and lastly that you were able to buy things you otherwise wouldn't be allowed to buy, just because you were a foreigner. It's almost impossible to shop in Korea unless you don't know Korean, but I suppose the language of money is a universal language.
Also things that used to say made in Korea now say made in China, Taiwan or the Philippines. Oh, yeah winter is back it is heavy snow outside the landscape is all white.
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
First Days
Day 1
Also things that used to say made in Korea now say made in China, Taiwan or the Philippines. Oh, yeah winter is back it is heavy snow outside the landscape is all white.
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
First Days
Day 1
Tuesday, 23 November 2010
Uncertainties
Who can really understand me? What's my destiny? Am I supposed to walk along a lonely road or find comfort in another human being... It seems to me that not many people understands me, so am I destined to find love in another adoptee, KAD or maybe even Korean...
Not that it really matters,nobody cares but I don't know any male KADs in my age so you can all relax.
How can I know for sure that my birth parents hadn't become parents to more children than I and my birth siblings? Can I really know for sure that they only gave me up for adoption... What if they did give up one of my suppposedly older brothers or sisters for adoption? What if I would be related to a fellow KAD without knowing ... And then what if I was to fall in love and maybe even marry and start a family... How am I spposed to know...
The likelihood of this isn't very likely but there is still a chance that it could happen.... Should I then request a DNA-test in case this were to happen? I could have an older brother or sister in the US, France, Netherlands, Germany, Australia, Norway, Denmark or maybe even Korea...
Too live with these big questions and knowing that I never will know the answers I would require makes me question if it would be worth to risk all that I already know just to accidentally fall in love first of all. With this many uncertainties there isn't many people that I really trust. And how then am I supposed to risk it all on one person... Love is not a loyal feeling, it can change. To put my life and happiness in someone else's hands seems too be too uncertain.
I almost forgot, just too add salt too more injury I don't know my real birthday but I do have one official birthday.
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
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Shame
It Means
Appreciation
Not that it really matters,nobody cares but I don't know any male KADs in my age so you can all relax.
How can I know for sure that my birth parents hadn't become parents to more children than I and my birth siblings? Can I really know for sure that they only gave me up for adoption... What if they did give up one of my suppposedly older brothers or sisters for adoption? What if I would be related to a fellow KAD without knowing ... And then what if I was to fall in love and maybe even marry and start a family... How am I spposed to know...
The likelihood of this isn't very likely but there is still a chance that it could happen.... Should I then request a DNA-test in case this were to happen? I could have an older brother or sister in the US, France, Netherlands, Germany, Australia, Norway, Denmark or maybe even Korea...
Too live with these big questions and knowing that I never will know the answers I would require makes me question if it would be worth to risk all that I already know just to accidentally fall in love first of all. With this many uncertainties there isn't many people that I really trust. And how then am I supposed to risk it all on one person... Love is not a loyal feeling, it can change. To put my life and happiness in someone else's hands seems too be too uncertain.
I almost forgot, just too add salt too more injury I don't know my real birthday but I do have one official birthday.
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Questions
Shame
It Means
Appreciation
Monday, 22 November 2010
Big Maybe
If I Iook at tendencies in my birth family...
There's a possibility that I would have even more older birth siblings.
Maybe one more brother or one more older sister.
Oh brother where arthough
My older siblings would be anywhere from 39, 38,37, 35,34,32,31, 29,28 and 26
The possibility of me having more older siblings that I don't know about is very likely...
The possibilty of me having younger siblings seems to be outruled...
My parents could have had more children than those I know about ....
They could have given up more children for adoption not just me....
My mum and dad could have had given birth to stillborn children, sick or weak children and experienced miscarriges. Of that I will never be certain...But honestly who let's their children know if they've experienced a miscarrige or two...
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Secrets
Accuracy
Resemblance
My Life
There's a possibility that I would have even more older birth siblings.
Maybe one more brother or one more older sister.
Oh brother where arthough
My older siblings would be anywhere from 39, 38,37, 35,34,32,31, 29,28 and 26
The possibility of me having more older siblings that I don't know about is very likely...
The possibilty of me having younger siblings seems to be outruled...
My parents could have had more children than those I know about ....
They could have given up more children for adoption not just me....
My mum and dad could have had given birth to stillborn children, sick or weak children and experienced miscarriges. Of that I will never be certain...But honestly who let's their children know if they've experienced a miscarrige or two...
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Secrets
Accuracy
Resemblance
My Life
Sunday, 21 November 2010
I Will Never
I will probably never fall in love....
I will never ever get married
I will almost certainly not have children...
♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Shame
Never Happy
Little Or No Background
Personal Experience
I will never ever get married
I will almost certainly not have children...
♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Shame
Never Happy
Little Or No Background
Personal Experience
Saturday, 20 November 2010
Important Advice
Are you interested in University studies in Sweden?
So was I once and now I will tell you about 3 of the four available choices that I strongly advice that you choose because you don't want to be in my position... Trust me on this even if you don't should trust a stranger just based on my word.
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
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Ordinary Day
Crap
So was I once and now I will tell you about 3 of the four available choices that I strongly advice that you choose because you don't want to be in my position... Trust me on this even if you don't should trust a stranger just based on my word.
- The University in Gotenborg
- Stockholm's University
- The University in Uppsala
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Change Of Plans
Ordinary Day
Crap
Identity Rambles
I'm Korean. Not Korean Swedish. More Swedish than Korean. Not really Korean and not really a Swede. More of an immigrant but also more close to a Swede. I'm also Korean without being Korean. In Korea I'm a Swede more than a Korean. In Sweden I'm neither a Swede or a Korean. An immigrant with knowledge only of Sweden. So what does that make me?
Immigrant I'll say although some would say I'm Swedish.
Everyone that's born in a foreign country is considered to be immigrants as well as their children.
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Facts
I'm naive
Thoughts
Immigrant I'll say although some would say I'm Swedish.
Everyone that's born in a foreign country is considered to be immigrants as well as their children.
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Facts
I'm naive
Thoughts
Friday, 19 November 2010
Unanswered Questions
Even though I do know more about events leading to my adoption, I far from know the entire story.
I only have small fragments and there are many more unanswered questions than what it is in terms of answers and explanations. Usually I'm not a person that easilly accepts that , getting no answers but in this case it seems like I have to make do with what I got. And I´m pretty happy with the knowledge of having two families which might not seem like that common but is exactly how I see it. But than again I've always known about my other family, my first family which would my Korean birth family.
♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Things I Know
I only have small fragments and there are many more unanswered questions than what it is in terms of answers and explanations. Usually I'm not a person that easilly accepts that , getting no answers but in this case it seems like I have to make do with what I got. And I´m pretty happy with the knowledge of having two families which might not seem like that common but is exactly how I see it. But than again I've always known about my other family, my first family which would my Korean birth family.
♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Things I Know
Thursday, 18 November 2010
Mission Impossible
Since I will be moving back home and changing universities I am trying to find a way to write my thesis closer to home. Turns out it seems like an impossible task.
♥ 챠금은안녕.Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Accuracy
Things I Shouldn't
♥ 챠금은안녕.Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Accuracy
Things I Shouldn't
My Companion
My most loyal companion that never betrayes me is someone who is always there. I can't seem to make it go away. Sometimes I almost forget, almost which means it is still there... It is now such a big part of me I sometimes forget that it isn't a part of me as a person. Its name is anexity... Maybe now you get the picture...
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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Recooperation
Story Of My Life
Nothing To Envy
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Synonyms
Recooperation
Story Of My Life
Nothing To Envy
Wednesday, 17 November 2010
G20 : Seoul
The G20 meeting in Seoul would probably mean that there would be no inter country adoptions from Korea during this time... Not that I can be sure.
The aim of the meeting was for the attendants and delegates to possibly try to find a common ground for the international economy. (If I'm not totally mistaken).
Now it seems like a few states are objecting, and the US and China seems to be the ones with the strongest differing objectives. The outcome of the meeting might not end up meeting the hoped goal...
♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Nothing To Envy
Change
Shame On Me
Story Of My Life
The aim of the meeting was for the attendants and delegates to possibly try to find a common ground for the international economy. (If I'm not totally mistaken).
Now it seems like a few states are objecting, and the US and China seems to be the ones with the strongest differing objectives. The outcome of the meeting might not end up meeting the hoped goal...
♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Nothing To Envy
Change
Shame On Me
Story Of My Life
Tuesday, 16 November 2010
Things I Shouldn't Have Done
I shouldn't have applied for studies at this University, or at least not the program or subject I had to choose.
It's the University from hell, it's a nightmare. Well not really. But they're heavily understaffed. Need I say more? My thesis is in serious jeopardy, for real.
♥챠금은안녕.Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Story Of My Life
Weird Week
It's the University from hell, it's a nightmare. Well not really. But they're heavily understaffed. Need I say more? My thesis is in serious jeopardy, for real.
♥챠금은안녕.Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Story Of My Life
Weird Week
Nothing To Envy
Written by Barbara Demick, I've already scanned through it and it's really interesting (at least too me). It's what I read apart from course literature and other study related things. I really can recoomend the bokk and now I also have another interest area; North Korea. So now I'm not only interested in South Korea and adoption but also North Korea.
Being an international adoptee is of course a constant struggle (for some) but I don't think any (Korean) adoptee has been spared from similar experiences... Yet I don't think you can compare growing up as KAD with a life and future in North Korea.... To me it seems like two bad things, period.
♥ 챠금은안녕.Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
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Kim Jung Un
Facts
I am an immigrant. I was not born in Sweden, my ethnicity is not Swedish.
I don't have blue eyes and blond hair, (not that all Swedes have that).
If I ever have children some day in the future, they will also be immigrants because of me.
The third generation will not be immigrants but considered ethnic Swedes, sort of or something.
If my supposed future children decided to have children with Swedes that is...
♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Thoughts
Story Of My Life
Birthday Party
I don't have blue eyes and blond hair, (not that all Swedes have that).
If I ever have children some day in the future, they will also be immigrants because of me.
The third generation will not be immigrants but considered ethnic Swedes, sort of or something.
If my supposed future children decided to have children with Swedes that is...
♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Thoughts
Story Of My Life
Birthday Party
Monday, 15 November 2010
I'm Naïve
I'm so naïve at times it hurts too even think about... Would Omma and Appa really care if I wrote them or made them gifts occassionally ? Now I'm in doubt...
Does it really matter? Do they even care? What about my siblings, my older sisters and brothers... Will they remember me, tell their future children about me? Will I be forgotten in a few decades ? What traces are there left of me then?
♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
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Rants
Selfishness
Things I Do
Does it really matter? Do they even care? What about my siblings, my older sisters and brothers... Will they remember me, tell their future children about me? Will I be forgotten in a few decades ? What traces are there left of me then?
♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Omma
Rants
Selfishness
Things I Do
Sunday, 14 November 2010
Shame On Me
I was born in a larger Korean hospital in Seoul.
They later told my mother I was stillborn.
My birth parents are still married.
They already had children before me and I'm not the youngest child.
The only reason why I say this is because I've realized that my story is far from unique.
I used to believe that I was an expection from the general rule but now it seems like it isn't so.
That I was right from the start, it is far more common than you think if you're adopted from South Korea...
♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Justification
Exception
Little Or No Background
Things I Know
Clarification
They later told my mother I was stillborn.
My birth parents are still married.
They already had children before me and I'm not the youngest child.
The only reason why I say this is because I've realized that my story is far from unique.
I used to believe that I was an expection from the general rule but now it seems like it isn't so.
That I was right from the start, it is far more common than you think if you're adopted from South Korea...
♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Justification
Exception
Little Or No Background
Things I Know
Clarification
Saturday, 13 November 2010
Change Of Plans Sort Of
- No I will not seek work in the adoption industry promoting the very thing I resist, instead I will try to work for recognition and rights for (Korean) adoptees
- I'm douting weither or not I should try too publish my biography, it seems to personal and biased
- I'm thinking of writing a novel based in South Korea in the future for obvious reasons...
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Future Plans
Changes
Change
Mum And I
Friday, 12 November 2010
Fresh Thoughts
Some say this others say that...
Honestly to be associated with an immigrant is not really that bad it is even prefered (if you have to choose between being treated as an immigrant or a foreigner). Or am I wrong?
Why should you be ashamed of being viewed as an immigrant when it really is what you are? Take Sweden for example where the only real ethnic Swedes are the Finnish Lapps. Is the xenophic influences getting to us adoptees as well? Or are we really that colourblind or ignoarant to our own heritage ?
I'm not sure too be honest.
But I can truthfully say that I'm probably more of an immigrant than a Swede despite the fact that my legal parents are Swedes. I don't know any Hangul yet or anything about Korean culture.
Like immigrant children that emigrates alone that is how I see myself, somewhat not completely. But I shouldn't be ashamed of it; that I am an immigrant because it's what I am...
Now that I think about it it seems I have far more in common with them than I like too think. Children who emigrates alone have no security, no foundation of trust, no culture traditions or religion.
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Story Of My Life
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About Me
Honestly to be associated with an immigrant is not really that bad it is even prefered (if you have to choose between being treated as an immigrant or a foreigner). Or am I wrong?
Why should you be ashamed of being viewed as an immigrant when it really is what you are? Take Sweden for example where the only real ethnic Swedes are the Finnish Lapps. Is the xenophic influences getting to us adoptees as well? Or are we really that colourblind or ignoarant to our own heritage ?
I'm not sure too be honest.
But I can truthfully say that I'm probably more of an immigrant than a Swede despite the fact that my legal parents are Swedes. I don't know any Hangul yet or anything about Korean culture.
Like immigrant children that emigrates alone that is how I see myself, somewhat not completely. But I shouldn't be ashamed of it; that I am an immigrant because it's what I am...
Now that I think about it it seems I have far more in common with them than I like too think. Children who emigrates alone have no security, no foundation of trust, no culture traditions or religion.
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Story Of My Life
Random Rants
About Me
Thursday, 11 November 2010
한글
Probably the only written Korean, Hangul you will see here for a while.
But I've been accepted to the only Korean language course on University level in Sweden so yes I'm happy.
I'm a bit further to my goal not that I exactly know what my goal is...
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
Related posts:
Future Plans
But I've been accepted to the only Korean language course on University level in Sweden so yes I'm happy.
I'm a bit further to my goal not that I exactly know what my goal is...
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
Related posts:
Future Plans
Tourist Sights
All of the above pictures were taken by me while in Korea this past summer.
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
Related posts:
Wednesday, 10 November 2010
Day 1
We ended the day on a nearby Korean restaurant were you prepared your barbequed meet in the table. This was also the very first time that I tried samgyeopsal, the only Korean food my dad seems to wholeheartedly accept and which made it impossible for me to continue eating my minimal amount of meat and why I decide to try LCHF diet. But most importantly it is also half of the title or address of this blog.
But fact is the day didn't end at the restaurant we continued on to a smaller Italian coffeeshop, were we talked and had a photosession. Korean coffee is really mild and maybe even bland while the Western and European coffees are very strong almost remotely.
The next day we went to a big shopping street with nice souvernirs and my birth family even insisted of giving me a gift as a memory and keepsake of my distant but real and present Korean family. Since dad was the only male among the three of us he was often asked where he would like to eat and every time we ended up at a Korean barbeque restaurant.
After lunch mum and decided to return to the shopping street and I requested if I could have some time alone with my birth parents. One of my older siblings who knew English was with us interpreting. We went to a cozy Korean coffeeshop and had some time for some bonding and talking. After that we went back to the shopping street area to meet my mum and dad and to part or different ways.
The following day we wouldn't meet my birth family until later in the evening for the big event, the soccer game between Korea and Nigeria and the whole nation was uniting and dressing up in red to cheer on their national champions...
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Best And Worst Day
Preparing
Resemblance
But fact is the day didn't end at the restaurant we continued on to a smaller Italian coffeeshop, were we talked and had a photosession. Korean coffee is really mild and maybe even bland while the Western and European coffees are very strong almost remotely.
The next day we went to a big shopping street with nice souvernirs and my birth family even insisted of giving me a gift as a memory and keepsake of my distant but real and present Korean family. Since dad was the only male among the three of us he was often asked where he would like to eat and every time we ended up at a Korean barbeque restaurant.
After lunch mum and decided to return to the shopping street and I requested if I could have some time alone with my birth parents. One of my older siblings who knew English was with us interpreting. We went to a cozy Korean coffeeshop and had some time for some bonding and talking. After that we went back to the shopping street area to meet my mum and dad and to part or different ways.
The following day we wouldn't meet my birth family until later in the evening for the big event, the soccer game between Korea and Nigeria and the whole nation was uniting and dressing up in red to cheer on their national champions...
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Best And Worst Day
Preparing
Resemblance
Tuesday, 9 November 2010
Meaning Of Colours
Who was it that decided that the colour pink is supposed to be a feminine colour or a colour for homosexuals. And that blue is viewed as male colour for boys. Who? I'd really like too know? Luckily these things are about too change and pink is even considered a very bold fashion statement for boys and men that not all men can get away with.
I really dislike this gender roles and I'm thinking of dressing my future son (if I ever get one) in a pink overall and if I ever have a daughter I will dress her only in blue and green skirts and dress. Just kidding , or not. Why can't a boy where a dress while a girl can choose to wear either a dress a skirt or trousers?
Common it's the 21th century now not the 1750ths.
While I was traveling to Stockholm it started snowing heavily in Sweden, I still wore my sneakers btw. And tomorrow I have planned to have lunch with dad before my meeting...
♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Never Happy
Demolished
Shades Of Grey
I really dislike this gender roles and I'm thinking of dressing my future son (if I ever get one) in a pink overall and if I ever have a daughter I will dress her only in blue and green skirts and dress. Just kidding , or not. Why can't a boy where a dress while a girl can choose to wear either a dress a skirt or trousers?
Common it's the 21th century now not the 1750ths.
While I was traveling to Stockholm it started snowing heavily in Sweden, I still wore my sneakers btw. And tomorrow I have planned to have lunch with dad before my meeting...
♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Never Happy
Demolished
Shades Of Grey
Different Shades Of Grey
I'm on my way to Stockhom, Sweden's capital city as we speak and I realized I needed to this for my thesis. There's not enough material out there for me to be able to write my thesis I intend to do. Surprisingly when Korea has exercised inter country adoption since the Korean War and between 150000 - 200000 is estimated to have been adopted overseas.
This means I will be spending a few days at my parents home.
When I paint I like to use colourful shades of water colours mostly, but my reality is grey. Yet I also seems to dream in colour but why then is my reality or rather my interpIretation of reality only dark in different shades of grey...
I know I should feel grateful, yet I hate that very word. I'm utterly aware of of fragile life can be and how significant a random act or minor detail can influence and even change a person's faith and life. Even though I know this I confess I do have my bad days as well.
Days when I go around signing the blues wearing shades that makes me think the world is only grey. Those days I wonder why, why I was born into this difficult world. And yes, then I'm also very egocentric beliving that my pain and my life is the worst thing that ever happened on this earth. Of course I know this is far from true, but my pain, experiences and emotions matters to me. And my interpretation of the world and my outlook on life depends on those three factors.
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Pain
Blame
What If
This means I will be spending a few days at my parents home.
When I paint I like to use colourful shades of water colours mostly, but my reality is grey. Yet I also seems to dream in colour but why then is my reality or rather my interpIretation of reality only dark in different shades of grey...
I know I should feel grateful, yet I hate that very word. I'm utterly aware of of fragile life can be and how significant a random act or minor detail can influence and even change a person's faith and life. Even though I know this I confess I do have my bad days as well.
Days when I go around signing the blues wearing shades that makes me think the world is only grey. Those days I wonder why, why I was born into this difficult world. And yes, then I'm also very egocentric beliving that my pain and my life is the worst thing that ever happened on this earth. Of course I know this is far from true, but my pain, experiences and emotions matters to me. And my interpretation of the world and my outlook on life depends on those three factors.
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Pain
Blame
What If
Monday, 8 November 2010
Good Days And Bad Days Story Of My Life
Lately it seems like the good days are fewer than my bad days. Like a string of pearls in black and white; the black pearls are the bad days and the white pearls are the good days. I know life becomes what you make of out but some things in a persons life can't be changed no matter how hard we try.
I can't change peoples presumptions and opinions about me no matter how hard I try. And of course there's always the present stigma of being a Korean adoptee and especially a young woman.
People (read some people) either believe I'm an immigrant or someone who offers sex for money, those things are things I can never escape from. But make no mistake, that are the things and prejudices some people presume and just for the record I'm not that kind of person. Not that kind of woman, not that kind of immigrant...
I have my pride, dignity and my name those are the things in my life that are only mine to call my own. Everything else has been influenced by others even my childhood, values and memories.
In Korea people recognizes me as one of them but don't really socially accept me because I'm an adoptee. A shameful unwanted person. But of course my birth family seems to be happy that the circle is complete yet their lives has been very different compared to mine they still seem to feel sorry for me. Maybe because they all had each other while I was separated and had to grow up alone. All on my own, sort of without sisters but later with responsibility as an older sister to my younger brother. Not blood related by the way.
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
End Of Rainbow
(Life before reunion)
I can't change peoples presumptions and opinions about me no matter how hard I try. And of course there's always the present stigma of being a Korean adoptee and especially a young woman.
I have my pride, dignity and my name those are the things in my life that are only mine to call my own. Everything else has been influenced by others even my childhood, values and memories.
In Korea people recognizes me as one of them but don't really socially accept me because I'm an adoptee. A shameful unwanted person. But of course my birth family seems to be happy that the circle is complete yet their lives has been very different compared to mine they still seem to feel sorry for me. Maybe because they all had each other while I was separated and had to grow up alone. All on my own, sort of without sisters but later with responsibility as an older sister to my younger brother. Not blood related by the way.
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
End Of Rainbow
The Things I Do
for you, if you only knew what I'm prepared to do for you... Do you even know, I wonder. Do you realize all the things I do, all things I'm willing to do for you. It might not be much but to me it means a great deal, it's a proof of that you're always present in my mind. I think of you from time to time, I wish that we could meet again soon. But until then let me prove my love for you by all the thing I do.
I learned to paint and sew in pre-school
At presently I'm learning how to stitch as well
Oh all the things I do for you, if you only knew...
♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Never Happy
Arirang
I learned to paint and sew in pre-school
At presently I'm learning how to stitch as well
Oh all the things I do for you, if you only knew...
♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Never Happy
Arirang
Sunday, 7 November 2010
Finally
I finally have the personal name that I intended to have for more then 3 months ago. Finally!!!
Things to do arrange a new ID and passport. The Swedish Tax Authority had taken two of my other names and made them into my personal name. Probably because my new intended personal name was a foreign sounding name, but still...
I'm still working on my thesis PM and I will have to go to Stockholm to meet a special person that has made a lot of research about my topic. That's exacting and good news, not so good new is that I've been bothering my professor about several months old assignments and I'm still in doubt if I should keep that professor as my tutor for my thesis.
♥ 챠금은안녕.Bye for now.♥
Related posts:
Final Rebirth
Delayed Name Change
Things to do arrange a new ID and passport. The Swedish Tax Authority had taken two of my other names and made them into my personal name. Probably because my new intended personal name was a foreign sounding name, but still...
I'm still working on my thesis PM and I will have to go to Stockholm to meet a special person that has made a lot of research about my topic. That's exacting and good news, not so good new is that I've been bothering my professor about several months old assignments and I'm still in doubt if I should keep that professor as my tutor for my thesis.
♥ 챠금은안녕.Bye for now.♥
Related posts:
Final Rebirth
Delayed Name Change
Christmas Spirit
It's true I've lost my Christmas spirit and yes it's not December or even First Advent yet. I'm unable to make my wish list for this Christmas... I know why, I feel guilty because of the life I've had compared to my birth siblings and parents... So the question is if I really should wish for Christmas gift this year or not... I'm not sure yet, I just know I'm changed in so many ways and at so many different levels... I don't see it like punishment, I really don't... I know one thing and one thing only; I feel like I would have to make my birth parents and siblings proud of me and that I have a never ending debt to them... Maybe more emotional than economical, because on paper I'm not their's not anymore...
♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Changes
Change
♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Changes
Change
Saturday, 6 November 2010
Friday, 5 November 2010
Weird Week
I've spent a week with mum and I survived, it was a really strange week for one.
Somehow mum thinks I'm too blame for our family's economy. Figure that.
But how was I suppose to know that you had to transfer your salary this month to dad, when dad never mentioned it...
How am I suppose to trust that all things you say are true?
That you might not be able to keep your summer house when dad's retired, that you'd like an early retirement because you´re not happy with your work one minut, but next time I ask you like your job.
You're over 20 years old you're supposed to be able to take care of yourself. We can't provide for you any longer.
Fine, there goes all our money and and I who planned a long weekend to Berlin....
Why did you stop talking? Don't tell me you became upset when I mentioned that we have no money. That's it isn't it? Are you really that spoiled?
Maybe we can't even afford Christmas gifts this year?
Don't be silly of course we can.
Mum, this year I don't want any Christmas gifts.
Please don't ruin Christmas for grandma, we don't know how long she's gonna live...
Thank God she's left I can't stand her presumptions and emotional hostages, but she's my mum weither i like it or not. And yes mum and dad seems to have different views on economy or maybe dad don't want to bother me with that stuff as well.
When mum said she and dad had a strained economy I didn't really want to listen because sure enough I knew where it was headed... As she continued I could feel myself falling deeper and deeper inside my head... At one point I even wished I'd be somewhere else. And of course we disagreed a lot, I hate that. Instead of trying too change my opinions you should be proud of me as a person. But I suppose I never will be the person that you expects me to be. Guess what I'm not perfect neither are you...
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
The List
Crap
Somehow mum thinks I'm too blame for our family's economy. Figure that.
But how was I suppose to know that you had to transfer your salary this month to dad, when dad never mentioned it...
How am I suppose to trust that all things you say are true?
That you might not be able to keep your summer house when dad's retired, that you'd like an early retirement because you´re not happy with your work one minut, but next time I ask you like your job.
You're over 20 years old you're supposed to be able to take care of yourself. We can't provide for you any longer.
Fine, there goes all our money and and I who planned a long weekend to Berlin....
Why did you stop talking? Don't tell me you became upset when I mentioned that we have no money. That's it isn't it? Are you really that spoiled?
Maybe we can't even afford Christmas gifts this year?
Don't be silly of course we can.
Mum, this year I don't want any Christmas gifts.
Please don't ruin Christmas for grandma, we don't know how long she's gonna live...
Thank God she's left I can't stand her presumptions and emotional hostages, but she's my mum weither i like it or not. And yes mum and dad seems to have different views on economy or maybe dad don't want to bother me with that stuff as well.
When mum said she and dad had a strained economy I didn't really want to listen because sure enough I knew where it was headed... As she continued I could feel myself falling deeper and deeper inside my head... At one point I even wished I'd be somewhere else. And of course we disagreed a lot, I hate that. Instead of trying too change my opinions you should be proud of me as a person. But I suppose I never will be the person that you expects me to be. Guess what I'm not perfect neither are you...
♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
The List
Crap
Cha Jung Hee
In the matter of Cha Jung Hee, its a shocking movie documentary about two Korean girls one who is the real Cha Jung Hee and anthoer one that becomes Cha Jung Hee. Unfortunately I'm unable to watch In the matter of Cha Jung Hee, since I'm not living in the States. Did they find the real Cha Jung Hee? How did the movie end?
Resilience, that's another documentary that I can watch. And I do say it's an interesting one.
My father, with Daniel Henney is a movie about an Korean American adopted boy who searches for his birth father.
Ireland, is a drama about a Korean Irish adopted girl who searches for her birth family and ends up living in Korea.
Women of the Sun, it's a drama about two Korean girls and one family.
♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Confussion
Resilience, that's another documentary that I can watch. And I do say it's an interesting one.
My father, with Daniel Henney is a movie about an Korean American adopted boy who searches for his birth father.
Ireland, is a drama about a Korean Irish adopted girl who searches for her birth family and ends up living in Korea.
Women of the Sun, it's a drama about two Korean girls and one family.
♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Confussion
Thursday, 4 November 2010
At The End Of The Rainbow
I was able to plan for my reunion and first meeting which I barely survived emotionally speaking... And my world is still spinning around. But I appreciate the fact that I was able to have my happy ending and to find my personal treasure at the end of my rainbow. Yet life after the happy ending is more complicated and emotionally difficult than what I imagined. What do you say too this?
Sarange, Aboji, Omoni... sarange Yoja hyonge, sarange Namdongsaeng...
♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related post:
Omma
Sarange, Aboji, Omoni... sarange Yoja hyonge, sarange Namdongsaeng...
♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related post:
Omma
Wednesday, 3 November 2010
What It Means
Yes, I'm adopted and yes I'm a reunited KAD.
So I was adopted to Sweden from Korea, I've lived my whole life minus a little over 2 months.
I don't know Korean yet but I hope I will learn...
I'm no expert in Korea; Korean soceity, culture, religion, traditions, history or politics.
Let's make that thing clear.
I've seen a few of the most popular K-dramas like My Girl, Green Rose and Sweet 18.
I'm willing to learn more about Korea but I suspect that this might take me my entire life or maybe not even be accomplished during my life time.
How can you be sure that a decision made years might not lead to a life long suffering? How to save a life ?
There are approximately 150000 -200000 Korean adoptees out there in the world, and we all have our different faiths and stories, but we share one thing; adoption and the separation. But make no mistake, all adoptees are ordinary peole, with differen opnions and lives. We all deserve the same amount of respect both from society at large but also from each other if we happen to have differing opinions we should respect that not bash out on each other. We can't expect all 200000 KADs to think, believe, behave and live exactly like ourself. The key word here seems to be respect.
In case I've offended some of you or come out too strong with my personal opinions I'm truely sorry and I hereby apologize to everyone...
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Justification
So I was adopted to Sweden from Korea, I've lived my whole life minus a little over 2 months.
I don't know Korean yet but I hope I will learn...
I'm no expert in Korea; Korean soceity, culture, religion, traditions, history or politics.
Let's make that thing clear.
I've seen a few of the most popular K-dramas like My Girl, Green Rose and Sweet 18.
I'm willing to learn more about Korea but I suspect that this might take me my entire life or maybe not even be accomplished during my life time.
How can you be sure that a decision made years might not lead to a life long suffering? How to save a life ?
There are approximately 150000 -200000 Korean adoptees out there in the world, and we all have our different faiths and stories, but we share one thing; adoption and the separation. But make no mistake, all adoptees are ordinary peole, with differen opnions and lives. We all deserve the same amount of respect both from society at large but also from each other if we happen to have differing opinions we should respect that not bash out on each other. We can't expect all 200000 KADs to think, believe, behave and live exactly like ourself. The key word here seems to be respect.
In case I've offended some of you or come out too strong with my personal opinions I'm truely sorry and I hereby apologize to everyone...
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Justification
Tuesday, 2 November 2010
Story Of My Life
The story of my life, is not what I imagined, dreamed or hoped for... How could it? One word : dissatisfaction. I wish there was someone I could blame, for the mess that is my life. But there is no one I could blame even if I wanted to or tried. I just fell so powerless, misunderstood and alone... Sometimes I imagine that my life is a movie or a novel because truthfully the details and events does sound like it. My life is my life , I don't want to complain or nag about it...
I'm chasing after something really desperately without really knowing what it is that I'm looking for. Will I finally be happy when I found it? What if I don't find it... what happens then?
♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Inter Country Adoption
Mum And I
Heavy Heart
I'm chasing after something really desperately without really knowing what it is that I'm looking for. Will I finally be happy when I found it? What if I don't find it... what happens then?
♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Inter Country Adoption
Mum And I
Heavy Heart
Monday, 1 November 2010
The Birthday Party
Many years ago, about 20 years or so I was invited to a birthday party with a mascerade, I don't remember everything but I know I finally decided to go in my Hanbok. Everyone else seemed to have gone through more of an effort because the dressed up like Princess Jasmine from Aladin, Pippi Longstocking, sailors and alike. All the other children were Swedes so I suppose they could pull of anything.
Then there was me a Korean in an ethnic hanbok dress, I even remember the other children talking about me...
Why did you decide to come like that? Couldn't you have dressed up like something else... why didn't you settle for Tinkerbell like you said?
To make things even worse they had a ceremony were everyone was supposed to vote for best dressed boy and girl. I already sensed no one would vote for me so for best dressed girl. At the end of the party there were a ceremony were medallions were handed out. I'm not 100% certain but I do believe I was the only one not given a medallion...
On the way back home I broke down in tears and mum asked me what was wrong and then my dear mum made me my very own gold medallion. I'm not sure if I've saved it or not, but the thing is that really proves how much mum loved me... I truely do believe my mum always has been the best mum for me. I couldn't imagine anyone else. And honestly would anyone else go through so much trouble ?
♥챠금은안녕.Bye for now. ♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Social Discrimination
Mum And I
Then there was me a Korean in an ethnic hanbok dress, I even remember the other children talking about me...
Why did you decide to come like that? Couldn't you have dressed up like something else... why didn't you settle for Tinkerbell like you said?
To make things even worse they had a ceremony were everyone was supposed to vote for best dressed boy and girl. I already sensed no one would vote for me so for best dressed girl. At the end of the party there were a ceremony were medallions were handed out. I'm not 100% certain but I do believe I was the only one not given a medallion...
On the way back home I broke down in tears and mum asked me what was wrong and then my dear mum made me my very own gold medallion. I'm not sure if I've saved it or not, but the thing is that really proves how much mum loved me... I truely do believe my mum always has been the best mum for me. I couldn't imagine anyone else. And honestly would anyone else go through so much trouble ?
♥챠금은안녕.Bye for now. ♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Social Discrimination
Mum And I
Heavy Heart
My mum seems to still attempt to influence me in to changing my opinion about inter country adoption, but that would be impossible for me. Like betraying myself... Mym mum told me some days ago that it was sad that I seemed so negative towards inter country adoption... Let me just say that I don't think one should be so surprised about my feelings, opinions and thoughts...
I doubt my opinion will change, and just to clearify I'm not exactly negative towards inter country adoption in Korea maybe more of sceptical. And yes, I might be a little negative towards international adoption generally speaking but sadly mostly towards Korean adoption. With that said I'd like to point out that I'm still not sure if I would look down on the entire adoption industry... I'd like to think I don't, honestly I am.
Let's imagine that I would consider adoption than I wouldn't choose Korea as my first choice... but than the future child would not resemble me... Let's just say in a worst case scenario I might be willing to reconsider international adoption from any other country than Korea...
But I'm still lightyears away from even considering starting a family...
♥챠금은안녕.Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Mum And I
I doubt my opinion will change, and just to clearify I'm not exactly negative towards inter country adoption in Korea maybe more of sceptical. And yes, I might be a little negative towards international adoption generally speaking but sadly mostly towards Korean adoption. With that said I'd like to point out that I'm still not sure if I would look down on the entire adoption industry... I'd like to think I don't, honestly I am.
Let's imagine that I would consider adoption than I wouldn't choose Korea as my first choice... but than the future child would not resemble me... Let's just say in a worst case scenario I might be willing to reconsider international adoption from any other country than Korea...
But I'm still lightyears away from even considering starting a family...
♥챠금은안녕.Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Mum And I
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