I will try not to complain today; in this post. All my life I have sometimes longed for an ordinary life, without having to feel split, confussed and torn in two. I would try to imagine a life filled with guy problems, love and relationship issues and maybe at times also dieting issues. School related problems, things like that.Ordinary problems that is. Not issues relating to my personal identity, my two families or the real reason behind my adoption.
But confessing that I long for an ordinary life is not easy especially if it would mean that in an ordinary imagined life with one ordinary family the other one would not exist. Then which family do I consider as my real true family? The family who raised me or the family who never knew me but who created me? Because it is impossible for me to choose I conclude that I never could have an ordinary life with ordinary issues, challenges and problems.
Maybe I'll experience a lifelong identity crisis... maybe not. I just want to for once be able to feel content with my life, maybe even happy but I can't seem to .. at least not yet.
Would an ordinary life with ordinary parents and family be better? If I long for the ordinary things wouldn't it mean that I ultimately also long for things like divorce, infedelity, teen pregnancy, abortion, life on a tight budget, alcoholism, abuse, drug addiction... and whatever else. Wouldn't it? And would that really be better?
I believe a person forms and creates his our hers opinions and thoughts from their own life experience.. maybe that could be a reason why my mum seems to react so strongly towards my negative attitude towards inter country adoption.... That's my personal opinion and I realize that it might be provocative, but honestly it isn't intentional it's truthfully nothing else than my personal conviction...
I really should start studying on my PM draft and thesis structure but honestly I have no energy or inspiration. But I have managed to barrow some books from the library. That's always something.
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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