During my childhood especially I was concerned with questions such as what if if... what if I wasn't born in the hospital... what if my birth mother had seen me after birth... what if the adoption papers never had been signed.. what if I would have remained at the orphanage... Would I have been taken home to my birth family?
When I was in Korea this summer I asked about my social study and I was informed that someone else other than my birth father had signed the consent for inter country adoption with his name...
Mum you know this to, so why do you blame me for my feelings and opinions...? I can't change the past and I wouldn't try to even if I could. But knowing this makes me realize that if everything would have been as it should I never would have been relinqused in the first place, never offered to you and dad. I know this and the knowledge of this hurt so much and sometimes mum I know I might be drawn far to much to my birth mum and dad.... It isn't because I want to delibrately hurt you or to make you or dad cry it is simply because I want to try to make things right.
Mum why do I feel like I have to explain and justify myself to you?
You know it as much as I do, that it was nothing else than a series of unfortunate events that made it possible for you to adopt me. If things would have developed as they should have I might never have become your daughter by adoption, our paths and faiths most likely would never have meet...
Mum are you aware of this? Mum please don't make me feel guilty for wanting to get to know my birth family or to try to make things right again...
♥쳐금은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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