I have unlike my adoptive brother always known about my birth family while my brother had very little and vague information in general. My brother's birth mother was an unmarried woman and his birth father is believed to be married with another woman. Because of the fact that he seemed to be the result of a love affair the information we had about his birth family is likely to be a constructed version of reality with dishonest information.
Because he knew very early on in life that the likelihood for him to find his birth mother would be very slim he seemed to be accepting this, maybe because he thinks it would be next to impossible to find his birth mother. While I on the other hand has the very opposite personality compared to him; he being outgoing, social and popular while I am more introvert, not as social and not having as many friends. As far as I know my brother has never thought as much about his Korean birth parents as I have, but I can't be sure about it...
I'm to be honest not sure if he really believes this be true or if he believes he would never be able to find his birth father because of the fact that my mum has told him the likelihood of that. When I took the first insecure steps towards locating my birth family my mum in particular asked me not to talk to my brother about this, possibly thinking that if I did my brother might begin to think about his birth parents as well. Maybe thinking about doing a family search too but knowing from the start that he wouldn't be able to get the wished result from it.
When my brother and I talked about our respective birth familes it went something like this;
"My father was a coop and my maternal grand father a business man.
"My birth parents was married and had already had older children."
Because the dominant heridatory rule of male heirs in Asia and also based on what it said in my papers my adoptive parents also told me at a very young age that I was adopted because I was a daughter, not a son.
This did no matter how you look at it make me resenting my birth parents at first and when my mum and dad continued to tell me that I might have had a younger brother by birth.... Let's just say things didn't exactly get any easier, my initial reaction and thought was that I was unwanted and unloved because of my gender and I was jealous of my younger brother.
My adoptive parents has later on told me that compared to my birth family my life has been much easier and happer. Again how could they possible know this? Has my mum or dad ever visited Korea or do they know any ethnic Koreans on which they could base this opinion? No, not really. I wouldn't like to go as far as to say that I'm happier than I would have been in Korea with my birth family. Because of the different cultures I'm convinced that our life's has been very different but not less happier and happier. No only different.
So no, mum, I'm sorry. But my life might have been happy even if I would have remained in Korea... My birth parents wanted me but unfortunate events made things progress they way they did. Mum, you're partially right that my life might not have been as free would I have lived in Korea, but not unhappier. What I might have lacked in terms of material possessions and wealth I would experience and receive in terms of family love and sibling love, the special relationship you form when you are raised in a big family household. I might have been poor in money but rich in terms of love...
For one thing mum, I would never have had to be alone for the first 5 years of my life... Honestly mum do you consider money is more important then love?
What was so horrible and of such major importance that you ordered me not to talk about my birth family and birth family search... Was it the notion and chance of my brother getting similar thoughts and your own insecurity and worst fear; of losing your younger son as well, had I talked to him about it? Were you and dad truly afraid that you might end up losing twoo children instead of one or was it just a reflection of your own insecurities mum?
♥쳐근은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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