I'm really trying my best to describe my daily encounters and experiences, even analyzing myself and my adoptive parents. I try to do this with an open mind not portraying any presumptions, prejudices or resentment. No matter how you look at it I do love them, there's just some things I simply can't accept about their atitude towards adoptees.
Out of respect for my birth family I will try my best to balance the urge to tell to many personal things relating to my adoption while sometimes giving you a fragment of my family history. Believe me when I say that there is more too my story than I so far has told and some details I will keep for myself.
Certain coinciding circumstances made my birth parents hide not only mother's pregnancy but also my birth to my older siblings. For years they didn't know of me, it was only when I decided to start looking for them that they begun to understand what really happened. Obviously this may have caused my siblings tears and maybe even resentment for my birth parents having relinqused one of their own to intercountry adoption. But I don't know what that must have felt like and I presume I never will... No, this is all information I'm willing to give you, even offering you, right here, right now....
So yes I'm my birth family or especially birth parents dark hidden secret, and all I know and feel is the pure happiness and love my siblings has offered me ever since a few years back. But this has taken many years, unanswered questions, tears and lack of sleep...
Maybe things never can go back to the way it should have been... I'm not sure I'd even like that or if it would be acceptable and expected of my adoptive parents... So no, that's not what I'd want either... I'm not really sure exactly what I want... Maybe you could say I'd like to eat the cake and have it too...
♥쳐음은안녕. Bye for now. ♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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