Would I have gone through with my birth family search, would I have known about what would come.... Would I have agreed to plan the first reunion trip had I known what it would bring....
Would I still have looked forward even dreamed about meeting them if I knew it would push my mum and dad away from me...? The time before the renuion was such a happy, even joyful time almost. My mum and I was really close and dad and I could talk about almost anything....
Why can't my mum and dad at least respect my desire to grasp the opertunity to get to know my birth siblings? Why can't they accept my feelings towards my birth parents? It really doesn't change anything between us but you act just as if it had....
Sometimes I wish I never had gone through with it since it only seems to make as further a part... And I assure you, mum and dad that that was the last thing on my mind and nothing I desired. Why couldn't you continue being interested in getting to know my birth family without feeling threatened by it? I tried to explain that the experience from the trip and being able to hear what really happened made me change my mind... I'm proud to be Korean and I want to get to know my birth family and culture but maybe not if it would mean that I'd have to let go of you.
I know I claimed that my personal identity had changed but that doesn't mean I'm no longer you're daughter, I'm still your daughter. You raised me for over 20 years and all three of us has many memories to share between us. That will not change and I still love you but I DO feel a similar feeling towards my birth family. I shouldn't have to explain that since my heart is big and filled with only good intentions. But mum don't you know me better than this? Dad I used to be your girl, daddy's litle girl do you honestly think that all of that is gone ?
♥쳐음은안녕. Bye for now.♥
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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