I don't feel complete yet, even though I really believed and was utterly convinced that I would be once I met my birth family. But that was only a minor fullfilment not a complete one. There are still pieces of the puzzle that I miss and may never find them.
Too feel complete I need to look for the answers within me, within my soul and not let myself be decieved by depending on others in the hope of finding complete fullfilment. Your happiness should not depend on others, you have to look within yourself.
Finding someone that loves me for me and that truely understand me is what I still think of but lately my life has been so dramatic and chaotic that it hasn't been possible. And finding a boyfriend might never make me happy and it might not be the answer to complete fullfilment...
I'm still in doubt about weither or not I will be able to present my thesis by next Thursday... It's only two more days left before the deadline.. Should I be scared now?
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
Related posts:
Why
Emptiness
Deep Down
My Heart
I'm a Korean adoptee, too. Please trust me when I say: finding a boyfriend will not make you happy. I'm married to another Korean adoptee... and I'm still not happy. I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you otherwise, but men are creeps for the most part. Sometimes they'll be nice to you and you'll feel bad, but that's not enough to build a relationship on. Don't ever stay with a guy just because he's nice to you. And you are right, most guys (especially the ones worth having) don't tolerate a lot of drama or chaos in their lives. They are in control and content with their lives. I've had so many relationship troubles, I finally just married someone so they would end. But now I just have one constant relationship trouble.
ReplyDeleteI'm really sorry that meeting your parntes didn't bring you a lot of peace. I just started searching for mine and I don't have a lot of high hopes for it either. I think that complete fulfillment is something that is unattainable for most people in life, regardless of whether or not they are adopted. Being an adoptee just makes the odds of having fulfillment even more slim.
I hear that that is the case for the most part. When you go in search of your history you find answers but they always lead to new questions and a new sense of uncertainty. :( I still want to search but it's going to be really difficult.
ReplyDeleteI hope you pass your thesis!!! Several months ago I kept being worried about life, trying to find a meaning, but then realized that it is though living we find that. Thus, keep living your life and keep fighting! As it sings in one song, Love is all around. Good luck to you, friend!
ReplyDelete