My friends are in that period of life when they settle down and start a family, some even tie the knot. I want to find acceptance and love too, I worry a bit about my future. What's going to happened when my mum and dad are not around any longer... Of course I'd have my brother but we're total opposites of each other he's popular, funny and outgoing with a large social network.
I really thought I'd like to find someone to love, but to be honest I don't I really don't. Honestly I don't want to, once I did go on a date with a much older guy, all the time I kept hearing alarm clocks in my head... I don't want to discuss that any further, let's just say that as for me I've learned that I sometimes need to do things I'd say I never do just to better understand why I don't want it.
And please, I'm not against people falling in love, marrying or having children... Since my reunion with my Korean family I have felt a stronger responsibility of my search for happiness, although I can't explain it very well .. maybe I've become picker when it comes to choosing you friends and whom to love. Although you might not be able to control who you begin to fancy. I don't want to date and give people false hope when I know that it might be the last thing I want.
To me my biggest nightmare is to engage in a relationship with someone out of pity either on my part or their part, and then I'd find myself trapped to somebody I deep down might noy even have considered dating. I just need to be more confident and express my opinions in the open and then let nobody try to talk me out of something because they think they might know better than me...
I'd like to one day tell my umma and appa that I found someone to love, I just won't settle for the first guy that comes along because there might be somebody better somewhere else. In a way I think it would be much easier to put love on hold until I'm in a position to move to Korea, because I don't want to raise a family in Sweden when I have no intention of settling down. If I was to settle down I might have to sacrifice my dream and purpose of life of moving to Korea and my dream in life is not to find somebody to love, settle down and raise a family. At least not if it means I have to make such a big compromise...
Today it's a month to my birthday and too be honest I'm not looking forward to it. Not at all in fact, but I'm putting on brave face and pretend everything is all right...
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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Reunion Reflectiom
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