Thursday, 19 April 2012
It Makes Sense II
I begun writing letters and sending pictures back and forth for some years, then everything suddenly stopped and it took a while for me to re-establish contact with my birth family. By then 10 years had almost passed and I had only been back in their lives for a couple of months when dad suggested that I'd ask if my birth family would like to meet me in person. I was lucky, they said yes and so I started planning my first reunion and first trip to Korea simultaneously.
My reunion trip coincided with the Summer Olympics of 2010 and I was fortunate enough to witness the Korean soccer team meet other teams... They didn't win their last game, but that really didn't matter the experience was something else. I spent a couple of days with my older siblings and parts of the family before the entire family went on an outing to the countryside and we all wore matching T-shirts that weekened. We visited a Korean carnival and I went on the amusement rides despite the lack of safety nets. That was almost two years ago, in december of 2010 I begun planning for a second trip to Korea.
This time without my mum and dad, I thought it would be easier to establish a lasting and deeper connection with my first family without them but now I wouldn't have my safety net. I booked the tickets in december and I would leave for Korea around the beginning of July and I had initially planned to just stay a month, but I extended my trip last minute. And I can honestly say that I felt at home there, my soul became calm like I had found my inner peace.Now I still feel I'd like to move from Sweden back to Korea, to the land that ignored me... But when you think about it , really think about it it does make sense.
I have finally found a piece of myself and my past and I am terrified I one day will lose conntact with them. Also 25 years have been stolen from us all, time neither of us can get back so now that I finally have them all back in my life I strive for and wants to pursue a new life in Korea with them more actively involved. Luckily for me my mum and dad in Sweden does support me, and they understand why I feel the way I do. It's not an insult to my Swedish parents, they are still very much a part of my life but I feel like this is my only shoot to try to make things right.
Besides being adopted living in the Western World as a young Asian adoptee, especially in Sweden means you are subject to racisim and prejudices. The only place were I didn't experience that was in Korea the same place that once casted me aside.I am ready for deeper commitment to my first family, I could never ask them to come and visit me for obvious reasons. It makes more sense for me to come to them, instead of the opposite. Although I am dreeding what they'll say and how they'll react I feel like it's the next natural step in my personal reunion saga. My friends are starting to make their own families moving in with their partners and beginning to have children. But not me, either I am not ready to settle down or the urge to move to Korea is greater then anything else.
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle