Deep Down

This might seem unfamiliar and strange for some of you, but you who know about your birth family or maybe even have had a chance to be reunited... for you I believe this post might be the most helpful...

Since my mum and dad sometimes can't relate or understand me no matter how hard they try, I do feel like my parents have had my first 24 years of my life I'd like too somehow offer the same for my birth family. But maybe not make a hasty promise to donate my next 24 years too them not completely and not straight away...

But since I havn't been able to build a lasting foundation neccessary too establish such a bond with my birth family I now feel like it's time, it's well overdue. Somehow I also feel like my birth family and especially my Omma and Appa are more important too me than my adoptive parents since my mum and dad always will have my past I somehow want too offer my Omma and Appa my future but maybe mostly in a symbolic way...

Also because of my reunion I now have faces to the unfamilar names which I didn't use to have while growing up. Now I sometimes don't know where I belong and at times I want too act in accordance with what I believe would make my birth family proud. My mum and dad will always be my parents but my Omma and Appa somehow although it might seem strange have a bigger place inside my heart...

Maybe you could say my Korean family now is more important too me than my mum and dad, it might feel like this because I feel I now have responsability to keep on building on our recently founded relationship and that I need to make more of an effort to keep that tie and promise. Well, that's not correct either but let's just say that my Korean birth family does mean more too me than I ever expected and that's what complicates things because my adoptive parents and my family has not lost any in significance but if they have I do believe it's either temporary or the way it always will be like from now on.

I for example am willing and dedicated to learn Korean just in order to be able too become more independent and to in the future hopefully be able to talk directly to my Korean birth family. However, it somehow don't feel right that even though I am an actual person in my birth family by now, we are still separated by language barriers, barriers which it is up too me to break down...

My siblings and birth parents are not expected to know English and they are not socially pressured to have to learn their daughter's native tongue. That would be really strange I suppose seeing that I am an ethnic Korean but culturally and socially a Swede.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle


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