Monday 4 July 2011

Bending Over Backwards

I'm bending over backwords... because I attempt to catch your love, get your approval and acceptance. It's a though road to take, and I often end up feeling bruised and discouraged. Maybe that's because of the fact that I'm trying to repair the damage or scar from adoption. (Honestly speaking,I'm not sure why or even if I am trying to repair something, since society's pressure and presumptions has made me feel unsure and a bit lost and confussed, and let's just say (for the record) that my adoptive parents is behaving really strange some days)...

And that seems to be something I can't achieve, at least not now, all by myself. With support or encouragement I'm afraid I've choosen the road headed straight towards failure.

As some of my know I recently decided to reclaim my original birthname (which in my case would be my personal name) and ever since I've seemed to have gained access to another set of common misunderstandings, prejudices and generalizations. Like the fact that people seems to assume that I can't speak Swedish or that my native language is Swedish. Hey, that doesn't work not with that name, does it ?

I am finally partially at ease (but only partially) you see I choose to take back my personal name instead of my surname... I'm honestly not sure what I should do in this question , a part of me would like to change my surname to simply because it was changed from the start. But then again I'm afraid what confussion that might cause for any possible future generations of mine. Although I've discovered that it easilly could be changed back...

A part of me wants to, but as my adoptive parents reacted and objected my first name change in the first place I'm sure they wouldn't be exactly pleased to hear about my thoughts of maybe changing my surname too.

Here's two major arguments:
  1. It's not like a change back to my birth parent's surname would nullify my adoption (certainly not)
  2. In Sweden it's actually legally possible to regain your original surname

Here's a question for you if you're an adoptee what would you prefer to change your personal name, your surname or both?

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

Related posts:

Final Rebirth

Finally

What's Seoul

Family Values
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2 comments:

  1. Anonymous7 July 2011 at 01:54

    Both.

    But then again, I haven't even changed my given name yet.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Elle7 July 2011 at 11:23

    I thin this name change idea is common among adoptees. But I'd say that without support, understanding and respect from your immediate family it's very difficult.

    (Adult) Adoptee's should be able to change their names back if that is what they want. Adoptive parents does however seem threatened by the thought... (Speaking from personal experience)

    But I do wish you the best of luck.

    ReplyDelete

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