First Person Plural

This is amazing yet touching documentary about identity as a Korean adoptee. I could identify with much o what the main person says. It comes in several parts and this is the first...

Personally, speaking if I could I would leave for Korea without blinking, you may think Sweden may be a paradise on earth and it is in some regards but depends on what you compare it with and also what it is that you're comparing. I've been unemployed for 2 years now, and I don't sit on my but doing nothing... Maybe it's wrong of me too expect that I'd actually be able to find some kind of job in Sweden. Maybe I should start looking elsewhere, maybe overseas... But then again the recession and unemployment may be a global thing especially in these days.

I honestly don't see my name change as having contributed or influenced the fact I have've been unlucky to find work. Many people these are unemplyed, but I'm starting too loose faith in lot of things.. Maybe I'm becoming an adult, but does adolescence and growing up have to mean to loose hope ?

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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안녕하세요

Small Rantings

My Korean Vocabulary

한녕하세요.
서는
한극사람도 스웨덴 사람어요.
 일곱명 사매들세요.
두명 남동생있어요.
여섯명 언니가들이세요..
스물다섯년있어요.
하고생이 없어요.
네명 보님들 있어요.
두명아버지아 도 두병 어머님아 이세요.
한마리 고영이있어요.

and of course many other Korean words that can be used to make up sentences... But I still don't know enough Korean words as I would like to... 한극어않일아어 없어요.

©Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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일요삼월스무일

Didn't Know

IU - Only I Didn't Know

내 방 에두층 에앞 층계 있. 

어제시한극어 험하어요.

I had the oppertunity to once speak on the phone with dongseang and made me promise to learn Korean. I'm trying to, really I am but maybe they expect too much from me... or maybe I have to learn it because it's what's expected , and especially so if have found your Korean family and want to develop a deeper relationship... Yet I'm not sure. 

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Korean Feminism

Korea is a society where a lot of Koreans are devoted Christians (as in Catholicism) and a true Catholic doesn't have premarital sex or if they do they choose to marry it's usually because of unwanted pregnancy. Interestingly enough Korean teens these days say that they already have sexual experience.

Divorced Korean women who wants to remarry are more likely to choose a bachelor rather then a divorcée.

Korean women usually only work until their marriage then they're supposed too stay at home to take care of the household; raise their children and care for their husband.They may return to work once the children start school, and Korean families usually only have two children. They prefer one of each, a daughter and a son. That kind of life sounds pretty boring to me and I'm not likely to accept such a life so easily at least.

South Korean women are apparently more picky when it comes to choosing a husband, they prefer their prospective husband to have a good job with a nice salary while North Korean defector women seems to marry someone disregarding their salary or work.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Knock Out

Knock Out - GD and Top

내일시험아어요. 그리고 그래서 오일공부해요. 

I just too think that it sometimes is a struggle to try to learn Korean, because I easily stop thinking that it's fun. I don't study Korean because it's fun, I study Korean because it's what's expected of me and if I don't do it my relationship with my Korean family might never improve... But I'm confident that I'll succeed this time around. 화이딩 ^^

I don't enjoy watching Korean dramas any longer, I think it's fine to watch them in Korea... but here, no. But sometimes I still listen to Korean music.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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It Makes Sense

Years ago I was relinquished for inter country adoption, I was only two days old. At the most;  not soon after, a couple in Sweden recieved information about a baby girl, that girl was me... they were asked if they would accept to become adoptive parents to that child. Naturally they agreed and it hadn't even gone two months until they recieved news about my arrival...

It was summer time and my prospective parents were about to leave on a camping trip, because it was their summer holidays... Instead they didn't go on a camping trip as planned they had to rush and buy all necessary things to prepare for my arrival.

My new parents raised me as if I was there own, I had nothing to complain about I know I was even spoiled especially as a young child... Maybe I still am at times... But even so my childhood was not easy, my teens was even worse . I never doubted for a second that my mum and dad loved me unconditionally, instead I doubted why my biological parents gave me up so easily.

I begun to think and talk about my first family when I was twelve and at mere 15 I decided it was time for me to try to relocate my birth parents and my older siblings, society however didn't understand but it didn't matter because my mum and dad supported me. At times they even seemed more anxious than I... I did recieve news that my mother and father still were alive and not only that they had been blessed with the longed for son. That news hurt quite a lot too be honest, this created an unexplained anger that I think I better can understand now...

I think it makes sense, 네, 아니요 ? I'm not saying that I'm angry at my Korean parents and not even my brother. Maybe I'm angry at the situation, not at any particular person...

More to come soon...


© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Friendships

안녕하세요

일요일 삼월스무일

I havn't heard from any one of my family members for a long time, but's all right. I know they are busy, three of them are married and they are all working. And they work 6 days a week not 5 like in Europe. Also the week starts on Sundays not Mondays.

• 일요일 
• 월요일
• 화요일
• 수요일
• 묵요일
• 금요일
• 토요일

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Small Rantings

Changes

It's a bit tricky with the Internet, free access is a good thing yet there's the insecurity of not knowing who get access to your information... A few days ago I learned about two people who had had their identities stolen; one had been put as a membor off different business boards while the other had their personal things shared on a company website and ultimately her good reputation was hurt.

Because my name is really unique I've decided to make another blog in my real name, my name could be rare and I may be the only one who has it.. in the entire world. And yeah, I did also get a new twitter account...

There may also come changes to blog as well, I guess you never can be too careful... The off change that my Korean family finds this blog and reads it still pretty slim, although they do know more English than ordinary Koreans. But that's always pros and cons about everything and if I hadn't had this vare rare name I can say for sure that I probably would prefer being anonymous online.

If you like the new address please send me an email at tasteofkimchi(at)gmail[dot]com ^^

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Tears Time

Short Introduction

Children's Needs or Parents Needs

Children's needs for parents should always be first priority over parents needs for children, or maybe adults needs for children to have parents...

©Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Excerpt


Infertility

Itaewon Freedom

Itaewon Freedom - J.Y Park

This song is really cool I think and it seems to be influenced by the 80s or something. And I've been to Itaewon many, many times. ^^

홍대를 신촌 학고 명동 한데세.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Small Rantings

눈이요해요.
홈없어요.
겨울 었어요.

I thought it ly don't had become spring by now, but guess not since it's been snowing since the weekend. So winter is back. I was thinking the other day that I really don't reflect over the fact that I'm not Swedish (my etnicity that is) , it's not like I ignore it or anything but I don't spend every minute of the day thinking about. Of course I know it, I see it and is reminded of it every time I look in the mirror, as well as every time I meet strangers , people I don't know, people that aren't familiar with me. I think it sort of is funny and sometimes annoying whenever I happen to meet an immigrant (someone who doesn't speak Swedish or hasn't been raised here).

And most people that may just have meet me assume I'm a Japanese person not a Korean and not even a Swede. 일본 사람 없어요. 한국 사람도 스웨덴 사남. 입양아 사람.

I wonder if there are anybody else that have encountered the same experience (maybe not on a daily basis or every day but more than once at least)....

© Elle, Taste of Kimchi

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Short Introduction

I am a Korean adoptee, I was born with jaundice and treated in hospital and relinquished for adoption when I was only an infant. I spent a couple of months in an orphanage and was adopted to Sweden when I was 2,5 months old. I was raised with a younger (adoptive) brother , so we're not really really related. But if you ask my parents they can verify that we thought just as real siblings would and yes, I love him as he is my real brother. The place were I grew up was a Caucasian neighbourhood, so there weren't many other KADs or even adoptees around. It meant that I stock out a bit while growing up and I was occassionally teased.

I decided to look for my first family at age 15, I was interested in finding my first parents and to know who I resembled if any. Yet I knew there would be a slight chance that my parents wouldn't be alive back then. But they were and I soon established contact with my siblings.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Ma Boy - Sistar19

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Tears, Time And Thoughts

When I first started this blog I had already familiarized myself with blogging, so it wasn't something completely new.And already back then I HAD established contact with my Korean family BUT I had yet to meet them face to face...

My first year or so I was the steroetypical adoptee; angry,sad, and feeling betrayed. It's taken me a lot time and many, many tears and thoughts to come too the place where I am now. Metaphorically speaking that is, I used to have this friend another adoptee but not KAD and things started to go down hill once I decided I wanted met my birth family... I have done so twice now and while I discovered my goal in life, the same friend could no longer understand my thoughts, opinions or wishes.

Now when I think about it I think I reminded this person of their own thoughts and whishes, if not directly maybe unconciously if anything else. My own thoughts about identity and adoption became difficult for this friend to listen to, and more importantly I found something that this friend might never find (if they don't decide to do something to look for information ) anyways we're no longer friends. Who needs a friend who turn their back on you when you need them the most ?

I've realized that it's ok to feel love for my first family and the one I live with, it is even allright for me to have the goal of moving to Korea. It's doable - if there's a will there's way and there's definitely a will. What's so wrong about wanting to move Korea when other people move to Norway or settle down in Spain !?

Why should my dream be considered as unreachable when in fact I do have every reason to because I have family there. Yes I call them family - we share the same flesh and blood so that makes us family. And also I feel like I've been robbed of things with my sisters especially and I would like to get to know them all better and the only way that would be a real possibility is if I would move to Korea. I'm lucky because my mum and dad totally support me in this goal they even say they UNDERSTAND and are willing to help me realize my dream.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Himalaya Poems

As I begun reading the Nobel Prize Literature I after a while discovered that I do in fact like to read poetry as well as writing my own poems. I don't do that as often as I used to though, but happens... I was positively surprised once I learned about Korean poet Ko Un.

A Slower pace, a somewhat slower pace will do.Of a sudden should it start to rain, let yourself get soaked.An old friend the rain. One thing alone is beautiful; setting off.The world's to a waste, to live in a single place, or three or four.Walk on and on, until the sun sets, with your old accomplice, shadow, late as ever.If the day clouds over go on anyways, regardless.

  The Pilgrimage, Ko Un.

There are stories. There are people telling stories and people listening to them. The room is full of the breath of the stories . That is enough. 

Stories, Ko Un.

I  really enjoy reading any kind of poetry but so far Stories and The Pilgrimage by Ko Un have become two of my favorites.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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SOS

Where are those happy days, they seem to hard to find
I try to reach for you but you have closed your mind
Whatever happened to our love ? I wish I understood
It used to feel so nice, it used to be so good
So when you're near, darling can't yoyu hear me SOS
The love you gave me, nothing else can save me SOS

When you're gone how can I even try to go on?
When you're gone, well I try, how can I carry on ?
You seem so far but you are standing near
You make me feel alive but something died I fear
I really tried to make it out I wish I understood

http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/sos-lyrics-abba/5457bc980fc4f27648256bc6001f701b

해피호이트데이^^

안녕히계세요!

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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안녕하세요!

Being adopted from another country is complicated enough , but add the fact that you've managed to find and reunite with your first family might make people question you. It's true that I have family relation in Korea and a larger one at that, and it's also true that -I'd like to move there in the future like for real not just as a tourist or on holidays. No, I want the real thing.

And I'm certain that my family shares that feeling of wanting to get to know me, because we're family and share the same parents by blood. But I would never take advantage of their love and hospitality. Once I did that for like a month, but to ask them to take me in for a longer period  is not something I'd do because even though I'm their younger sibling they have no legal responsibility to care for me for one and I'm an adult and have been one for many years now. I don't expect them to support me economically, I have my own mum and dad who I know will help me in times of need.

But I love my mother, father older sisters and younger brother more than any words ever could say. But I guess this sort of relationship might not be so common, at least I've never heard of one... Maybe it's natural and not what the first adoptive parents imagined that life would become. Having two of everything is a blessing, but it doesn't seem to be that common among people in the real world. And it's complicated because you are family, but you might not speak the same lanuage or share the same costums and traditions and more importantly there are no legally binding ties that makes your first family responsible for you. But even so this relationship is just as important and real as my other ones.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Banana

Banana - G.NA

This song seems to be more of a commerical for food rather then a pop song but maybe I'm wrong..

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Female Nobel Writers

Selma Lagerlof , Gösta Berlings Saga, 1909. It's a story about the deposed minister Gösta Berling who is offered refugee at Ekeby and saved by the mistress of Ekeby.

Grazia Deledda, 1926, writes about life on her childhood's island.

Sigrid Undset, 1928, mostly known for her novel about the Heroine Kristine Lavransdottir, who lived during the Middle Ages in Norway.

Pearl Buck, 1938,  author of The Good Earth is a story about family life in a Chinese family prior to the WW2. It revolves around the Chinese man called Wang Lung.

Gabriela Mistral, 1945, Los Sonetas de La Muerta, writes poetry in Spanish. Supposedly the most gifted poet in whole of South America.

Nelly Sachs, German Jewish poet aworded the Prize in 1966 for her poetry.

Nadine Gordimer, South African writer, influenced by Apartheid in her writings, aworded the Prize in 1991.

Toni Morrison, 1993,African American writer, writes about African American peoples lives. Mostly known for her book Bluest Eye.

Wislawa Symborska,1996, Polish poet. Szukum slowa.

Elfriede Jelinek, 2004, Austrian writer who is influenced by Feminism in her writings one of her books is The Land Of The Green Plums.

Doris Lessing, 2007, The Grass Is Singing, about racisism social stigmas, class society, power, marriage and female awakening.

Herta Müller, 2009, Roman German writer influenced by her own life writes about German minorities lifes in Communism Rumania. Niederungen & Drückunder Tango, portrays life in the village during the German occupation.

Out of all these female authors so far my favorites have been ; Pearl Buck, Gabriela Mistral, Elfriede Jelinek, Doris Lessing and Herta Müller.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Wrestling

씨금, is known as a national sport in Korea. It became widely known and practiced during Joseon Dynasty. In the olden days it was a popular entertainment around Dano and the typical prize for the winner was supposeldy an ox.

The first modern competion was held in 1912 at Dangsu theater in Seoul, the Pan Chuson Ssierum Federation was founded in 1947, and weight classes was incorportated in 1967. These days there are two different styles of wrestling known as right side and left side wrestling. (Right side wrestling style is more popular in Gyunggi and Honam province while the left side wrestling style is predominent in Hamgyung, Gyungsang and Choonchong province).

Korean traditional wrestling takes place in a sandcovered ring and the contestants wear a belt.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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It's not impossible it's what I want and I'll accomplish that because it's my purpose of life. I don't want anything as much and there's nothing that is as important to me. I might not have known my Korean family all my life but I knew about them since I was very very young. And they have always held a special place inside my heart.

I know that a move abroad means making sacrifices but if it means I'll be known as a pabo then so be it it's a price I have to pay in order to get what I want out of life. I guess it comes down to priorities if anything and moving to Korea is undoubtfully on the first place although it's a longterm goal but it doesn't matter.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Lonely - 2NE1

I do not dreed loneliness, I'd like to call it time for myself instead. I like my independe for too much and what's more I also enjoy doing many things on my own. Like exercising in the gym, going to the cinema and many other things... Maybe I'm a lonewolf because I'm a thinker - a free spirit

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Do It Do It - Solbi

This song seems to be very positive and I guess I certainly could use some cheerful joy and laughter.

 And besides being a KAD, and reunited adoptee I have many other interests as well. I did enjoy baking quite a lot until recently, I recently swithed the baking to regula exercising instead. I love reading and books, but I only read novels in English (not Swedish) although Swedish is my mother tongue. I love listen to music as well, and if I'm inspired I might create a painting or embrodery or even write some poetry. Oh, and I like cats but my cat is crazy, he has a broken tail and tends to bite and scratch a lot.

© Taste Of Kimchi, Elle

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Korean Blog Top List

Unfortunately the Koreanblogtoplist is not around any longer, the blogs may still be there but the list is not. ( I'd learned this some time ago when I tried to access the list.... ) I have a smaller selection in my blogroll of a few Korean blogs, If you'd like to get on it you could email me if you're not already on it.  ^^

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Friendships And Reunions

Sadly it seems that sometimes don't mix, I learned it the hard way... Most of my friends since my teens and young adulthood have not been ethnic Swedes but mostly immigrants, exchange students and adoptees. It's not that I have something against Swedes honestly I don't. Why it's like I can't really say.

Recently though, as I was preparing for my first reunion trip, some of friendships begun to develop into something that was less like friendship if anything and it was out my control. You, see I used to share the rejection from adoption as well as the challenge of not knowing, not knowing anything about my roots my birth or my first parents. But that suddenly changed as I begun planning my first reunion back, I begun to talk about my first family and the fears connected to it. People suddenly turned their back on me, stopped returning my phone calls and even stopped greeting me whenver they saw me. To me that is not what a friendship is all about, turning your back on someone just because you feel it's uncomfortable or whatever is not something you do. Not even you consider yourself a really close friend.

This post is about a recent friendship that I found during my University studies and who recently ended because it was heading in the wrong direction. And maybe it's a mistake made from both of our parts...

 Sadly to say, I don't miss those friendships anymore it's true, the friendships that I chose to leave behind for different reasons. Not the new ones I'm still working on... I guess I probably offended some of my readers. Sorry...

I can't just ignore what big life change my reunion meant for me, and it's not likely that I will stop thinking, wondering or talking about them. I love them, each and every one they're my family. Don't ask me to sacrifice that part of my life, just keep a friendship. That's not fare...

Either accept that my priorities and goals have changed or rather move on to something new. If people can't accept me for who I am then what's the point of sticking around, trying to make an effort to create a lasting band...

And as we all know there are many different dimensions to a friendship, it's not about just one person calling the shots. Friends don't have to share something in common, what it takes is respect, acceptance, loyality and trust and also occational pieces of humble pie...  Take me for example I either have to consume an incredible amount of humble pie or learn how to manage my frankness of always syaing what's on my mind regardless of situation or the people I'm around... It's both a blessing and a curse I suppose.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Korean Dialects

Just like any other language ; Swedish or English the Korea language does of course also have different regional dialects. I witnessed that firsthand when I lived with my onnis a while back, I didn't know it at the time but they apparently spoke some Gyeongsang dialect and when I lived there I carefully tried to memorize a phare here and there. It worked more then fine when I was with my Korean family, but when I was with other native Koreans they either got very surprised or didn't understand what I meant...

• Standard dialect - here and there
• Seoul dialect - Seoul, Incheon, Gyeonggi (Kaesong as in North Korea)
• Py´õngan dialect - Pyongan & Pyongan region ( Chagang as in North Korea)
• Chungcheon dialect - Daejeon, Chungcheon region
• Gangwon dialect - Gangwon-do (Kangwon as in North Korea)
• Gyeongsang dialect - Busan, Daegu, Ulsan and Gyeongsang region 
• Hamgyõng dialect - Rasõn, Hamgyõng region, (Ryanggang as in North Korea)
• Hwanghae dialect - (Hwanghae region as in North Korea)
• Jeju dialect - Jeju Island 
• Jeolla dialect - Gwangju & Jeolla region

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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I Am The Best - 2NE1

Don't let anyone try to tell you that you're no good. You're the best, we should tro to always tell ourselves that but still remember to be humble. There are no perfect or flawless people anywhere. 

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Some Korean Law

I happened to watch an American show depicting serious crimes the other day and this time the crime was about parental child kidnapping. The couple was an interracial couple the man was Korean and the American and they had a son together, but their marriage didn't last. When the woman seeked divorce and later remarried the ex husband secretly plotted to take their child out of USA and back to his native Korea.

And South Korea is one of the countries that hasn't signed the Hague convention still today in 2012, and by not doing that the country has not agreed to aid the US in case of international child kidnappings... Luckily for this woman she never gave up and after some careful planing she was able to be reunited with her son and they could safely return to the US.

Given the fact that the man was a Korean he would be entitled to custody of the child since he by Korean standards would be the head of the family whereby the woman and his ex wife would have little protection by the law. The man was in fact Korean by birth but adopted to America so he was an ibyang and a KAD.FYI, I don't claim to be an expert on Korean law, let's just say I'd definitely think twice about starting a family with a native Korean...


© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Elizabeth I

Elizabeth I was one out of Henry VIII's two daughters, and her mother was the infamous Anne Boleyn Henry VIII's second wife. Unlike her halft sister Mary I, Elizabeth I didn't share her half sister's Catholic faith as Mary's mother was Catherine of Aragon, a Spanish Princess.

What's so remarkable about Elizabeth I is that she never choose to marrry although she may have contemplated it... Her half sister Mary I did marry Phillip of Spain in attempt to take power from her half sister perhaps. Furthermore Elizabeth'd reign become long lasting and people like Thomas Seymore and other people would play an important role for the Elizabethan culture.

She also managed to win over Spain when the Spanish armadda, tried to conquer Britain. She truely was a remarkable queen that seemed to have understood what it would have meant if she was to marry. A marriage for a royal person wasn't anything that would have been taken lightly and it would most likely have consequences that would affect the politics of that time. So maybe she was a clever queen in that way...

When Elizabeth I died in 1603 it marked the end of Tudor House reign of power over the English throne as Mary Queen of Scots and thus her cousin died , her son James I of Scotland became the new ruler over Great Britain as well.

I guess I consider her a rolemodel because she never married, in a time where it was expected of daughters to marry. Yet because she never married it meant that she never got an heir to royal throne, which made her distant relative the next monarch in the Tudor house.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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 Quotes