사랑해요 아빠

A few weeks ago I believed I've seen my Appa in a movie and I had too re-watch it many, many times. I'm almost certain that it was you that I saw, I recognized some things that I think that I still remember about you. But Oppa if it were you why where you crying and why did you look sad? I suppose I'll never know if it really was you... oh, hold on is your Appa a movie star or Korean actor? Well, the answer should be pretty obvious but I will actually let the answer to that question be unanswered and let you believe that he is if that is what you really believe. I know the truth though, maybe I'll tell you one day... until then.. keep guessing.

Once when I was with you and Omma I touched your hair just like a little child, I know it's probably hard to believe that a grown woman in her twenties acts like a small child. Appa, if you only knew how desperatly I want to learn Korean so that I finally could tell you how I feel. I imagine my first words would be:
 사랑해요
아빠 Saranghe Appa which imagine would be similar to a small child's very first words... And of course Appa is the Korean word for Dad and saranghae would be love although it pronouned like saranghaeyo.

I felt you and Omma's hair because I didn't know how I should express myself in a way that you would be able to understand. I desperately wants to learn Korean, even if its hard I'll try my very best too learn, because Oppa there is so much I'd like to tell you. Right now I dont know enough Korean and you can't understand me when I speak. I recall that I wrote something down in a notebook and Omma immediately became interested and wanted to know what I wrote but she must have been disapointed once she realized that I wrote in a foreign language in Roman letters.

The frustration that I felt over the impossability of being understood and being able to understand, 
아빠 Appa 아빠Oppa엄마 Omma, 언니 Onni's and 동생 Dongsaeng's. Honestly even my much younger 조카딸 Jokkadal's  nieces could communicate better.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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To Omma

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