이 십 년

이 십 년. Twenty years, two decades. That's how many years I've spent being raised in another family, that's how many years it took for my birth family to erase the memory of me and my place in the family. All of those years, months, weeks, days and hours should have made me forget where I came from but because I knew of them, my other family I was raised in their shadow. They were of course not aware of this not until just a few years ago, that's when they learned of me. I no longer have a place in my birth family, if I ever go back with whatever intention there's no place in the family to reclaim. All of those lost years has made that happen, my birth family lost two decades with me. They didn't get to see my first tooth, watch my first steps, here my first word or introduce me to my older siblings.

That was not to be , but all may not be lost. I am still here, alive which means there's a little bit of hope left and time to get to know my birth family, to really get to know them as seperate people.
I guess that's all that remain... Why?

Because it doesn't seem fare to demand that they will treat me as one of their own after two decades I am not a young child anymore. I'm an adult I should be able to make it on my own but I'm still their daughter and sister. Despite everything I fulfilled my lifelong dream and I only wonder where I go from here. What's to happen next, but I know my birth family loves me and they certainly are very proud of me their European sister.

But there's still the fact that I wasn't raised in their culture I don't really know their costumes and traditions... That certainly complicates it a little more.

I'm just trying not to get my hopes up too much, still trying to stand firm because honestly I'm aware of the fact that as the day comes closer my expectations seem to grow... I need to remind myself of what I like to call the harsh reality, sort of like a smaller reality cheack. But of course life's not really that simple it's not just black and white...

And by the way just to clarify the parents that created me are Koreans but I was raised in Sweden by a Swedish couple. So I assume that this post might possess qualities that are more or less unKorean...

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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