I'm too young for this, I can't take it anymore. I'm too young to deal with all of this, how much can you expect of me !? I'm too young for everything, I'm too young for my life. I'm not ready for my family, I want out now. I'm not mature enough to handle my birth family, I want it all to end.
But fine, I'm not too young to live I just think I'm way to immature for my own life !?
I'm basically too young to live, live my messed up life. Would it be allright to give up your birthfamily ? I guess it's not but it seems like my family can't handle my birth family and it creates such tension and friction that all ends up on me. Put the blame on me, it seems fare I was the one that was adopted. I didn't choose it but who cares!? I'm only nagging and complaining, right !?
Maybe everything would be better if it hadn't been for me, you would still have one child left. A good one, the perfect one. Put everything on him, don't let me carry the burden of your failures in life. I'm too young for that, it's not fare.
You don't seem to care about me any longer, I'm all alone... I'm starting to scare myself.... I'm so feed up with everything. I wish I never would have been adopted or even born in the first place. What's the point ? What's the point of everything ? Would anybody miss if I'm gone ...? I'm actually not sure not anymore, I used to be. I used to believe that at least somebody would, but now I don't now anymore.
Sometimes I think I'm too young to be in reunion with my birth family, it's not that I don't want it, regret it or would take it back... It just may be that I still don't know enough about life, I think I'm still too naïve sometimes, which makes it even harder to be in active reunion with my birth family. I think I need to mature or grow up...
Here's a thought
dear birth family I really love you and treasure you and I would like to get to know you. But unfortunately I think I'm too young right now, I need to mature. I'll get back to you when I feel ready probably in about 10 years time.
To sum this entry up I'll end by saying that I think I'm far too young to get married; settle down. I'm too young to be a mother: I think I'm even too young for love. Basically I might only be old enough to graduate from university. But that's at least something, funny thing is that I actually is getting more and more stressed since people in my own age or even younger already might have settled down and maybe given birth not once but twice or more... Maybe I'm old although I feel way to immature for my own good...
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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You know it's very normal for an adoptee to feel like this and to want to put it all on the backburner while some living gets done.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you are in such a difficult and overwhelming situation. I truly hope that life improves for you soon. I am also 25 and still feel too young in so many ways as well. Still so much learning to do which is both humbling and frustrating.
ReplyDelete@ Von, I think you are right that it's part of the deal so to say. I never asked for this but sometimes I wish I could remove all the things about me that makes an adoptee... But then I wouldn't be me, but I'm more then just an adoptee, I'm a human being too.
ReplyDelete