I used to complain daily about not being able to eat food without gaining weight, but it seems that I managed to lose a lot of weight while in Korea despite eating a lot of carbs. I think I lost between 22 and 11 pounds in just six weeks. And I didn't notice it myself even though my clothes were getting bigger, I actually thought they feel of because I had gained weight...
I have made a deal with myself not to get married before 25 years has passed, by then !'m 50 which seems like a nice age to settle down. I'm scared to fall inlove because you become dependent of one person, lose your independence and things. And most importantly you open yourself up to rejection and hurt I don't want that in my life. I'm not ready for it, not yet. It's better to try to keep your distance so that people can't get close to you that way you don't risk getting hurt but may end up alone.
I dress like a Westerner in very modern clothes which isn't really socially accepted in Korea, because they show to much flesh and usually are way to short. But just because I dress a certain way doesn't mean that I'm an easy girl or young woman whatever you prefer.
One of my biggest fears is to end up in an unplanned pregnancy and right now that would be a big crisis. Because I don't have a job or college degree yet and getting married just because you might be pregnant doesn't seem like a good idea. I don't want to repeat my mother's destiny by having to put up my own baby for adoption or having to go through an abortion. So I will not put myself in situations that might lead to that , I rather wait until I know for sure if I'll be getting married...
Like that ever would happen... Like someone really would be interested in me, in that way. Yes, that way the mature grownup scary way. Not likely to happen, not in a million years.
I might be able to go back to Korea sooner than I thought, there's still a few things left to sort out though. And no, I havn't told any of birth family members that I made it back to Sweden safe and sound...
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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