I think I greif again unconciously mostly, and it doesn't feel completely 100 % allright to do so. But I can't stop it, I still do. I greif for the fact that I never will be a real sister or daughter in my birth family, I greif for the fact I never will get to know my real birthdate, I greif because being in reunion with them still reminds me of my adoption. I greif because my adoption erased a language I otherwise would have learned as my mother tongue, now because of adoption my native language isn't the same as my birth family's. It's very different which means I have to learn Korean language in order to communicate with them. I greif for that. I greif for all the things my birth parents lost with me, my first birthday, first step, first tooth, first laugh, first word basically everything included in a child's life. They missed out on all of that, I wish I could return all of those things to them but I can't. Therefore I greif.
Being 25 means that some of my friends already have begun walking down a different path in life; some even younger than I are married since long and already parents. Most of the times it seems like they have married their High School sweetheart. I guess it can be nice to have someone that loves you and supports you, but I wonder if you really can be certain that young love is eternal ? And by the way I'm not desperately looking for a man, I'm just not their yet... Whatever you may think of me I know that it couldn't be fare besides love is just a fake... it doesn't matter what they say... and don't try to prove me wrong ... just saying.
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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In My Heart
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