How are you doing, I hope all are well. I am extremely sorry for all the commotion , drama and worry that I might have created. To be fare I've never experienced something like that before not even close, of course I did met you two years ago with my Swedish parents but can't compare to this latest experience.
Honestly speaking, I behaved and may have acted out of character because I felt so strange and strong feelings and reacted to every impression on the spot and very differently than I ever imagined. I hope there's a way for you to forgive me for all the heartache, pain and tears I might have caused.
I hope you still think of me as your sister, and maybe that we one day will be able to see each other again. If it's going to take the rest of my life, I'm determined to show you how devoted I am to each and everyone. My only brother, my six older sisters and my nieces and nephews as well as brother-in-laws. I love you all equally as much and I hope I havn't screved up too much.
Hoping that 2012 will be a better year, and I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me. If it will mean I have to read 1000 books about Korea or study Hangul and Korea for 25 years I'll do it on the spot without as much as a blink, if I only could be promised that it would help us understand each other and grow closer.
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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Monday, 9 January 2012
Sunday, 8 January 2012
Love Dovey
T -ara's latest and very cool music video for the song Lovey Dovey.
It's very different compared to ordinary music videos, it's definitely more violent and seems to be a bit Americanized because of it. But it's still refreshing despite the violence and everything,at least I think so.
(c) Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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Saturday, 7 January 2012
Let The Dancing Begin
The search has ended now, I've found what I've searched for for many many years now. Even though things didn't turn out the way I thought it would I'm ever so grateful that I found my Korean family and that they seemed to embrace me wholeheartedly and welcome me into the family. However I may have thought that I would found something else, that it would feel if not easier differently than what it did initially.
But I no longer feel lonely not in the same way and I'm tremendously proud of each and every one and I love them just as much as I love my later family. Now when the search has ended, I have found my inner peace the dancing can begin instead. And I guess we've already danced for a couple of months now, and I'll keep dancing from now on maybe for the rest of my life.
(c) Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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But I no longer feel lonely not in the same way and I'm tremendously proud of each and every one and I love them just as much as I love my later family. Now when the search has ended, I have found my inner peace the dancing can begin instead. And I guess we've already danced for a couple of months now, and I'll keep dancing from now on maybe for the rest of my life.
(c) Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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Friday, 6 January 2012
Life Quotes II
A man sooner or later discovers that he is the master-gardener of his soul, the director of his life. - James Allen
I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. - George Bernard Shaw
Life is a series of collisions with the future; it is not the sum of what we have been, but what we yearn to be. - Jose Ortega y Gassett© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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Thursday, 5 January 2012
Then And Now
Who is this little baby ? Well, the little baby is actually me, believe it or not.
This is me as an infant before I became an ugly duckling..... Picture from 1986. I think I resemble my appa a lot here on this picture...
Would you have guessed that that tiny infant would have been me as a newborn baby ? Well, anyways this picture is of me now.
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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Wednesday, 4 January 2012
Mijn Oudere Zus
It's a bit funny or maybe not funny, strange more than anything yet understandable.... that I seem to have a deeper relationship with my remaining onnis in Korean than what I have with the sister that I literarily could visit the next day since she lives in Europe with her European husband and children. I have nieces that are half Koreans.
As far as I know nobody from my Korean family has never been unfair to my European brother-in-law and my siblings and parents love all the children in our big family. My family are poor (by Western standards) and the hierarchy placed our sister's European brother-in-law high up on the scale. I can't imagine what a big responsibility that must be, but to willingly agree to take on such a responsability there has to something more than just responsability. I guess that's wahat's called love.
Life is never easy, and I assume more than know that being an interracial couple coming from different cultures that have different customs and traditions most be challenging. And then there's the language barrier but love is like the ultimate prize right ? I wish I also would be able to find that kind of love, but love can come in many different shapes but I guess it would help I were more romantic but I'm not.
내가 어머니가 사강.
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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As far as I know nobody from my Korean family has never been unfair to my European brother-in-law and my siblings and parents love all the children in our big family. My family are poor (by Western standards) and the hierarchy placed our sister's European brother-in-law high up on the scale. I can't imagine what a big responsibility that must be, but to willingly agree to take on such a responsability there has to something more than just responsability. I guess that's wahat's called love.
Life is never easy, and I assume more than know that being an interracial couple coming from different cultures that have different customs and traditions most be challenging. And then there's the language barrier but love is like the ultimate prize right ? I wish I also would be able to find that kind of love, but love can come in many different shapes but I guess it would help I were more romantic but I'm not.
내가 어머니가 사강.
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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Tuesday, 3 January 2012
Some Things Stick
Although it happened several years ago I can still remember all those hurtful words and comments and the laughing and the smiles. I was bullied in school which probably is why I these days see myself with their eyes. I've tried to look passed it but it's hard, things from ones childhood can really determine what person you become as an adult.
I know I'm not the only one that was bullied as a child, it's really easy to be when you're another ethnicity because you stick out you can never hide or just melt in. Then of course people seemed to bother quite a lot about me being adopted, told me things like I should go back to where I came from and that my mum and dad wasn't really my real parents.
I know children can be cruel not just because they always say what's on their mind, I wish more people could be like that more honest and not beat around the bush. A child can act a certain way and still become a nice person as an adult I know that. But even so I still have a hard time getting passed all that's in the past because honestly speaking it made me feel very sad. Like I didn't deserve things, now I know better at least that's what I try to tell myself. I was born therefore I deserve everything my heart desires and I shouldn't have to feel bad about it. Yet people are surprised when they see me in person but that's just because they don't know about my childhood I suppose.
That's one reason why I liked my stay in Korea and meeting all other KADS from all over the world, we understood each other. But I never told them about my childhood or anything like that but still I felt happy, calm and secure.
So no I don't really like Sweden or at least not the place where was raised, maybe because it's sort of like a Swedish suburb. And that's another reason for wanting to move abroad back to my birth country even though I don't expect things to be easier. But still...
Adopted children don't choose their new parents or where they grow up, they basically have no say.
Sorry but that's the cold hard truth don't like it, then don't keep reading...
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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I know I'm not the only one that was bullied as a child, it's really easy to be when you're another ethnicity because you stick out you can never hide or just melt in. Then of course people seemed to bother quite a lot about me being adopted, told me things like I should go back to where I came from and that my mum and dad wasn't really my real parents.
I know children can be cruel not just because they always say what's on their mind, I wish more people could be like that more honest and not beat around the bush. A child can act a certain way and still become a nice person as an adult I know that. But even so I still have a hard time getting passed all that's in the past because honestly speaking it made me feel very sad. Like I didn't deserve things, now I know better at least that's what I try to tell myself. I was born therefore I deserve everything my heart desires and I shouldn't have to feel bad about it. Yet people are surprised when they see me in person but that's just because they don't know about my childhood I suppose.
That's one reason why I liked my stay in Korea and meeting all other KADS from all over the world, we understood each other. But I never told them about my childhood or anything like that but still I felt happy, calm and secure.
So no I don't really like Sweden or at least not the place where was raised, maybe because it's sort of like a Swedish suburb. And that's another reason for wanting to move abroad back to my birth country even though I don't expect things to be easier. But still...
Adopted children don't choose their new parents or where they grow up, they basically have no say.
Sorry but that's the cold hard truth don't like it, then don't keep reading...
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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Monday, 2 January 2012
I Do I Do I Do
Abba did this New Years song many years ago but I think it would have been to obvious to start of the new year with that. And remember, there's no hidden message in this songs, there just songs nothing else.
Love me or leave me, make your choice but believe me
I love you
I do I do I do I do I do
I can't conceal it , don't you see can't you feel it?
Don't you too ?
I do I do I do I do I do
Oh, I've been dreamning through my lonely past
Now I just made it I found you at last
So come on now, let's try it, I love you can't deny it
´cos it's true
I do I do I do I do I do
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/a/abba/i+do+i+do+i+do+i+do+i+do_20002884.html
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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Love me or leave me, make your choice but believe me
I love you
I do I do I do I do I do
I can't conceal it , don't you see can't you feel it?
Don't you too ?
I do I do I do I do I do
Oh, I've been dreamning through my lonely past
Now I just made it I found you at last
So come on now, let's try it, I love you can't deny it
´cos it's true
I do I do I do I do I do
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/a/abba/i+do+i+do+i+do+i+do+i+do_20002884.html
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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Sunday, 1 January 2012
Pyeongang Guy Delise
Happy New Year , 새해 복 많이 받으세요 ^^ !!!
Pyeongang, Guy Delise a book about North Korea.
Reading is one of my passions in life although I have many.You can never learn too much or read too many books... At least that's what I think.
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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Pyeongang, Guy Delise a book about North Korea.
Reading is one of my passions in life although I have many.You can never learn too much or read too many books... At least that's what I think.
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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Saturday, 31 December 2011
Two Sides
I confess I used to feel jelaous at my younger brother (the one closest to me in age) but I never hated him. In the beginning I was jelaous of the fact that he was able to stay with our birth family, while I wasn't because I basically was a daughter and not the longed for son. I know that's the truth, but it wasn't my birth parents decision...
These days I feel pity for him because he is the one that has a huge responsability resting on his shoulders and the future and wellbeing of my birth family lies in his hands... How can I ever be jelaous that !? I guess I'll always struggle with some feelings of jelaousy because the rest of birth siblings were all able to stay and be raised by our birth parents. They all know each other I don't know them.
Me and this brother each share the same faith, I think I was born so that he could be born...I was abandoned to make place for him. I don't resent my brother in any way, we are each a part of the same faith but from different perspectives....
I love them despite of everything and maybe this makes me a bad person... but then again what would you expect... I easily could have become a feminist but I don't like to call myself one even though I may share some feminism opinions. Why is it so that you're expected to marry once you've found true love....
Yet I feel a strange urge and determination to leave Sweden and move to Korea very soon, as soon as I finished everything I need to finish in Sweden. My adventure is not to leave an ordinary life as an average Joe with 2,2 children, husband, Volvo, mansion and summer house. Oh no, so don't ask me to make you any promises because I don't intend to make my future life in Sweden. Korea was my pre life and past, Sweden is only the present Korea will become my future because I want to be. Simple as that.
This îs my last entry for 2011, see you soon in 2012. ^^
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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These days I feel pity for him because he is the one that has a huge responsability resting on his shoulders and the future and wellbeing of my birth family lies in his hands... How can I ever be jelaous that !? I guess I'll always struggle with some feelings of jelaousy because the rest of birth siblings were all able to stay and be raised by our birth parents. They all know each other I don't know them.
Me and this brother each share the same faith, I think I was born so that he could be born...I was abandoned to make place for him. I don't resent my brother in any way, we are each a part of the same faith but from different perspectives....
I love them despite of everything and maybe this makes me a bad person... but then again what would you expect... I easily could have become a feminist but I don't like to call myself one even though I may share some feminism opinions. Why is it so that you're expected to marry once you've found true love....
Yet I feel a strange urge and determination to leave Sweden and move to Korea very soon, as soon as I finished everything I need to finish in Sweden. My adventure is not to leave an ordinary life as an average Joe with 2,2 children, husband, Volvo, mansion and summer house. Oh no, so don't ask me to make you any promises because I don't intend to make my future life in Sweden. Korea was my pre life and past, Sweden is only the present Korea will become my future because I want to be. Simple as that.
This îs my last entry for 2011, see you soon in 2012. ^^
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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