Two Sides

I confess I used to feel jelaous at my younger brother (the one closest to me in age) but I never hated him. In the beginning I was jelaous of the fact that he was able to stay with our birth family, while I wasn't because I basically was a daughter and not the longed for son. I know that's the truth, but it wasn't my birth parents decision...

These days I feel pity for him because he is the one that has a huge responsability resting on his shoulders and the future and wellbeing of my birth family lies in his hands... How can I ever be jelaous that !? I guess I'll always struggle with some feelings of jelaousy because the rest of birth siblings were all able to stay and be raised by our birth parents. They all know each other I don't know them.

Me and this brother each share the same faith, I think I was born so that he could be born...I was abandoned to make place for him. I don't resent my brother in any way, we are each a part of the same faith but from different perspectives....

 I love them despite of everything and maybe this makes me a bad person... but then again what would you expect... I easily could have become a feminist but I don't like to call myself one even though I may share some feminism opinions. Why is it so that you're expected to marry once you've found true love....

Yet I feel a strange urge and determination to leave Sweden and move to Korea very soon, as soon as I finished everything I need to finish in Sweden. My adventure is not to leave an ordinary life as an average Joe with 2,2 children, husband, Volvo, mansion and summer house. Oh no, so don't ask me to make you any promises because I don't intend to make my future life in Sweden. Korea was my pre life and past, Sweden is only the present Korea will become my future because I want to be. Simple as that.

This îs my last entry for 2011, see you soon in 2012. ^^

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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