Daughter Or Friend

Daughter 딸 (tal) or friend 진구 (chingu). No matter what happens I guess 아버치 and 어머니
always will think of me and treat me as a child or maybe even toddler... Because I guess I'm a toddler to them at best, innocent and helpless in their minds (even though I'm 25 by now and have been considered as an adult for at least 7 years) by my mum and dad. I'll always be a child for my Swedish parents too, of course but I no longer need their permission or approval. I certainly wish and imagine I would ask them for input my future spouse, but I wouldn't have to obey their every word. That's the difference I guess. I am free to make my own mistakes and decisions.

For my siblings it's a different story they have been raised by our rural Korean parents, which means they have to obey their every word. And the younger siblings have to follow the older ones orders, and of course it's our father who has the final say inside our family and outside it's their husbands.

Although me and my birth siblings always will be siblings for better or worse , I realize and fear more than predict that we never will know each other like real siblings since we don't really know each other. They have no clue of my thoughts and opinions and certainly doesn't know of my dreams and goal in life. It sounds harsh , I know but I honestly don't think it matters how much, dearly or sincerely me or them they'd like things to be different. It can never be different from what it is, I wouldn't like to have it all changed or undone. The Dice has already been thrown, and you can't cheat in the game of life.

Right now I'm satisfied that I managed to plant a seed of love and hope inside their hearts and minds, I hope more than guess that it means that the future only can improve... Although it is the truth and nothing but the truth (which sometimes can be hard to hear), the truth is that I love each and everyone of them, yet it does hurt to think of them... I guess that means true love can be painful yet beautiful and delicate. But I guess I'll always be either a daughter or friend never just a sister.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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