My first family, siblings even Umma and Appa can't possibly have any recollection of me, you see I was born in a hospital and then immediately placed for adoption. Prior to my birth my Onnis had no knowledge of me and my upcoming birth. Umma was later at some point told that I was stillborn, and when Appa finally knew of my whereabouts it was to late. I had already left the country for Europe and Sweden...
25 years and a few months later I finally know what I want to do with my life, I want nothing else then to move back to Korea permanentely not because my first family demanded, requested or asked me to do that. They have never even talked about that possibility maybe because they are older and wiser , realize things that I am yet unaware of... But still it's what I want, I want to make that move in a few years time.
I want my relationship to my Unnis and Namdongsaeng's to develop and deepen, I want to include them in my life in a completely different way than what I have done. Of course it would be easier if my first family would be able to travel to Sweden and visit me. But you see they are really poor so the only possability for me to get to know them is to make the move myself. And I know for a fact that they never would ask me to make that sort of sacrifice myself... Out of respect for my second family and my life in Sweden.
But I have nothing to take into consideration at this point in time, my Swedish parents will always be there for me no matter what. They can even understand why I feel the way I do about my first family and future move back to Korea.
Therefore I have no intention of making a lasting commitment to anybody which would mean that I would have to remain in Sweden when it isn't what I want or intended to do in the first place. When I finally have that second passport in my hands I'll start planning for the future but no until then.
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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