24 years can change a person quite a lot, it's like a lifetime. So why did I imagine that I'd instantly be able to connect with my sisters ? Because we seemed to get on so well the year before, but that time we really didn't get to spend that much time with one another. I still love my older sisters almost more than life itself. I'd defend them and protect them whenever there's a need, it might seem strange but I love them so.
My oldest onni is 40 and my youngest onni is one year older than I am. That's a huge age gap apparently, which I guess should mean that they have different values (as should be expected), but no that does not seem to be the case. You see my sisters have all helped out raising each other so they all share the same values more or less. I thought that we instantly connect and be able to understand each other that we sort of shared a secret link or hade organism running through our vienes just because we're sisters.
I thought I'd be able to understand them and relate to them, because it's what I wanted to. But I wasn't raised by our parents , I was not brought up with them I never learned to speak Korean... so it's harder than I thought. Korean women , generally have toys do what's obey orders, do as they are told and always do what's expected of them. The only thing I know for sure is this; they are sorry they never had a chance to get know me as a toddler, sorry they missed out on a big part of my life. They were raised in a big household I on the other hand was a lonely child for many years, they always had each other while I always seemed to get attention from my mum and dad.
They love me because I'm one of them I know that because that's how I was treated. I love them equally just as much, I'm just sorry I still struggle to get to know them now 25 years later. But we're all sisters and young women that all wants to find love and happiness and I know they'd like nothing else for me than to be happy whatever that would mean.
My oldest namdongseng is someone I feel a great deal of respect for, I respect each and every one in my Korean family. Thay are just as important as the family that raised maybe even more. I think they're all proud of me because I live in Europe and Sweden which to them is something to be proud of. I only wish the 25 years I spent in Sweden hadn't washed away the Koreaness which I was born with back in the days. Maybe things will become easier when I've learned more Korean a promise I made to the same brother. Don't feel bad or guilty anymore because I love you all so and I'm so greatful and happy that I found you in this lifetime. Nothing else matters to me.
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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