The Name Of The Game

Ever since the musical Mamma Mia managed to become a movie musical I've loved and appreciated most Abba songs. Particularly those in the movie of corse. This another Abba song seen the movie.

I've seen you twice, in a short time
Only a week since we started
It seems to me, for every time
I'm getting more open-hearted

I was an impossible case
No-one ever could reach me
But I think I can see in your face
There's a lot of things you could teach me
So I wanna know

What's the name of the game?
Does it mean anything to you?
What's the name of the game?
Can you feel it the way I do?
Tell me please, 'cause I have to know
I'm a bashful child, beginning to grow

And you make talk
And you make me feel
And you make me show
What I'm trying to conceal
If I trust in you, would you let me down?
Would you laugh at me, if I said I care for you?
Could you feel the same way too?

The name of the game

I have no friends, no one to see
And I'm never invited
Now I'm here talking to you
Now i get excited

Your smile and the sound of your voice
And the way you see through me
Got a feeling, you give me no choice
But it means a lot to me
So I wanna know...

http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/The-Name-Of-The-Game-lyrics-Abba/F9EB19DDD3E57DA248256BC600202FA4

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Job Oppertunities

What kind of job oppertunities are awailable for KADs if they aspire to move back to Korea as adults ? Is it even possible I wonder ... What if you'd like to earn a living somehow but doesn't like teaching for some reason what then ?

Maybe someone knows or has an answer ? And please don't tell me that it can't be done because I know it can happen, I'm not the first one to consider it.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Allright

Is It Allright ?

Is it allright to want to move back to your birth country with the purpose of continue building a relationship with your birth family if you're an adoptee ? Would it be allright to bring a spouse or a partner and children or would it be selfish ? I told myself I would not allow myself to get to know people from the opposite sex in that way, not until my moving plans were settled. But maybe that's even more selfish than not doing it 'cos I don' know exactly when I'd be able to make that move for sure.

Does one cancel out the other and the opposite , I wonder... ?

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Differences And Similarites

I begun to wonder weither or not adoptees can understand and relate to one another regardless of where they've grown up.... Is it so that adoptees from the same country more easily can understand each other... And could it be so that the differences partially consits of where you grew up (your social heritage so to say)...

Mum and I somehow manages to get on each others nerves occassionally, or maybe it's just that mum sometimes acts just like my classmates in grade school and sadly she can't understand how upset and hurt it makes me. I've tried to tell her but she can't seem to understand, because natuarlly she's always right and I'm always wrong...

Dad has never taken on the role as one of my bullies, out of my parents he's the most diplomatic and understanding parent. Maybe I'm being unfair but it's how I feel so why should I lie !? I do still love my mum I just wish she could understand me better, any of those deep and serious talks is much easier to have with dad. When mum has upset me I punish her by only speaking to my dad, I know it's childish and that it really hurts mum but I can't help it. Or maybe I can, I guess I may keep this thing up until the day mum finally understands...

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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United Korea

With the death of leader Kim Jong Il will a lasting peace and future unification of Korea be more likely to happen ? Changes are it could also go the other way.. Nobody knows for sure...

Will the Korean conflict end by 2012; over 60 years long. Or will the security in South Korea become tighter now, maybe even make more complicated to enter South Korea ? What kind of a leader will Kim Jung Un be ? Will North Korea fall ? As I assume many of you know North Korea has been an autocrazy ever since 1953 and lead by Kim Il Sung, the later Kim Jong Il and now the young Kim Jong Un. And will the US vacate Korea and return home ?

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Obvious Opinions

I'm truely sorry that things didn't turn out the way we both imagined that it would, you must be disappointed in me and my behaviour although you never uttered a word. I thought I could abandon my Swedish values and replace them with Korean values but that task seems impossible and overbearing to me. I was foolish, I didn't believe I had that many values to replace but I was wrong I know that now.

I just wonder where we go from here, I'd like to become more Korean but I guess time has turned me into more of a Swede. I'm not like any other of your children or sisters, I'm strongheaded, independent and I act and behave more like a Swede than a Korean. For instance I can't imagine becoming a shy and timid housewife, I would never stay married to someone if they misstreated me. A failed marriage with one or two kids, is totally fine in my book. I would continue working after my wedding and I can't imagine staying home and raise my children I'd like to work to earn a living instead. I could even imagine moving far away from the parents that raised me, even overseas it doesn't mean I love them any less or would forget everything that has been.

So maybe I'm more like an Oppa than a younger Noona/Yuhdongseang because of my independent lifestyle.... But do they love me any less ?

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Daughter Or Friend

Daughter 딸 (tal) or friend 진구 (chingu). No matter what happens I guess 아버치 and 어머니
always will think of me and treat me as a child or maybe even toddler... Because I guess I'm a toddler to them at best, innocent and helpless in their minds (even though I'm 25 by now and have been considered as an adult for at least 7 years) by my mum and dad. I'll always be a child for my Swedish parents too, of course but I no longer need their permission or approval. I certainly wish and imagine I would ask them for input my future spouse, but I wouldn't have to obey their every word. That's the difference I guess. I am free to make my own mistakes and decisions.

For my siblings it's a different story they have been raised by our rural Korean parents, which means they have to obey their every word. And the younger siblings have to follow the older ones orders, and of course it's our father who has the final say inside our family and outside it's their husbands.

Although me and my birth siblings always will be siblings for better or worse , I realize and fear more than predict that we never will know each other like real siblings since we don't really know each other. They have no clue of my thoughts and opinions and certainly doesn't know of my dreams and goal in life. It sounds harsh , I know but I honestly don't think it matters how much, dearly or sincerely me or them they'd like things to be different. It can never be different from what it is, I wouldn't like to have it all changed or undone. The Dice has already been thrown, and you can't cheat in the game of life.

Right now I'm satisfied that I managed to plant a seed of love and hope inside their hearts and minds, I hope more than guess that it means that the future only can improve... Although it is the truth and nothing but the truth (which sometimes can be hard to hear), the truth is that I love each and everyone of them, yet it does hurt to think of them... I guess that means true love can be painful yet beautiful and delicate. But I guess I'll always be either a daughter or friend never just a sister.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Gimme Gimme Gimme

Seriously man don't read to much into this.. It's just a song nothing else...

Half past twelve
And I'm watching the late night show in my flat all alone
How i hate to spend the evening on my own
Autumn winds
Blowing outside my window as I look around the room
And it makes me so depressed to see the gloom
Is there a man out there
Someone to hear my prays

Gimme gimnme gimme a man after midnight
Won't someone help me chase the shadows away
Gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight
Take me thriugh the darkness to the break of the day

Movie stars
Find the end of the rainbow, with a fortune to win
It's so different from the world I'm living in
Tired of TV
I open the window and I gaze into the night
But there's nothing there to see, no one in sight
Is there a man out there
Someone to hear my prays

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/abba/gimmegimmegimmeamanaftermidnight.html

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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It's only 2 days left for Christmas Eve, and 9 days left of this year. Some days ago I went a Christmas party and felt really out of place even though it was for Korean adoptees.

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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The New Ruler

A few days ago North Korea's leader Kim Jong Il died at 69 years old, the new ruler is supposed to be his third and youngest son Kim Jong Un... Will North Korea become a more open society now ? Well, honestly speaking I think the nation has a rather long way to go. Just look at the funeral who didn't allow foreigners to come and show their respects...

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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