Friday, 15 November 2013

Every Cloud Got A Silver Lining

I expect people to treat me with respect even if they don't accept me completely, they by all means don't have to love me. Love is messy, love is pain, love is betrayal, love is heart break. Love's a lie.

Whatever you do, I say this out of the goodness of my heart - don't judge me or try to tell me how to live my life. Please don't act like you're concerned about me when we all know you're nothing of that sort, so please don't fake it. I don't need your good advice not even if you say you care, frankly I don't buy that anymore.

I know I'm far from perfect, I got my flaws everyone do, nobody's perfect not even me.

If you have no knowledge of my life then please don't try to act as if you know or like you care. Because that's nothing but an act. My problems, challenges or issues in life are not more important than anyone else but they're important to me. Don't tell me that it's not true, that it's a lie when it might be exactly how I feel, my feelings are real and nobody else than me can possibly know how I feel.

The biggest betrayal of my life that really shock my world, was when I was relinquished for adoption I don't lie - that part has shaped my world, created my perception of the world and made me the person that I am. I do have severe trust issues, suffer from low self eestem and have a weird loyality towards my birth family. I say weird because it's unlogical, makes no sense yet is the most natural thing ever.

It sums up my world. I'm adopted so that's my struggles in this life, I hope to overcome them but I realize I cannot heal from it because frankly speaking adoption is for life.

I know that mum and dad got my back yet my heart yearns to her my omma's voice, to glance at appa one last time. To hug my unnis and to laugh with namdongsaeng. I'm very proud of my brother , who have seen the good, the bad and the ugly sides of me. If he needed my help I wouldn't hesitate a second. Ultimately my heart feels like it's been split in two, because I love my mum and dad the parents who raised me just as much as I love the once who did abandon me.

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