당신을 사랑합니다

100 Reasons why I love my Omma...
She is relly really strong, having given birth 8 times (that I know off)... and endured a lot in her life besides my birth/stillbirth which really was relinguishment for international adoption...

 내가 엄마를 사랑하는 이

1. because I'm your daughter.
2. because you gave birth to me.
3. because you spent many years grieving for me.
4. you never forgot the day you gave birth to me.
5. you treasured me in your heart.
6. once you knew I was alive and well you wanted to se me.
7. the way you never let me go.
8. the way you held my hand.
9. the fact that you requested to sleep next to me...
10. the way you cried and apologized to me (in Korean).
11. you accepted a gift I made when I was 8 years old.
12. you clearly wear the pants in the family.
13. you are the person that I strive to be one day.
14. you want me to do well in life.
15. you feed me food like a child as a token of love.
16. I loved eating the food you cooked.
17. I know I'm you daughter since I inherited your appearence and body phrame.
18.  hearing your voice and listen to you talk. 
19.  liked the way you showed concern and showed me that you cared about me.
20. the way you raised my siblings and created your own family.
21. the unconditional love you have for me 
22. your big , warm and caring heart
23. your nurturing side
24. the love you show your grandchildren
25. your open mind, they way you offer friendship and respect
26. you never complain.
27. you take care of your family.
28. your strict and harsher side.
29. your family always comes first for you.
30. I know that you must love your husband.
31. your family listens to your words and advice.
32. you are the matriarch in your family.
33. how you feel the need to protect and console in hard times.
34. the love I see in your eyes.
35. the love I heard in your voice and what actions show.
36. how you brag about your children including me.
37. you want me and my siblings to be happy.
38. you spoil your grandchildren like a grandmother should.
39. you never reminiscence about the past.
40. you live for your children.
41. I know you missed me after having me.
42. you want to come to visit me.
43. you don't like my cat.
44. you were concerned about my scars.
45. you wanted to take me the hospital once.
46. you worried for me maybe you still do.
47. I want to get your blessing before I settle down.
48. I want to introduce my future mate to you.
49. you have experienced and overcome poverty many times.
50. I want to grow up to be like you and have your strenght. 
51. The culture of which I am product fascinates me.
52. I can't understand you, all I am left with is love.
53. I love the athmosphere there, all the spices and its scents.
54. The hurried pace in the city area.
55. I pefer the Korean courtesy over the ignorant European I-don't-care approach.
56. I love Korean cooking and especially Omma's cooking.
57. I love Hangul and the Korean language.
58. I love contrasts between the city area, suburbs and the country.
59. I love Korean dramas.
60. I always remember a sporting event when Korea is included, it means I can be patriotic and feels like I am close to you.
61. I am proud to be your daughter and sister even if you're more ashamed of me.
62. I love the Korean fashion sense, it makes me feel closer to you.
63. I always read news from Korea, because it makes me remember you.
64. I love...
65. It...
66. I love...
67. That...
68. One day...
69. Let's ....
70. I promse to...
71. Never ever
72. Always
73. Don't 
74. Forgive
75. Forget
76. Some day
77. Sooner
78. Once
79. I wish to
80. I'd rather
81. I
82. I
83. I
84. I
85. I
86. I
87. I
88. I
89. Maybe
90. Perhaps
91. Possibly 
92. It
93. Whenever
94. K-pop
95. soccer
96. The UN
97. The president 
98. Korean feminism
99. wish I could get married in Korea one day or at least invite you.
100. I want to honor my Korean hertiage and give my future children a Korean name.

Birthmothers

What defines a mother let alone a parent ..? Is it the invested time and love or is it DNA and biology?
Sometimes I consider myself to have no parents at all since my birthparents relinquished me hours after being born. And the woman that I call mum is nothing more than a stranger to me, meaning that she is not related by blood.

Yet she raised me, knows my flaws and obsticles in life while the person I would like to be able to call Omma without getting raised eyebrows and feelings of worry is something that I cannot do. Because that woman , the other woman who gave birth to me she is not supposed to be called Omma at least not by me...

My Omma is to me now only the person who brought into the world, I used to call her my birthmother but while the term itself sounds rather clinical. I cannot even use the label mother even though I love her as a mother.


Read Lori Jane's post and conclussion on birthmothers here .