Finally

I finally have the personal name that I intended to have for more then 3 months ago. Finally!!!
Things to do arrange a new ID and passport. The Swedish Tax Authority had taken two of my other names and made them into my personal name. Probably because my new intended personal name was a foreign sounding name, but still...

I'm still working on my thesis PM and I will have to go to Stockholm to meet a special person that has made a lot of research about my topic. That's exacting and good news, not so good new is that I've been bothering my professor about several months old assignments and I'm still in doubt if I should keep that professor as my tutor for my thesis.

♥ 챠금은안녕.Bye for now.♥

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Final Rebirth

Delayed Name Change

Christmas Spirit

It's true I've lost my Christmas spirit and yes it's not December or even First Advent yet. I'm unable to make my wish list for this Christmas... I know why, I feel guilty because of the life I've had compared to my birth siblings and parents... So the question is if I really should wish for Christmas gift this year or not... I'm not sure yet, I just know I'm changed in so many ways and at so many different levels... I don't see it like punishment, I really don't... I know one thing and one thing only; I feel like I would have to make my birth parents and siblings proud of me and that I have a never ending debt to them... Maybe more emotional than economical, because on paper I'm not their's not anymore...

♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Changes

Change

My Life

No comments... Guess !!?? Answer: (Life after reunion)


♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle


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My Life

Weird Week

I've spent a week with mum and I survived, it was a really strange week for one.
Somehow mum thinks I'm too blame for our family's economy. Figure that.
But how was I suppose to know that you had to transfer your salary this month to dad, when dad never mentioned it...
How am I suppose to trust that all things you say are true?
That you might not be able to keep your summer house when dad's retired, that you'd like an early retirement because you´re not happy with your work one minut, but next time I ask you like your job.

You're over 20 years old you're supposed to be able to take care of yourself. We can't provide for you any longer.
Fine, there goes all our money and and I who planned a long weekend to Berlin....

Why did you stop talking? Don't tell me you became upset when I mentioned that we have no money. That's it isn't it? Are you really that spoiled?
Maybe we can't even afford Christmas gifts this year?
Don't be silly of course we can.
Mum, this year I don't want any Christmas gifts.
Please don't ruin Christmas for grandma, we don't know how long she's gonna live...

Thank God she's left I can't stand her presumptions and emotional hostages, but she's my mum weither i like it or not. And yes mum and dad seems to have different views on economy or maybe dad don't want to bother me with that stuff as well.

When mum said she and dad had a strained economy I didn't really want to listen because sure enough I knew where it was headed... As she continued I could feel myself falling deeper and deeper inside my head... At one point I even wished I'd be somewhere else. And of course we disagreed a lot, I hate that. Instead of trying too change my opinions you should be proud of me as a person. But I suppose I never will be the person that you expects me to be. Guess what I'm not perfect neither are you...

♥ 챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥


© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Crap

Cha Jung Hee

In the matter of Cha Jung Hee, its a shocking movie documentary about two Korean girls one who is the real Cha Jung Hee and anthoer one that becomes Cha Jung Hee. Unfortunately I'm unable to watch In the matter of Cha Jung Hee, since I'm not living in the States. Did they find the real Cha Jung Hee? How did the movie end?

Resilience, that's another documentary that I can watch. And I do say it's an interesting one.
My father, with Daniel Henney is a movie about an Korean American adopted boy who searches for his birth father.
Ireland, is a drama about a Korean Irish adopted girl who searches for her birth family and ends up living in Korea.
Women of the Sun, it's a drama about two Korean girls and one family.

♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥


© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Confussion

At The End Of The Rainbow

I was able to plan for my reunion and first meeting which I barely survived emotionally speaking... And my world is still spinning around. But I appreciate the fact that I was able to have my happy ending and to find my personal treasure at the end of my rainbow. Yet life after the happy ending is more complicated and emotionally difficult than what I imagined. What do you say too this?

Sarange, Aboji, Omoni... sarange Yoja hyonge, sarange Namdongsaeng...


♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle


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Omma

What It Means

Yes, I'm adopted and yes I'm a reunited KAD.
So I was adopted to Sweden from Korea, I've lived my whole life minus a little over 2 months.
I don't know Korean yet but I hope I will learn...
I'm no expert in Korea; Korean soceity, culture, religion, traditions, history or politics.
Let's make that thing clear.
I've seen a few of the most popular K-dramas like My Girl, Green Rose and Sweet 18.
I'm willing to learn more about Korea but I suspect that this might take me my entire life or maybe not even be accomplished during my life time.

How can you be sure that a decision made years might not lead to a life long suffering? How to save a life ?

There are approximately 150000 -200000 Korean adoptees out there in the world, and we all have our different faiths and stories, but we share one thing; adoption and the separation. But make no mistake, all adoptees are ordinary peole, with differen opnions and lives. We all deserve the same amount of respect both from society at large but also from each other if we happen to have differing opinions we should respect that not bash out on each other. We can't expect all 200000 KADs to think, believe, behave and live exactly like ourself. The key word here seems to be respect.

In case I've offended some of you or come out too strong with my personal opinions I'm truely sorry and I hereby apologize to everyone...

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Story Of My Life

The story of my life, is not what I imagined, dreamed or hoped for... How could it? One word : dissatisfaction. I wish there was someone I could blame, for the mess that is my life. But there is no one I could blame even if I wanted to or tried. I just fell so powerless, misunderstood and alone... Sometimes I imagine that my life is a movie or a novel because truthfully the details and events does sound like it. My life is my life , I don't want to complain or nag about it...

I'm chasing after something really desperately without really knowing what it is that I'm looking for. Will I finally be happy when I found it? What if I don't find it... what happens then?


♥챠금은안녕. Bye for now.♥

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle


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The Birthday Party

Many years ago, about 20 years or so I was invited to a birthday party with a mascerade, I don't remember everything but I know I finally decided to go in my Hanbok. Everyone else seemed to have gone through more of an effort because the dressed up like Princess Jasmine from Aladin, Pippi Longstocking, sailors and alike. All the other children were Swedes so I suppose they could pull of anything.

Then there was me a Korean in an ethnic hanbok dress, I even remember the other children talking about me...

Why did you decide to come like that? Couldn't you have dressed up like something else... why didn't you settle for Tinkerbell like you said?

To make things even worse they had a ceremony were everyone was supposed to vote for best dressed boy and girl. I already sensed no one would vote for me so for best dressed girl. At the end of the party there were a ceremony were medallions were handed out. I'm not 100% certain but I do believe I was the only one not given a medallion...

On the way back home I broke down in tears and mum asked me what was wrong and then my dear mum made me my very own gold medallion. I'm not sure if I've saved it or not, but the thing is that really proves how much mum loved me... I truely do believe my mum always has been the best mum for me. I couldn't imagine anyone else. And honestly would anyone else go through so much trouble ?

♥챠금은안녕.Bye for now. ♥

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Heavy Heart

My mum seems to still attempt to influence me in to changing my opinion about inter country adoption, but that would be impossible for me. Like betraying myself... Mym mum told me some days ago that it was sad that I seemed so negative towards inter country adoption... Let me just say that I don't think one should be so surprised about my feelings, opinions and thoughts...

I doubt my opinion will change, and just to clearify I'm not exactly negative towards inter country adoption in Korea maybe more of sceptical. And yes, I might be a little negative towards international adoption generally speaking but sadly mostly towards Korean adoption. With that said I'd like to point out that I'm still not sure if I would look down on the entire adoption industry... I'd like to think I don't, honestly I am.

Let's imagine that I would consider adoption than I wouldn't choose Korea as my first choice... but than the future child would not resemble me... Let's just say in a worst case scenario I might be willing to reconsider international adoption from any other country than Korea...

But I'm still lightyears away from even considering starting a family...


♥챠금은안녕.Bye for now.♥

© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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