한국어 탄생.
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Showing posts with label KAD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label KAD. Show all posts
Sunday, 20 December 2015
Sunday, 14 June 2015
Kiene Langewiele
As an adult adoptee there are many things I refuse to make a family tradition. Obviously adoption would be one of them. If I ever start a family with someone I rather do it with another Asian. I'm patriotic that way, preferably Korean although a Chinese or Japanese would be allright too. I dream of having a child that has my genes and whose etnicity would be Korean, or maybe Asian as in Chinese or Japanese...
I think of myself as a rebel, and I refuse to share my life with anyone who doesn't understand what it means to be a female Asian adoptee and a KAD. I consider myself fairly flexible yet that is my most important value that I will not accept any compromises on.
I think of myself as a rebel, and I refuse to share my life with anyone who doesn't understand what it means to be a female Asian adoptee and a KAD. I consider myself fairly flexible yet that is my most important value that I will not accept any compromises on.
Thursday, 16 April 2015
Always on My Mind
If I don't get after my dream then I will always be on my mind.
Of course I could always settle and try to contempt-but I would never be it.
Most likely I would turn into an angry bitter woman and that should say a lot.
I am not willing to sacrifice my dream for anyone not even if I gain unconditional love in return.
Not until I tried my best would be inclined to consider recreating a new life under new circumstances.
I just think a lot about my birth mother and my olders sisters. Now I know that it is my mother that somehow is accountable for their nonexistant contact with me. My maternal grandmother refused me the oppertunity be raised with my older siblings. I have been rejected by three generations of women in my birthfamily and also two generations of men.
Of course I could always settle and try to contempt-but I would never be it.
Most likely I would turn into an angry bitter woman and that should say a lot.
I am not willing to sacrifice my dream for anyone not even if I gain unconditional love in return.
Not until I tried my best would be inclined to consider recreating a new life under new circumstances.
I just think a lot about my birth mother and my olders sisters. Now I know that it is my mother that somehow is accountable for their nonexistant contact with me. My maternal grandmother refused me the oppertunity be raised with my older siblings. I have been rejected by three generations of women in my birthfamily and also two generations of men.
Thursday, 12 March 2015
Off The Wall
Rumors. Facts. Truth.
I want to resettle in Korea.
Why? How come ? Similar questions is what I recieve from anyone a stranger or someone who thinks they have a right to have an opinion my life and my choices.
That could not be more wrong. I know what I am and the little culture I have been exposed to is not enough. Not a society that only halfheartedly is willing to accept you under certain curcumstances.
Society wants me to reject my origin, my proud heritage and my culture.
I have been given a new one I should fully embrace it. Believe me I have and still I am not fully accepted. I was forced to learn the customs of a foreign culture and now I have to choose. Either fully adjust into it or make a concious choice not to.
For my entire life I have lived a life that people think they have a right to have opinions on and to offer advice usually of discouragement. I will never be fully accepted in a society that is supposed to be my home this exactly why it does not feel like my home.
The parents who raised me, that I call mum and dad will never replace the parents that I should have had. Instead they are the next best thing, but I love my mum and dad tremendously - but there will always be a part of me that I lost and always will miss...
The parents who raised me, that I call mum and dad will never replace the parents that I should have had. Instead they are the next best thing, but I love my mum and dad tremendously - but there will always be a part of me that I lost and always will miss...
Wednesday, 11 February 2015
Slipping Through My Fingers
I know what I want and how to get it. I cannot rest and settle down until my soul find peace and my heart discovered happiness that lies within. To me life is so extremely short-that we only have one chance to reach our dreams and full potential. I will not let this just slip through my fingers because I may only get one shot.
To me my lifedream is my number one priority-I will sacrifice a stable future and even love to reach my dream.
For 15 years I was separated and detached from them, 15 years ago I found them and got to know them. But no matter what I lost 15 years, years that I never will get back. I have been in reunion with my birth family for half my life. Which is not easy I should add, I am the second youngest child and youngest daughter out of eight.
To me my lifedream is my number one priority-I will sacrifice a stable future and even love to reach my dream.
For 15 years I was separated and detached from them, 15 years ago I found them and got to know them. But no matter what I lost 15 years, years that I never will get back. I have been in reunion with my birth family for half my life. Which is not easy I should add, I am the second youngest child and youngest daughter out of eight.
Saturday, 20 December 2014
Aura
My aura and soul was born through my mother's tears and pain. Her soul gave birth to me a daughter that she never could call hers. Because of this my mother's aura must be pure. White as snow and innocent. I do not blame her in any way, I can hold nothing against her. She gave me life, I am a part of her.
I am searching for the thing I lost, my social heritage that I lost because I was adopted... My biological heritage does no longer match my social heritage. That is my biggest sorrow but it is not something that I can regret because I had nothing to do with it. I was just born by a mother that never was to be my mum.
Who is to blame for my soul's trauma... Because it is traumatic for a newborn infant or animal to be separated from it's mother to soon after birth.... That's why experts does not recommend you to buya kitten that's younger than 12 weeks or 8 weeks for a puppy. Removing it too soon from it's mother will most likely disturb the animals natural development not to mention the anti bodies it will lack and lose because of not being able to feed from it's mother.
Why are not children treated with the same respect?
I am searching for the thing I lost, my social heritage that I lost because I was adopted... My biological heritage does no longer match my social heritage. That is my biggest sorrow but it is not something that I can regret because I had nothing to do with it. I was just born by a mother that never was to be my mum.
Who is to blame for my soul's trauma... Because it is traumatic for a newborn infant or animal to be separated from it's mother to soon after birth.... That's why experts does not recommend you to buya kitten that's younger than 12 weeks or 8 weeks for a puppy. Removing it too soon from it's mother will most likely disturb the animals natural development not to mention the anti bodies it will lack and lose because of not being able to feed from it's mother.
Why are not children treated with the same respect?
Saturday, 16 August 2014
Lost Lives
The sudden ferry accident outside Jindo where 80 % of the passengers were High School students from Anam , Hanwon High School is indeed a tragic loss. I do believe it could have been prevented.. I honestly do.
Korea is a very competitive society were the collective good comes before individual needs. This means the Korean mentality basically says that showing emotion in public is not socially accepteed.
"Only small children cries" instead of talking openbly about their feelings, emotions and reactions to things they don't mention it at all.
With more over 200 missing or dead teenagers there is a fear that the suicide rate will increase, because it is a parents worst nightmare to survive while they loss their children instead.
The 22year old female part time worker who refused to leave and save herself, who tried to rescue as many as she could, the engaged 20s couple who tried to look for more or the middleaged teacher who wanted to try to rescue and save his students.There were many brave teenagers onboard the Sewol ferry, the Choi boy who made the 911call, the part time worker, the engaged couple, or the boy who gave away his lifejacket to a friend and the teenage couple who died tied together... And the brave civilians that stepped in and helped to rescue some, some who even lost their own lives...
Will this nightmare mean that Korea has to change their view on healthcare ? Nobody did approch the assigned Health Care workers at the Jindo gymnasium. Many parents have mentioned not wanting to live...
If it would have been a ferry with 80% adult passengers instead of High School students would the captain have acted differently would the expected death toll not have been as high.. !? Who knows.
I can't imagine how this feels, but I feel the collective grief. Experts talk about a collective depression yet depression isn't a common word in the Korean vocabulary. Depression 불경기 (bulyeongki) while suicide is 자살 jasal (chasal) and the incident has already claimed it's first victim by suicide, the vice principal of the Anwon High School in Anam.
(I will not write about the president or crew members of the Sewol ferry -this is not the time. I will find another place to write about the crew and suspected wrongdoing and criminal act..)
Try to not feel guilty for having survived, celebrate it even if it's hard.
To those who survived
꽃, 꽃이 필까 예 예 그들은 그들은 것입니다 윌
당신이 여기 아직 태어나의 경우가 있습니다.
그들은 꽃을하겠다는 그들은 것 및 그 때까지 다시 개화
거기에는없는 슬픔은 없습니다 및 이유 애도 남아
Korea is a very competitive society were the collective good comes before individual needs. This means the Korean mentality basically says that showing emotion in public is not socially accepteed.
"Only small children cries" instead of talking openbly about their feelings, emotions and reactions to things they don't mention it at all.
With more over 200 missing or dead teenagers there is a fear that the suicide rate will increase, because it is a parents worst nightmare to survive while they loss their children instead.
The 22year old female part time worker who refused to leave and save herself, who tried to rescue as many as she could, the engaged 20s couple who tried to look for more or the middleaged teacher who wanted to try to rescue and save his students.There were many brave teenagers onboard the Sewol ferry, the Choi boy who made the 911call, the part time worker, the engaged couple, or the boy who gave away his lifejacket to a friend and the teenage couple who died tied together... And the brave civilians that stepped in and helped to rescue some, some who even lost their own lives...
Will this nightmare mean that Korea has to change their view on healthcare ? Nobody did approch the assigned Health Care workers at the Jindo gymnasium. Many parents have mentioned not wanting to live...
If it would have been a ferry with 80% adult passengers instead of High School students would the captain have acted differently would the expected death toll not have been as high.. !? Who knows.
I can't imagine how this feels, but I feel the collective grief. Experts talk about a collective depression yet depression isn't a common word in the Korean vocabulary. Depression 불경기 (bulyeongki) while suicide is 자살 jasal (chasal) and the incident has already claimed it's first victim by suicide, the vice principal of the Anwon High School in Anam.
(I will not write about the president or crew members of the Sewol ferry -this is not the time. I will find another place to write about the crew and suspected wrongdoing and criminal act..)
Try to not feel guilty for having survived, celebrate it even if it's hard.
To those who survived
죄책감을하지 말아주세요...
Il Divo, 꽃, 꽃이 필까 예 예 그들은 그들은 것입니다 윌
당신이 여기 아직 태어나의 경우가 있습니다.
그들은 꽃을하겠다는 그들은 것 및 그 때까지 다시 개화
거기에는없는 슬픔은 없습니다 및 이유 애도 남아
Tuesday, 15 July 2014
R.I.P Angel KADs
My dear sweet angels and innocent souls. How much my heart yerns for you all, my heart is heavy for you all. You were all taken way to soon, I can't help but to think of your birthmothers.... Do they know, that you're no longer living- that your life was ended by the one person that was supposed to keep you safe ?
- 1957, Wendy Kay Ott, 22 months old
- 1972, Kim Marie Firth, 2
- 1976, Danielle Kristine Neil, 13 months
- 1978, Lew Jones, 21
- 1992, Kayla Erlandson, 2
- 1994, Holly 15 & Nicole 14
- 2007, Chaeli Kyrie , 13 months
- 2008, Ethan 10, Seth 9, Mira 5 and Eleanor 3
- 2013, Hyunsu 3
제발 날 용서해 주세요.
Thursday, 5 June 2014
Friday, 15 November 2013
Every Cloud Got A Silver Lining
I expect people to treat me with respect even if they don't accept me completely, they by all means don't have to love me. Love is messy, love is pain, love is betrayal, love is heart break. Love's a lie.
Whatever you do, I say this out of the goodness of my heart - don't judge me or try to tell me how to live my life. Please don't act like you're concerned about me when we all know you're nothing of that sort, so please don't fake it. I don't need your good advice not even if you say you care, frankly I don't buy that anymore.
I know I'm far from perfect, I got my flaws everyone do, nobody's perfect not even me.
If you have no knowledge of my life then please don't try to act as if you know or like you care. Because that's nothing but an act. My problems, challenges or issues in life are not more important than anyone else but they're important to me. Don't tell me that it's not true, that it's a lie when it might be exactly how I feel, my feelings are real and nobody else than me can possibly know how I feel.
The biggest betrayal of my life that really shock my world, was when I was relinquished for adoption I don't lie - that part has shaped my world, created my perception of the world and made me the person that I am. I do have severe trust issues, suffer from low self eestem and have a weird loyality towards my birth family. I say weird because it's unlogical, makes no sense yet is the most natural thing ever.
It sums up my world. I'm adopted so that's my struggles in this life, I hope to overcome them but I realize I cannot heal from it because frankly speaking adoption is for life.
I know that mum and dad got my back yet my heart yearns to her my omma's voice, to glance at appa one last time. To hug my unnis and to laugh with namdongsaeng. I'm very proud of my brother , who have seen the good, the bad and the ugly sides of me. If he needed my help I wouldn't hesitate a second. Ultimately my heart feels like it's been split in two, because I love my mum and dad the parents who raised me just as much as I love the once who did abandon me.
Whatever you do, I say this out of the goodness of my heart - don't judge me or try to tell me how to live my life. Please don't act like you're concerned about me when we all know you're nothing of that sort, so please don't fake it. I don't need your good advice not even if you say you care, frankly I don't buy that anymore.
I know I'm far from perfect, I got my flaws everyone do, nobody's perfect not even me.
If you have no knowledge of my life then please don't try to act as if you know or like you care. Because that's nothing but an act. My problems, challenges or issues in life are not more important than anyone else but they're important to me. Don't tell me that it's not true, that it's a lie when it might be exactly how I feel, my feelings are real and nobody else than me can possibly know how I feel.
The biggest betrayal of my life that really shock my world, was when I was relinquished for adoption I don't lie - that part has shaped my world, created my perception of the world and made me the person that I am. I do have severe trust issues, suffer from low self eestem and have a weird loyality towards my birth family. I say weird because it's unlogical, makes no sense yet is the most natural thing ever.
It sums up my world. I'm adopted so that's my struggles in this life, I hope to overcome them but I realize I cannot heal from it because frankly speaking adoption is for life.
I know that mum and dad got my back yet my heart yearns to her my omma's voice, to glance at appa one last time. To hug my unnis and to laugh with namdongsaeng. I'm very proud of my brother , who have seen the good, the bad and the ugly sides of me. If he needed my help I wouldn't hesitate a second. Ultimately my heart feels like it's been split in two, because I love my mum and dad the parents who raised me just as much as I love the once who did abandon me.
Tuesday, 20 August 2013
Sunday, 11 August 2013
Kickstarter Project
Maybe there is hope for a person like me afterall, I don't want to be afriad no more and miss out of what life has in store for me. Living is wonderful and love is the key everything but you must love yourself first from within. I don't want to miss any more chances than what I already have.
I am proud to be an adoptee (at last) although I am more Swedish then most people might think. So I warn you , people. I am mixture of Korea hot spices, tenacity and Swedish lagom. I love my adoptive family and my younger brother, but I don't like international adoption as a concept. I know I always will carry few but fond memories of my reunion and first family.
But now I am entering a new phase in life, it's scary and exciting. ---sorry for staying away from this blog for to long. As an apology I will offer you a video of the Kickstarter project of Land of Gazillion Adoptees.
I am proud to be an adoptee (at last) although I am more Swedish then most people might think. So I warn you , people. I am mixture of Korea hot spices, tenacity and Swedish lagom. I love my adoptive family and my younger brother, but I don't like international adoption as a concept. I know I always will carry few but fond memories of my reunion and first family.
But now I am entering a new phase in life, it's scary and exciting. ---sorry for staying away from this blog for to long. As an apology I will offer you a video of the Kickstarter project of Land of Gazillion Adoptees.
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