My Values

About reunion and birth family search, yes it's true I don't lie when I say that begun searching 10 years ago. I did, you can choose not to believe me if you want to, if that would make you feel better. It might have been to early, maybe I wasn't ready I don't know, all I know that I was the youngest in my birth family which meant that my older siblings could be 20 years older then I was and it also meant that my parents could be almost 40 years older then I was. So you see, the best time to start searching was then because if I would have waited my birth parents might not have been around. Korea's average age is something like 80 + but that's no garantuee that my birth parents would live to be that old...

I may be young maybe even naïve, at times but it's not something I easily can change. That has to do with life experience. And I'm still just 25 years old, 25 not 35. But even so I won't let people step on me, or treat me like they want or as they see fit. I'm a living person with feelings more than anything else. Just because I dress a certain why that doesn't in any way say anything about my values and beliefs. Not at all.

I'm everything but promiscious, believe me. Next time I meet a guy, I want the real deal. Not necessarilly marriage, house and children but I want a real relationship, some day but I'm in no hurry. Hey, I'm still young remember ?

I will not change the way I dress as long as I feel comfortable in it, it's just the Swedish ...

Regarding Swedish girls reputation , I for sure know about it and I believe it all started back in the 1950s with famous movie Summer with Monica...

Apparently it's not allright for a young lass to dress in to short clothes or clothes that shows too much cleveage. But you know what I'm still young, and it's not a big thing in Sweden it's quite common in fact. And yes, I use my I'm-still-young card again. I'll use it for as long as I can then I guess I'll start using I'm-a-foreigner and I'm-an-adoptee card but I still have many times left on my youth card...

Furthermore, modern women in Sweden desires to become housewives and presumely stay-at-home wives, but I'm not one of them. I don't want the same life as my older sisters have in Korea, I want a carrier in something and I want my indepenence and freedom to make my own decisions. So unless I have a lobotomy or somehow have a serious memory loss I will never become a house wife.

I will pull through this even though it feels like my hart will break into pieces with every little breath that I take.
I will make it through, I'll make it through the tunnel one day some day, maybe not now tomorrow or next week. I don't care how much time I have to wait. I just hope my birth family will still accept me and want me back into their lives...

But I will let nobody tell me how to live my life, because it's my life afterall nobody else's. So what if I want to apply for an F4 visa and live permantely in Korea ? It should be allright, don't you think. If it's what I want, if it's what I truely want, desires and dream about , I'm a fool if I don't try to make that a reality.

Of course it might not be necessary to apply for an F4 visa but that's not the point. Ultimately we all only get once chance to live, and I want to live my life without regrets. I realized that being an adoptee means you have to figure out how to deal with the consequences of your adoption, and this means there's no available universal solution or method. I think I'll have to my living by feeling and listening to my heart and what feels right to me. Not what makes sense or seems logical or resonable.


© Taste of Kimchi, Elle

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Repeating Destiny

In My Heart

Mute Mood

Greif Again