Who said anything about putting the clock back one hour to normal time ( I know I was supposed to do it but I've actually been on Korea time ever since last summer) and surprisingly enough I've gotten used to it , but of course I cheat I still have the Swedish time too on my phone....
I really need to to move on instead of continuing to live in the past, but it's hard especially if your past is a painful one. And I guess it didn't really help to find one of the instigators on Facebook, I even started to dream about him... I know I have issues, you should only know how much luggage I carry on a normal basis. But this is no competetion in pain.
It's time to face the music, if I'm ever to find peace within myself the only question is how I'm supposed to that. Will I be able to move on myself or should I try to contact the people from my past ... If I should there's a big problem here, because of my changed name they might not know me or remember me...
Yesterday I couldn't sleep these days I need to sleep with the computer on so I can listen to music on Spotify. I get nightmares if I don't do it. Anyways, around midnight the Internet connection went off which meant I wasn't able to go to bed until 1AM. I need to find a way to get back to my usual happy me, I don't like the way I've become...
I'm considering havn't decided yet, but I'm considering writing that letter to my birth family if not in November than December. I feel a little bit bad since I didn't write back to them telling them I had arrived safe and sound in Sweden. They might not even know I'm back at home.
I also feel guilty because I think almost took my mum and dad for granted up until my trip, I appreciate them more now strangely enough. You might think it would be the other way around, but there's many sides to a person, sides that you might not reveil , besides my other family can't understand all of my decisions or my choices in life. At times they even treat my like a child although I'm no longer the youngest child.... But I'm not complaining, if it by any chance would sound like it...
I love my mum and ad tremendously, and yes my younger brother too, and I'll admit I still love my birth family, I guess I always will. It's not goodbye or the end, it's see you later. We're just on a break, I guess and assume that we both need it. Maybe things will improve once I know more Korean...
© Taste of Kimchi, Elle
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Pandora's Box
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